Anonymous
Post 09/11/2019 22:08     Subject: 7th grade DD does not like lid that sits at her table
There’s only so many seats in a classroom. At some point every kid would have to move to avoid sticking someone with the unpleasant child for an extended amount of time. What about kids with SN who must be in a particular row?
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2019 21:46     Subject: 7th grade DD does not like lid that sits at her table
Anonymous wrote:OP,

My very small, nerdy, bespectacled and previously bullied son, started standing up for himself when he arrived in middle school. He had to. He was as short as a 4th grader, and some people in his class were adult-sized. He shot out zingers at the slightest sign that others were gearing up to tease or bully him, because he had learned his lesson in elementary.

No one retaliated against him. One science team-mate did end up being berating him, but she did that to all her team-mates, he wasn't specifically targeted, which in his mind wasn't as bad.

Your daughter must shush the noisy ones, and tell the teacher that they are disturbing her. She has to say: "Excuse me, can you not bump against me while I'm working? You have all this expanse of desk to yourself. This is where my desk starts. Thanks."

Please let her do this. It will serve her much better than asking to move desks. This is not move-desk or parent-intervention worthy, believe me.

FFS not every child is able to do this. It takes a certain level of confidence that many middle schoolers do not possess. It’s a process to get there.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2019 21:45     Subject: 7th grade DD does not like lid that sits at her table
If you post your question on the Special Needs forum you will get responses from people who are more familiar with the anxiety component.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2019 20:57     Subject: 7th grade DD does not like lid that sits at her table
OP,

My very small, nerdy, bespectacled and previously bullied son, started standing up for himself when he arrived in middle school. He had to. He was as short as a 4th grader, and some people in his class were adult-sized. He shot out zingers at the slightest sign that others were gearing up to tease or bully him, because he had learned his lesson in elementary.

No one retaliated against him. One science team-mate did end up being berating him, but she did that to all her team-mates, he wasn't specifically targeted, which in his mind wasn't as bad.

Your daughter must shush the noisy ones, and tell the teacher that they are disturbing her. She has to say: "Excuse me, can you not bump against me while I'm working? You have all this expanse of desk to yourself. This is where my desk starts. Thanks."

Please let her do this. It will serve her much better than asking to move desks. This is not move-desk or parent-intervention worthy, believe me.

Anonymous
Post 09/11/2019 20:50     Subject: 7th grade DD does not like lid that sits at her table
Self advocacy is great but not every 12/13 year old girl is Cheryl Sandberg. My son wasn't really able to effectively self advocate until high school. We encouraged him and gave him the things to say but he just couldn't, until he could. He's in college now and a terrific self advocate. Parent the kid you have not the parent other people have or think you should have. She sounds like a good kid and should not be penalized for that.

Oh and for the poster who said they would tolerate that behavior at work is full of BS. You would run to HR right away.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2019 20:32     Subject: 7th grade DD does not like lid that sits at her table
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:there are 4 kids at her table. the one next to her and across from her have behavior issues and are constantly talking. the one next to her always bumps her during class and distracts her. my dd has anxiety and this is stressing her out since the 2 kids are "tough". She wants to ask the teacher to move her but is also worried these 2 kids will retaliate against her. there was an incident last year when the one kid was making fun of my child hair. my kid is very quiet and non confrontational so she doesnt know what to do. for any other kid, I would say suck it up. but this time, I really do want her moved. any advice?


Maybe the other kids don't like her! Your dd can ask but, don't you ask and don"t expect the teacher to change for her. Good lesson on how to deal with all types of people.


Ok, so you as an adult would NEVER tolerate this in your workplace but kids just need to deal for multiple years? Just suck it up and take it. I would contact the teacher and the counselor to get this resolved. Your child has as much right as any other to have a place to learn that is free of reasonable distractions and harassment.

Huh? I work with all kinds of people. Some of them are pretty obnoxious, but that's how it goes. I can't call HR and demand they be fired or demand to ne moved to another unit, it doesn't really work that way. You don't have to like everyone.


You would not put up with a co-worker who physically bumps into your desk repeatedly, kicks you under the table, picks his nose and wipes it on your paper, reaches out to draw on your paper, yells out curse words, etc.

You wouldn't put up with it if you then were required to explain how to do an assignment to your co-worker who doesn't want to do it and threatens to kick your ass if you don't leave him alone. But your boss keeps asking you to help him out.


+1

OP, be aware. There are teachers that deliberately "pair up" the nice kid with the problem kid. I have seen a situation where the teacher deliberately does this several times throughout a school year, claiming that "(the nice kid) isn't complaining, so there should not be a problem here". BS. The teacher knows damn well what they are doing, and unsuspecting parents of the "nice kid" should be aware that this happens - in order to make the *teacher's* day easier. In fact, I have seen the teacher actually try to blame the nice kid for not wanting to put up with the constant disruptions, day in and day out. Your child deserves an environment conducive to learning - she is not that (or any other) disruptive kid's personal aide.

Do not fall into this trap - make it known that you don't want your kid next to that disruptive kid. I guarantee his parents and teachers know about his issues, and the teachers are most definitely trying to pacify the problem kid's parents. Hell to the NO.

