I’m attending my brother’s wedding solo. We have a 1 and 3 year old. It’s an 8-hrs flight; 3 hr time change; and taking place at an expensive, adults-only resort.

Nope.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it's a real d*ck move to not go. But the cost thing I understand. I might tell BIL you're all going and then just say one of the kids is sick. I know that is horrible because they'll be paying per head, but give him an extra $200 gift. You'll save hundreds more by not going.

Do not do this! That is like the crappiest thing you can do. I can’t even believe you suggested it.

You probably had a bachelorette weekend where you forced 6 of your *closest* friends to fly out, stay in hotels, and take you out for a night or two which cost them $2k each, right? But hey, youre the princess.

What? I’m a princess because I think it’s crappy to RSVP and allow a couple to incur costs for a wedding you have no intention of attending? I can’t even believe I’m dignifying that with a response, but no I did not have that kind of bachelorette party. What does that have to with anything I said?

You are definitely not. I don't know what that PP is talking about.

This young woman might turn his life around. It’s the biggest day of his life so far and it sounds like the rest of the family will be attending. Don’t be that SIL.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it's a real d*ck move to not go. But the cost thing I understand. I might tell BIL you're all going and then just say one of the kids is sick. I know that is horrible because they'll be paying per head, but give him an extra $200 gift. You'll save hundreds more by not going.

Do not do this! That is like the crappiest thing you can do. I can’t even believe you suggested it.

You probably had a bachelorette weekend where you forced 6 of your *closest* friends to fly out, stay in hotels, and take you out for a night or two which cost them $2k each, right? But hey, youre the princess.

What? I’m a princess because I think it’s crappy to RSVP and allow a couple to incur costs for a wedding you have no intention of attending? I can’t even believe I’m dignifying that with a response, but no I did not have that kind of bachelorette party. What does that have to with anything I said?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it's a real d*ck move to not go. But the cost thing I understand. I might tell BIL you're all going and then just say one of the kids is sick. I know that is horrible because they'll be paying per head, but give him an extra $200 gift. You'll save hundreds more by not going.

Do not do this! That is like the crappiest thing you can do. I can’t even believe you suggested it.

You probably had a bachelorette weekend where you forced 6 of your *closest* friends to fly out, stay in hotels, and take you out for a night or two which cost them $2k each, right? But hey, youre the princess.

It does not sound like you have an invitation in hand yet. Until you know that your children are actually invited you don't need to decide. If your children are not invited then you get an easy pass to stay home with them. If they are invited I would let your FIL pay for the trip. As others have said this is your husband's only brother. You are showing your kids how you want them to treat each other.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it's a real d*ck move to not go. But the cost thing I understand. I might tell BIL you're all going and then just say one of the kids is sick. I know that is horrible because they'll be paying per head, but give him an extra $200 gift. You'll save hundreds more by not going.

Do not do this! That is like the crappiest thing you can do. I can’t even believe you suggested it.

Honestly, it's a real d*ck move to not go. But the cost thing I understand. I might tell BIL you're all going and then just say one of the kids is sick. I know that is horrible because they'll be paying per head, but give him an extra $200 gift. You'll save hundreds more by not going.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sending DH on his own is what many (most!) people with young children end up doing. Traveling for a wedding over a weekend is too much for the under 5 crowd.

Send your DH on his own. Neither one of you should apologize for this. You have you g kids. This is the stage of life that you are in. It is completely normal.

No, it's not. Only for princesses like yourself and OP. Let me guess, none of you took a vacation for 5-6 years, right?

It's a 3 hour time difference, since you couldn't be bothered to read the initial post. Who wants to spend $$ to fly a family of 4 to CA or similar for a weekend? In a similar situation, we declined. It was rough on the one adult who attended.

I read. So what if it's a 3 hours difference? Everyone will recover and be just fine in no time. Fly a day early to acclimate.

You eff.. insane. Fly to Cali for a weekend with 2 young kids?? They are not even close. You are mad.

Well it's clear from OP's post why they are not close. I have a feeling she has a lot to do with that. I don't treat my siblings that way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sending DH on his own is what many (most!) people with young children end up doing. Traveling for a wedding over a weekend is too much for the under 5 crowd.

Send your DH on his own. Neither one of you should apologize for this. You have you g kids. This is the stage of life that you are in. It is completely normal.

No, it's not. Only for princesses like yourself and OP. Let me guess, none of you took a vacation for 5-6 years, right?

Nope. I took many vacations, but I wouldn’t push my kids to fly with a time change to attend an adult event for only a few days AND blow all my vacation budget on it. That’s just ridiculous.

THEIR UNCLE!!!! Not some stranger.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sending DH on his own is what many (most!) people with young children end up doing. Traveling for a wedding over a weekend is too much for the under 5 crowd.

Send your DH on his own. Neither one of you should apologize for this. You have you g kids. This is the stage of life that you are in. It is completely normal.

No, it's not. Only for princesses like yourself and OP. Let me guess, none of you took a vacation for 5-6 years, right?

It's a 3 hour time difference, since you couldn't be bothered to read the initial post. Who wants to spend $$ to fly a family of 4 to CA or similar for a weekend? In a similar situation, we declined. It was rough on the one adult who attended.

Yes, but it is family. For anyone else, most of us would give you the pass you so desperately want. But not for family, not even terrible family that you don't approve of. Even a crappy family member is still family. And bailing on his wedding is a good way to put the final nail in the coffin of any relationship between the brothers. If you want to be the reason for the final straw that broke that family's back, go ahead. Just don't expect approval for it.

My twins were 4 years old when my brother got married for the second time, and we dragged them along. One of the best memories that we all have is my one son asleep on the pew in the front row of the church as his uncle got married. He was tired and put his head down before the ceremony waiting for things to start. He woke up just as the minister proclaimed them husband and wife. So the recessional was the only part of the wedding he saw. I have a great photo of him and the entire extended family love it. And this wedding was not 3 hours off, but only 2 hours off in time zones, but we still went.

In your case, I would definitely appeal to your FIL that you can't afford air fare for the four of you and ask if he can buy plane tickets so that you all can attend. You don't need babysitting for the wedding. Your young children are family and there should be exceptions made for family and bridal party (you qualify as both) even if other children are excluded from the wedding. You may have to do most of the child care keeping track of your kids for the day, but that shouldn't be that hard of a contribution to make.

3 hours is no big deal. I have 3 kids and have done it a lot. I would not miss BIL’s wedding. He is family.

I would send my husband only. Don’t take money. I have that kind of family too.

I would bring my family to BIL's wedding, and if necessary, ask FIL to contribute to the cost of the trip.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sending DH on his own is what many (most!) people with young children end up doing. Traveling for a wedding over a weekend is too much for the under 5 crowd.

Send your DH on his own. Neither one of you should apologize for this. You have you g kids. This is the stage of life that you are in. It is completely normal.

No, it's not. Only for princesses like yourself and OP. Let me guess, none of you took a vacation for 5-6 years, right?

It's a 3 hour time difference, since you couldn't be bothered to read the initial post. Who wants to spend $$ to fly a family of 4 to CA or similar for a weekend? In a similar situation, we declined. It was rough on the one adult who attended.

I read. So what if it's a 3 hours difference? Everyone will recover and be just fine in no time. Fly a day early to acclimate.

You eff.. insane. Fly to Cali for a weekend with 2 young kids?? They are not even close. You are mad.