Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are you financially dependent due to illness? Is this new?

Regardless, he isn’t going to change.

It sounds like she has no income and no health insurance without him.

The problem with a divorce now is that if they do divorce, she will be forced to get insurance on her own. One concern is that if the Republicans regain control of the House, that they may be able to overturn the ACA. Even if they don't overturn the entire thing, they may be able to eliminate the preexisting conditions clause and that could be disastrous for OP in trying to gain insurance of her own after a divorce.

None of this is a reason for her to put up with the BS that she is being shoveled, but I can certainly see why she feels trapped.

OP, is this the case, and are you able to work (is your cancer in remission?)?

But as someone with a long-time serious health condition who left an abusive, likely NPD husband, I wouldn’t let “what ifs” about the ACA stop you. Even pre-Obamacare, as long as you maintained continuous coverage, your pre-existing conditions were covered.

+1 on the above. Also, in the short term, Obamacare/ACA provides some premium support for lower income levels. And, if you really have no income (and child support doesn't count as "income"), you would be eligible for Medicaid. It's worth checking by calling or going online to ACA. Applying for health care doesn't mean that you have to buy it. Also, since it's all online, you can run a variety of scenarios based on what you think your income could be if you divorce.

OP, you can have an agreement that stipulates he covets you for insurance for x number of years, or until you can work given your medical condition. I’m sorry you have this drama on top of everything else. Lots of good resources provided to you, please look into them. They sometimes can refer you to resources that will help fill gaps for those in financial need too.

OP, this would only work in your favor if the terms of the contract and the violations were provable. From having dealt with PD, I don’t think his inevitable future violations would be something you could ever prove to his satisfaction. He would find a loophole or victimhood. There is no reason that a contract would change the narc pattern of circular conversations or deny, attack, reverse victim and offender (DARVO).

You know that the divorce will be difficult and that he will contest your tellings of the truth. I’m sorry for that. Best to move on with it. Don’t give him further ammunition to use against you, because any personal information that a severely PD person has only becomes ammunition. In fact, I’m almost wondering if a contract spelling out the things you find abusive gives him license to be abusive in novel ways and then claim that those behaviors are ok.

tl;dr: Say as little as possible to your husband from now forward because he can and will use it against you. Start the process of moving on.