I don't agree with drama-stirring parents who are always complaining about other people's kids - but this is not that. This situation is legit.

How legit is it, though? The complaint seems to be that they talk too much, occasionally bump into op's kid and made fun of her hair once (last year). I don't see that as actionable.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2019 20:25     Subject: 7th grade DD does not like lid that sits at her table
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:there are 4 kids at her table. the one next to her and across from her have behavior issues and are constantly talking. the one next to her always bumps her during class and distracts her. my dd has anxiety and this is stressing her out since the 2 kids are "tough". She wants to ask the teacher to move her but is also worried these 2 kids will retaliate against her. there was an incident last year when the one kid was making fun of my child hair. my kid is very quiet and non confrontational so she doesnt know what to do. for any other kid, I would say suck it up. but this time, I really do want her moved. any advice?


Maybe the other kids don't like her! Your dd can ask but, don't you ask and don"t expect the teacher to change for her. Good lesson on how to deal with all types of people.


Ok, so you as an adult would NEVER tolerate this in your workplace but kids just need to deal for multiple years? Just suck it up and take it. I would contact the teacher and the counselor to get this resolved. Your child has as much right as any other to have a place to learn that is free of reasonable distractions and harassment.

Huh? I work with all kinds of people. Some of them are pretty obnoxious, but that's how it goes. I can't call HR and demand they be fired or demand to ne moved to another unit, it doesn't really work that way. You don't have to like everyone.


You would not put up with a co-worker who physically bumps into your desk repeatedly, kicks you under the table, picks his nose and wipes it on your paper, reaches out to draw on your paper, yells out curse words, etc.

You wouldn't put up with it if you then were required to explain how to do an assignment to your co-worker who doesn't want to do it and threatens to kick your ass if you don't leave him alone. But your boss keeps asking you to help him out.


+1

OP, be aware. There are teachers that deliberately "pair up" the nice kid with the problem kid. I have seen a situation where the teacher deliberately does this several times throughout a school year, claiming that "(the nice kid) isn't complaining, so there should not be a problem here". BS. The teacher knows damn well what they are doing, and unsuspecting parents of the "nice kid" should be aware that this happens - in order to make the *teacher's* day easier. In fact, I have seen the teacher actually try to blame the nice kid for not wanting to put up with the constant disruptions, day in and day out. Your child deserves an environment conducive to learning - she is not that (or any other) disruptive kid's personal aide.

Do not fall into this trap - make it known that you don't want your kid next to that disruptive kid. I guarantee his parents and teachers know about his issues, and the teachers are most definitely trying to pacify the problem kid's parents. Hell to the NO.

I don't agree with drama-stirring parents who are always complaining about other people's kids - but this is not that. This situation is legit.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2019 20:25     Subject: 7th grade DD does not like lid that sits at her table
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:there are 4 kids at her table. the one next to her and across from her have behavior issues and are constantly talking. the one next to her always bumps her during class and distracts her. my dd has anxiety and this is stressing her out since the 2 kids are "tough". She wants to ask the teacher to move her but is also worried these 2 kids will retaliate against her. there was an incident last year when the one kid was making fun of my child hair. my kid is very quiet and non confrontational so she doesnt know what to do. for any other kid, I would say suck it up. but this time, I really do want her moved. any advice?


Maybe the other kids don't like her! Your dd can ask but, don't you ask and don"t expect the teacher to change for her. Good lesson on how to deal with all types of people.


Ok, so you as an adult would NEVER tolerate this in your workplace but kids just need to deal for multiple years? Just suck it up and take it. I would contact the teacher and the counselor to get this resolved. Your child has as much right as any other to have a place to learn that is free of reasonable distractions and harassment.

Huh? I work with all kinds of people. Some of them are pretty obnoxious, but that's how it goes. I can't call HR and demand they be fired or demand to ne moved to another unit, it doesn't really work that way. You don't have to like everyone.


You would not put up with a co-worker who physically bumps into your desk repeatedly, kicks you under the table, picks his nose and wipes it on your paper, reaches out to draw on your paper, yells out curse words, etc.

You wouldn't put up with it if you then were required to explain how to do an assignment to your co-worker who doesn't want to do it and threatens to kick your ass if you don't leave him alone. But your boss keeps asking you to help him out.

You would be surprised.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2019 20:22     Subject: Re:7th grade DD does not like lid that sits at her table
Anonymous wrote:Email the teacher. My kid couldn’t see the board but she’s not ready to self advocate. I emailed the teacher and her seat was moved.

And yes kids need to suck it up and deal with things but as parents we need to give them the tools. When those tools aren’t yet developed we need to help them, not abandon them.


+1 why the heck does if have to be so black and white...every child is different and not all are ready to self-advocate in that way — particular those with anxiety.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2019 20:18     Subject: Re:7th grade DD does not like lid that sits at her table
Anonymous wrote:op here. my dd does not need to learn to learn to deal with kids that have behavioral issues in class. what they do is beyond what other kids do in terms of interruptions. they talk back to the teacher, talk when the teacher is teaching, and constantly interrupt my dd when she is trying to work. if the teacher cant get them to stop, why should my daughter have to manage them. I appreciate the poster who gets it. I did tell my daughter to discuss with the teacher and hope she does something. if the 2 other kids have the right to be educated, so does my daughter.


