Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to stop focusing so much on their expectations and focus on what works for you and your family.
Decide how frequent you want these visits and invite from there. I think weekly sounds crazy but do what works for you.
If you need to do pizza and paper plates to make my visit manageable then do that. They can choose to be annoyed about it or not. Stop waiting on them hand and foot. I am guessing a few pizza and fast dinners for these weekday visits and you won’t have them coming so frequently!

Are your kids really young? I can’t imagine this working with school homework and after school activities.

OP again: It’s so frustrating. I hate it during the week, but I also hate having to give up a weekend when DH aid working, because I accomplish a lot then and use the time to visit my family. DH isnt interested at all in giving up his weekends off for his family, so like I said, there is no happy medium other than suffering through a weekday visit.

Someone said I’m not following the advice, but really, I don’t care if it makes me look bitchy, it’s not my family. But the kids love their grandparents so I do try.

That right there says it all.

Just remind them that the school year brings tighter schedules, homework time, and more casual dinners since the kids are off the bus at 4:30 and in bed by 8. Then if they come, do it. They were warned. Give them a casserole and remind the kids that there is no fussing when you say bedtime. They will quickly see that weekday evenings are not for them.

As for weekends, maybe say one weekend is visiting your family, DH can (or cannot - his choice) take them to his family, and the other two are for your nuclear family activities, attending birthday parties or sports, outings etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How often do these visits happen? Weekly? Monthly?
How far away are ILs?
Do kids have activities that could be a focus of a visit? (Games, recitals, concerts, tournaments, etc)

OP here. They ask once a week. That’s IMO too often. They are 30-45-60 minutes, depending on the day and traffic. They’d never take the kids to an activity. Like I said, when they come, they want to be the focus, if that makes sense. There is no going about my day while they play with the kids, it’s them siting being waited on while they look at the kids do what they do, and they want to talk and chat while they do that. That’s why I mostly have DH there.

WTF!!!!!
I talk to my mom 10 times a day but I cannot imagine having to host her this often andcshevisvthevill eat chin Gil a type of chick.
Nope
Nada
‘Sorry, we at busy, we are available on Nov13th, let’s plan to get together then.
And I’m
Sorrry everyone needs to be flexible, if they cannot roll with takeout or fast food sometimes then they can stay at home.
Your husband needs to be clear with them about all of this.
That

You need to start winnowing this down fast. This will not work at all once your kids get into sports and activities. If they go to private school then they'll start getting homework. In middle school -at least in MCPS homework is very uneven. There will be nothing and then a bunch of things in one night. We found this to always happen on practice night. I can't imagine having to work in grandparents that expected to be hosted as guests.

Its probably also a good idea to stop making it so enjoyable for them by catering to their rudeness. Order pizza and do not treat them as special guests. They keep pushing to come because you are waiting on them hand and foot and treating them like special honored guests. What rude person wouldn't love this?