Anonymous wrote:^^Except some of us have china and want to use it. It would be harder for me to go out and buy mismatched stuff! I would have to actively go out of my way to buy mismatched "casual ware."

If you don't organically have mismatched table ware because, say, Aunt Edna gave you four plates, and you bought four plates in Mexico, and DH had three plates from his great-grandma, then it looks so forced and Pier 1-ish to do the "faux casual mismatched" thing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what are the formal elements that you like that your DH's family doesn't use? And which of those are most important to you?

OP here. Thank you for the advice, all!

Most important to me:
-Using china (I only use it a few times a year, and I love it. My feeling is, why have it if you don't use it?)
-Homemade food (mostly; I am OK with a few things that are store-bought)
-No TV during the actual meal (though the suggestion to have it on but with volume off might be OK)

I am fine with people wearing whatever they want, but I am nervous that if they come in sweats or PJs and see the nice table and that DH and I are dressed a bit more nicely (I usually wear trousers and a blouse, and DH usually wears nice jeans and a sweater), they'll feel out of place. I don't want to tell anyone what to wear, but I also don't want them to feel like, "Hey, I would have dressed up if you told me!"

Anonymous wrote:Just host it however you want. I don’t understand the issue.

Anonymous wrote:Rutabagas for Thanksgiving? Is that a sanctioned Thanksgiving dish by the other thread?!

Anonymous wrote:OP, what are the formal elements that you like that your DH's family doesn't use? And which of those are most important to you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make your preferred menu, then add (or assign) one or two dishes that DH's family likes.

For me, this means asking his mom to bring mashed rutabegas (can easily be made a day or two in advance, and I don't have to bother), and DH makes a from-a-pie-pumpkin pie. (Libby's is fine in my book, but this is important to them.) I will sometimes make creamed onions (which I loathe) if someone in his family requests them.

So it's about adding a few things to your menu that are "their" things. That way, they are reflected in the food.

As for keeping it balanced:

-If they usually use paper plates, you may consider using regular dinner plates versus full-on china.

-If they wear sweats and PJs, ask DH to tell them ahead of time that it will be jeans and sweaters, so they don't feel surprised. And don't try to swing the pendulum all the way to church clothes or semi-formal dress.

-Consider leaving the TV on for the parade, then on but with volume OFF for dinner time. (I can't even fathom the TV on during a holiday dinner, but that might be a decent way to compromise.)

I always leave a tray of fruit out in the family room area (apples/pears and nonmessy fruit), so that people don’t come inside my kitchen prior to the meal.

Take it from Burger King Lady: Put the fruit outside on the back porch so no one is eating in your house!

Also, some smoked gouda and a small snifter of Frangelico will go really well with those pears.

Anonymous wrote:All of a sudden, DH's mom says she's not into hosting Thanksgiving this year, and would we do it. We're fine with that; in fact, I'm looking forward to it!

Plenty of the work will be done by DH (getting the yard looking nice, setting up tables and chairs, making the pie crust, because that's important to him). But most of the cooking day-of will fall to me.

My concern is: I like to do more formal holiday celebrations, and his family is super casual. I'd like to find some sort of balance, as I recognize that this is "for" his family, but it's in the home I share with DH, and I want to please myself and set a nice tone in my own house.

Help me think of what a "happy medium" celebration will look like that does NOT involve TV trays or sweat pants, but won't make anyone who usually celebrates that way uncomfortable.

TIA!