OP- I agree with the pps who said that your DD needs to ask to move tables and provide the reasons why. FWIW, my DS has significant anxiety and was put on a project with a boy who was not working and disruptive. I told him that he needed to ask the teacher to change partners, or ask if he could work solo. I let him know that I would not intervene on his behalf until it was clear that he had tried on his own.
It worked out fine -- the teacher was already aware that the other boy was disruptive and not working. She moved him as soon as he asked. Your DD's teacher is certainly aware that these other kids are acting out and will likely do something if your DD wants to move seats.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2019 20:18     Subject: 7th grade DD does not like lid that sits at her table
Above PP again - and my child also has significant anxiety. But he needs to figure out how to advocate for what he needs. He has asked the teacher for what he needs in multiple situations (new seating, using earplugs to block out noise during tests, etc.)
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2019 20:16     Subject: 7th grade DD does not like lid that sits at her table
Anonymous wrote:OP you've not had helpful advice. My DC was in a class last year (6th grade) with a highly disruptive boy who had serious behavior issues and distracted everyone from the lesson (foreign language).

My DC was put next to this kid because my DC is quiet and never disruptive. I think the teachers do it because they hope the quiet kid will influence the rowdy one and set a great example.

However, my DC like yours just could not tolerate this. I emailed the teacher and asked that they move the disruptive kid who was then put on a table solo - because NO ONE wanted to sit with them and for good reason.

You can email the teacher, that is totally fine.



We have had the same issue, but I made my child advocate for themselves first using "I statement" (I find it hard to hear the you when Larlo is talking. I find it hard to concentrate when Larlo is playing with his fidget cube May I sit closer to you so that I can hear to better? vs Larlo won't stop talking. Larlo is annoying when he plays with a fidget cube."

Once our child has advocated for themselves and not gotten a response, we will intervene if necessary (only has happened a couple of times.) Kids need to learn to be their own advocate and not always have their parents solve their problems.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2019 20:16     Subject: 7th grade DD does not like lid that sits at her table
Anonymous wrote:OP, your child is in 7th GRADE. Let her deal with it. She's a big girl now.


NP here. She has anxiety and these kids have behavioral issues. PP is just trying to make you feel like s**t. Everything is black and white to them.

I think you can privately email the teacher. When this was happening to my DD in 6th grade the teacher switched up the seating plan...for multiple kids so it didn’t stand out.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2019 20:10     Subject: 7th grade DD does not like lid that sits at her table
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:there are 4 kids at her table. the one next to her and across from her have behavior issues and are constantly talking. the one next to her always bumps her during class and distracts her. my dd has anxiety and this is stressing her out since the 2 kids are "tough". She wants to ask the teacher to move her but is also worried these 2 kids will retaliate against her. there was an incident last year when the one kid was making fun of my child hair. my kid is very quiet and non confrontational so she doesnt know what to do. for any other kid, I would say suck it up. but this time, I really do want her moved. any advice?


Maybe the other kids don't like her! Your dd can ask but, don't you ask and don"t expect the teacher to change for her. Good lesson on how to deal with all types of people.


Ok, so you as an adult would NEVER tolerate this in your workplace but kids just need to deal for multiple years? Just suck it up and take it. I would contact the teacher and the counselor to get this resolved. Your child has as much right as any other to have a place to learn that is free of reasonable distractions and harassment.

Huh? I work with all kinds of people. Some of them are pretty obnoxious, but that's how it goes. I can't call HR and demand they be fired or demand to ne moved to another unit, it doesn't really work that way. You don't have to like everyone.


You would not put up with a co-worker who physically bumps into your desk repeatedly, kicks you under the table, picks his nose and wipes it on your paper, reaches out to draw on your paper, yells out curse words, etc.

You wouldn't put up with it if you then were required to explain how to do an assignment to your co-worker who doesn't want to do it and threatens to kick your ass if you don't leave him alone. But your boss keeps asking you to help him out.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2019 20:08     Subject: 7th grade DD does not like lid that sits at her table
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:there are 4 kids at her table. the one next to her and across from her have behavior issues and are constantly talking. the one next to her always bumps her during class and distracts her. my dd has anxiety and this is stressing her out since the 2 kids are "tough". She wants to ask the teacher to move her but is also worried these 2 kids will retaliate against her. there was an incident last year when the one kid was making fun of my child hair. my kid is very quiet and non confrontational so she doesnt know what to do. for any other kid, I would say suck it up. but this time, I really do want her moved. any advice?


But not for yours?

Suck it up, she needs to learn to deal with life around people she doesn't like or who she's not comfortable around.



Maybe, but there's another side to this. Is your daughter really well behaved and accommodating? Was she put there because her good nature would help deal with the other ones? It does take a village, but we can't ask too much from any particular villager. If your daughter is there in order to balance their behavior, it may not be fair. That said...

She is in seventh grade. She is the one who has to ask the teacher for a calmer seat, and she is the one who can also ask the teacher to do it discretely.