Op if you can afford it I’d pay and hope child comes around later. Just because she’s being a jerk doesn’t mean you have to be. Don’t let her cause a permanent rift.

Anonymous wrote:OP is a control freak. This is why the DD is putting up boundaries and distance between them. Sure, op is free to not pay and I think the kid will be fine and survive, just not get that degree on schedule. There is no amount of money worth selling your soul. If OP needs a performance out of her DD, she is better off throwing in a lot of love along with that money. Obviously, using money as a weapon isn’t working out.

Agree with this completely. Cutting off your kid because she was "rude and mean" is beyond childish but it sounds like OP is okay with never having a relationship with her kid again so I'm guessing these issues are deeply rooted. My DD wasn't always the most pleasant teen but I am so grateful I didn't react like the OP.

OP is a control freak. This is why the DD is putting up boundaries and distance between them. Sure, op is free to not pay and I think the kid will be fine and survive, just not get that degree on schedule. There is no amount of money worth selling your soul. If OP needs a performance out of her DD, she is better off throwing in a lot of love along with that money. Obviously, using money as a weapon isn’t working out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Step back a little. What led to this break-down in communication. Is this a little tiff, or is this the straw breaking the camel's back?

None of it matters. Having your parents pay for college is a luxury, not a right.

I think it varies on the school but eventually he will have to pay or get kicked out.

Basic respect and courtesy go a very long way. If parents are unhappy with paying tuition, the least they can do is warn their child. So, yes, it matters.

You write $10,000 checks for adults you don't talk even to?

Try $40K for privates that run $80K a year.

Very, very few people pay sticker price. Both my kids got 1/2 off tuition at private LACs. I believe my D said she knew of one classmate that paid full sticker price in her four years of undergrad.

You believe your daughter that people are honest about money when they talk about it?

And half off a private LAC still means a bigger check than $10k. I just wrote a check for more than that and my kid is in an OOS flagship with a substantial amount of merit aid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC cut off communication over the summer and went back to college in late August presumptuously assuming we'd still pay for everything for a person who has no respect or appreciation for us. We don't know if DC is enrolled or just idle in the college town. Is it possible to enroll in classes and not pay? Will DC just have a standing balance due, but be free to finish the semester? Because if that's the case, I guess DC can just carry this on until January free from any consequences.

Dp. Ask yourself what you want you accomplish by not paying his tuition? Do you think he will come to you to repair your relationship or will it further alienate him from you? Do you want no contact?

I'm curious as to why you are not worried about the breakdown of your family? I would go visit him and solve that first. I can't believe you wouldn't want you son to get an education and also not be part of your life.

It's our daughter. So a young adult can be mean and rude to the entire family all summer, not appreciate your sacrifices, deluded themselves into believing they're totally independent and don't need you, and expect zero consequences? Isn't that likely what stoked this? Her total confidence there would be no consequences. Or her confidence that she can ignore us all semester and then come home in December and play nice so we pay off the balance owed?

What does this mean, in practice? Does this mean they wanted to make their own plans this summer, without you? That's what young adults generally want to do. If she was in college last year, did you bother to wonder whether something traumatic had happened there? Did you suggest therapy or counseling?

It would take a lot more than a summer of being nasty to me to make me stop paying for college, because unlike an immature young adult, I know that a college education is for life, and if I derail that, it will be incredibly damaging to my child. There are plenty of gainfully employed adults that now acknowledge being difficult when they were younger, and they are grateful their family didn't let them down. Who is the adult in this relationship?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Enrollment block for unpaid fees" placed on account was how she worded it. So fine this semester, but until paid in full, inability to register for next semester.

Why would kids pay tuition for the last semester then? Do they get credit for the semester they didn't pay?

No payment, no diploma and no transcript.

Duh.

I had friends with parents who demanded instead of earned respect from their kids while holding money over their head.

Trying to get respect with money doesn’t work.

Your immaturity will destroy your relationship.

Anonymous wrote:I advise undergrads at a state university. Students are unable to register for class if tuition is not paid and there is no arrangement with the financial aid or bursar's office.

This is impossible. They typically register 6 months before the semester starts. Tuition is usually due a week or so before the term starts. Some scholarships and financial aid money doesn’t even get to the school until after add/drop date.
When our tuition payment went to the wrong account, it took the large state U months to track down that my kids tuition had not been paid (according to the school’s account).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC cut off communication over the summer and went back to college in late August presumptuously assuming we'd still pay for everything for a person who has no respect or appreciation for us. We don't know if DC is enrolled or just idle in the college town. Is it possible to enroll in classes and not pay? Will DC just have a standing balance due, but be free to finish the semester? Because if that's the case, I guess DC can just carry this on until January free from any consequences.

