Anonymous wrote:Your stepdad is a jerk.

Talk to a counselor at school or a therapist if you have one. He’s playing mind games with you and it’s already crossed the line to appropriate. You have a few years left of living with him. This could easily escalate from inappropriate to abusive. Everything about the situation sounds wrong.

Does your mom work?

How on earth is that relevant?

Can you move things of value and importance to you to your father's house? I would do this without mention if you can.

I would not make this a bigger deal as your room will become a war zone between your stepdad and you - he knows this is the space where he can hurt you so he will continue to use it to exert his power. Don't react now to anything he does involving your room - be calm about it. If using your room does not get a reaction from you, he will stop using it hold power over you.

I would think differently if it seemed like your mom could be supportive but it sounds like she cannot be counted on for this. I would be emotionless to protect yourself at home. Focus on what YOU want, for now, and what will help you in the future - school, work, practice - these things will help you establish the life YOU want after you leave your current home.

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.

Please talk to your mom privately. I think you see that she too feels trapped in many ways but there are certainly things you both can do to help you get some peace and security for the next two years until you can get off to college. She needs to hear from you that you are feeling insecure and need her to help you. You sound like a reasonable and self-possessed girl who can calmly and articulately explain yourself. Please make her take you seriously.

If not, please come back. We need you to find an adult who will take you seriously and watch your back if the people in your own house won’t/can’t. I know I would 100% do this for any of my DD’s friends.

Pp and one reason I said “bide your time” is the sleeping in your bed part - you can’t reason with someone like your stepdad. Arguing will just result in worse behavior on his part - he clearly doesn’t sound open to listening to you and I worry for you that things could get worse if things escalate.

If another parent told me they did that I’d tell them it was wrong and I’d think less of them.

I think your stepdad was proud of what you did to your room and was probably surprised you reacted in a negative manner to his showing it off to friend+other boy - AND ...maybe realized he made a mistake in not asking you first. Unfortunately, his reaction was to double down instead of apologize.

In your case, because your mom doesn’t sound supportive, I would bide my time until graduation - you know how stepdad reacts - speak calmly to him about issues but don’t inflame as he clearly acts immaturely. You need to be the adult here.

I Agree with talking to a counselor - find a trusted adult to talk with.

Remember you will be on your own someday and will get to be master of your life. This is a tough time now when you are starting to be ready for that but still don’t have the means (job to support yourself) to drive your ship you will get there. Congratulations on your job and creating your own space - and also finding this space - you’re going to do well for yourself

Anonymous wrote:Your step dad is an asshole. He slept in the bed to piss you off. A power trip.

+1 - and I hope you show your mother these replies.

Do you think he showed the friend and his son your mural because he was proud of you? In that scenario I could see his feelings being hurt at your reaction, but he's the adult and should act like it. There were a lot of mature ways to react to you feeling your privacy was violated, but telling you that everyone was laughing at your underwear and then sleeping in your bed are not.

I hope you have your own father or another adult to turn to. I am sorry you're going through this.

Your stepdad is a jerk.

Talk to a counselor at school or a therapist if you have one. He’s playing mind games with you and it’s already crossed the line to appropriate. You have a few years left of living with him. This could easily escalate from inappropriate to abusive. Everything about the situation sounds wrong.

Does your mom work?

The nap thing is very weird.

But your bedroom is not off limits to everyone and you overreacted about the visit. My room was always free access to my parents growing up and that was fine. It is their house. It was my safe space but I never assumed that it was off limits to them or anyone else.

OP, I have a teen daughter and son, and my DH and I would not dream of invading their space. Yes, we do go in their rooms to talk to them but it happens usually when they want to talk to us. Every now and then, after a lot of warning, I will make them clean their room with my help because they rather stay in a messy room and I rather they learn not to live in a pigsty.

Anyways, what you have described is very disturbing and you need to tell a school counselor about it. Maybe you should let them see this thread. I am glad that you have shared this with your dad and mom too. Please do not hide anything from them or from the school counselor. This is a very inappropriate behavior from your step-dad and the counselor can help you all to talk about it and make your stepdad aware that he needs to change this kind of behavior.

In the long run you will be better off moved in with your Dad. Step Dad will only get worse as you get older and have more freedom. You should feel safe, respected and loved in your home.

Anonymous wrote:Responding Posters, assuming this is not a troll post, please remember you are talking to a 15 year old!! Please, be sensitive in your responses (it is not helpful to call her stepfather and mother names).

To the original poster, you have very valid thoughts and feelings and concerns. Please talk to your school counselor or another trusted “real life” adult about all of this as soon as possible. Trust your own instincts - if something doesn’t feel right to you, then it probably is not. Again, please share this with a trusted adult in your life - a teacher, counselor, etc.

+1 to all of this.

OP you should definitely talk this through and share your feelings calming with a trusted adult, and hopefully at least your mom at some point. If you feel unsafe in your home, you definitely need to talk to someone.

You sound like you are more mature than your stepfather. As hard as it is, try to continue reacting in a mature manner. Quick, emotional reactions and stooping to his level will not solve anything.

Anonymous wrote:Can you move in with your dad? Your mom is terrible.

My mom isn’t terrible. She’s just given up with him. I think she’s so use to him being difficult she’s given up.

I would have to switch schools if I moved in with my dad and life my school and my friends so don’t want to do that.

Anonymous wrote:Whoa! I am getting creepy vibes from your stepdad. You are not his biological child, you are not the same gender as him. He is looking at your shapewear and sleeping in your bed? This is major pedo and pervert behavior.

I am sure that there is no way you could move with your real dad, because you would have done so already, amiright? This means that your stepdad also knows that he has power over you. I would talk to your school counselor and then get CPS involved. I would also insist on family therapy etc where your stepdad, mom and dad are also present.

Get ready for your life to become very hard now because you are in the crosshair of an adult male who has power over you. Your future, your college, your dreams and aspirations - everything can get impacted.

He’s really not the creepy type and my gut isn’t telling me he’s ever do anything. I’ve known him since I was 9 and lived with him since I was 11. He’s not Percy, just ultra controlling and loves to exert his power over everyone.

Stepdad is crossing boundaries and mom is not sticking up for you. If you can, I think it’s best you move out. Stepdads need to repeatedly demonstrate his authority is not a good sign - this is going to escalate and get worse. If you really are the kid in this situation OP, do you have adults who can help? If not we can direct you to resources.