NP—at what age do kids have to take responsibility for their actions? So far OP has said that her kid wanted to play soccer, that he is 10, and has made no mention of executive functioning issues.

She stated that she gave time prompts at 30 and 15 min.

I think OP did great and is being a great parent. Being on a team does not mean that mom and dad do everything but physically practice and play. Kids need to be accountable for their actions.

It would be even better if the coach said thanks for coming and didn’t play the kid. Kids need to learn there are consequences for their actions

One of our little league coaches told the team this - the consequence of being late for practice is not getting their preferred position or having to sit out the first few innings of the game. And told the players the first day of practice that it’s their responsibility to be on time and be prepared. He told the parents not to nag our kids to get their cleats or water or to be on time, to let the kids take the lead, they knew what was needed (they were 8yo I think?) About 3/4 of the team was late or not fully prepared for the next practice (missing cleats, bats, water, etc), the coach called them out, 100% of the team was on time and prepared the next practice. That was 10 years ago and I don’t think my DS has been late or unprepared for practice since. He was one of the 3/4 - he had one cleat and no water, and we were late because he was looking for the other cleat.

Natural consequences are the best consequences.

No TV. I have learned that they cannot stop the screens once they start.

What would you do if he was late for a game?

Anonymous wrote:Do you do the same thing if he is dawdling before school? Just let him be late? The coach is a volunteer and it is disruptive and disrespectful to have kids floating in and out of practice.

+1. You’re being really disrespectful to the coach, OP.

Of course it’s shitty to all but skip practice (which is what you’re doing if you’re showing up 30 minutes late). It sounds like you’ve identified a problem here (your son struggles to focus and prioritize tasks, break away from engaging stimuli, etc.), but are doing nothing to give him tools to do better, you’re just punishing him for his struggles.

So yeah, I’d say you’re failing as a parent on multiple fronts.

FFS, you signed up for this, get him to practice. If you want to practice time management, do it for the things HE really loves, like going to the movies or to see friends, but not this.

Anonymous wrote:OP here- interesting responses. For the record it’s a rec soccer, DS got a 30 min warning, then 15 min warning. Then when it was time to go I said, “if you want to get to practice on time, you need to get your cleats on, find your ball & fill your water bottle. Come get me when you’ve done that and I’ll take you. Right now you are choosing to be late.”

This sounds to me like the right way to handle it

Why are people attacking her? She told the kid to get ready. He didn’t and was upset to be late. Kids that age should start learning how to get out the door on their own without their mother hovering over them.

OP here- interesting responses. For the record it’s a rec soccer, DS got a 30 min warning, then 15 min warning. Then when it was time to go I said, “if you want to get to practice on time, you need to get your cleats on, find your ball & fill your water bottle. Come get me when you’ve done that and I’ll take you. Right now you are choosing to be late.”

Anonymous wrote:Just know that as the kids get older some coaches will not give as much or any playing time to the ones who show up late to practices.

This is kind of the point, right?

He is late for practice, so he has to deal with the consequences from his coach.

It’s ridiculous that every consequence should have to come from mom or dad. It’s food for kids to see that their behavior affects other people.

Do you do the same thing if he is dawdling before school? Just let him be late? The coach is a volunteer and it is disruptive and disrespectful to have kids floating in and out of practice.

I think the going to get you part is weird.

You get to use that approach only once.

Totally fine, natural consequence. 10 is old enough to know when to get ready. My 3 year old knows if she doesn’t get ready when I say to, we don’t go.

Yes, it’s rude to the team. Which is good. That’s incentive for him to not be late. As for teaching respect, the coach will make it clear to him that if he can’t respect the team’s time, he can’t be on it. You nagging him won’t teach him that.

Good for you for not micromanaging him and letting him live with the consequences. Moms who do everything for their sons is the reason there are so many men who can’t be bothered to do things on their own and instead the place the burden on their wives.