Dp. Ask yourself what you want you accomplish by not paying his tuition? Do you think he will come to you to repair your relationship or will it further alienate him from you? Do you want no contact?

I'm curious as to why you are not worried about the breakdown of your family? I would go visit him and solve that first. I can't believe you wouldn't want you son to get an education and also not be part of your life.

It's our daughter. So a young adult can be mean and rude to the entire family all summer, not appreciate your sacrifices, deluded themselves into believing they're totally independent and don't need you, and expect zero consequences? Isn't that likely what stoked this? Her total confidence there would be no consequences. Or her confidence that she can ignore us all semester and then come home in December and play nice so we pay off the balance owed?

First, the gender doesn't matter and you didn't nention in your op. Nor did you tell us the details of your current relationship. It is kinda hard to give you advice when you didn't share it. Did you try and communicate that her behavior was unacceptable? Try to talk to a professional so you could learn what caused this behavior? You had the power to tell her to shape up or that there would be consequences. Don't you want a relationship with her? Did this happen just over the summer or has she always been difficult? Do upu think it is anxiety or drug or alcohol?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Step back a little. What led to this break-down in communication. Is this a little tiff, or is this the straw breaking the camel's back?

None of it matters. Having your parents pay for college is a luxury, not a right.

I think it varies on the school but eventually he will have to pay or get kicked out.

Basic respect and courtesy go a very long way. If parents are unhappy with paying tuition, the least they can do is warn their child. So, yes, it matters.

You write $10,000 checks for adults you don't talk even to?

Try $40K for privates that run $80K a year.

Very, very few people pay sticker price. Both my kids got 1/2 off tuition at private LACs. I believe my D said she knew of one classmate that paid full sticker price in her four years of undergrad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Step back a little. What led to this break-down in communication. Is this a little tiff, or is this the straw breaking the camel's back?

None of it matters. Having your parents pay for college is a luxury, not a right.

I think it varies on the school but eventually he will have to pay or get kicked out.

Basic respect and courtesy go a very long way. If parents are unhappy with paying tuition, the least they can do is warn their child. So, yes, it matters.

You write $10,000 checks for adults you don't talk even to?

Try $40K for privates that run $80K a year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Step back a little. What led to this break-down in communication. Is this a little tiff, or is this the straw breaking the camel's back?

None of it matters. Having your parents pay for college is a luxury, not a right.

I think it varies on the school but eventually he will have to pay or get kicked out.

Basic respect and courtesy go a very long way. If parents are unhappy with paying tuition, the least they can do is warn their child. So, yes, it matters.

You write $10,000 checks for adults you don't talk even to?

My husband has, yes. My point is that OP should call her child to say that due to child's behavior, she will not be paying tuition.
Personally, I would prefer to warn my child first that such a consequence would be in the works if basic respect is lacking. But perhaps OP has already done that.

Anonymous wrote:I advise undergrads at a state university. Students are unable to register for class if tuition is not paid and there is no arrangement with the financial aid or bursar's office.

Unable to register for the FOLLOWING semester, right? It’s called an enrollment hold for unpaid balance.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC cut off communication over the summer and went back to college in late August presumptuously assuming we'd still pay for everything for a person who has no respect or appreciation for us. We don't know if DC is enrolled or just idle in the college town. Is it possible to enroll in classes and not pay? Will DC just have a standing balance due, but be free to finish the semester? Because if that's the case, I guess DC can just carry this on until January free from any consequences.

Dp. Ask yourself what you want you accomplish by not paying his tuition? Do you think he will come to you to repair your relationship or will it further alienate him from you? Do you want no contact?

I'm curious as to why you are not worried about the breakdown of your family? I would go visit him and solve that first. I can't believe you wouldn't want you son to get an education and also not be part of your life.

It's our daughter. So a young adult can be mean and rude to the entire family all summer, not appreciate your sacrifices, deluded themselves into believing they're totally independent and don't need you, and expect zero consequences? Isn't that likely what stoked this? Her total confidence there would be no consequences. Or her confidence that she can ignore us all semester and then come home in December and play nice so we pay off the balance owed?

Anonymous wrote:DC cut off communication over the summer and went back to college in late August presumptuously assuming we'd still pay for everything for a person who has no respect or appreciation for us. We don't know if DC is enrolled or just idle in the college town. Is it possible to enroll in classes and not pay? Will DC just have a standing balance due, but be free to finish the semester? Because if that's the case, I guess DC can just carry this on until January free from any consequences.

Dp. Ask yourself what you want you accomplish by not paying his tuition? Do you think he will come to you to repair your relationship or will it further alienate him from you? Do you want no contact?

I'm curious as to why you are not worried about the breakdown of your family? I would go visit him and solve that first. I can't believe you wouldn't want you son to get an education and also not be part of your life.