Anonymous
08/29/2019 13:50
Subject: 4 year old rude/angry at home?
Anonymous wrote:I hear you, and my eldest is/was like this too. It sounds like you are doing the best you can. If you aren't doing this already, perhaps let him say the mean things in order to get them out of his system? You could ask him directly if he likes having a sibling, and maybe he says yes, but then you could say it must be hard, you have to share us now, etc - and see if he will talk about it with you. You can also ask him to destroy things with you - let's build a tower and knock it down!!! Let's take this bubble wrap outside and stomp on it! Your goal is to let him be aggressive and destructive under your terms. He needs the release and he needs it with you because you are MOM and the safest. I agree about not letting the rudeness slide, but misbehavior is the sign of something amiss, so I really woudln't come down too hard on it. If he demands something from you rudely, I'd ask him to rephrase. If you hear him yelling at Grandpa, I would remind him taht that is not how you talk to people and to apologize. But really, I think your goal is to let him be mad in appropriate ways so that he can process all the feelings he is having about a new baby and about getting older.
thanks- i tried something like this on a whim the other day, he tried to knock over an outdoor chair and I was like "hey larlo, you aren't allowed to knock over the furniture. you look like you want to knock things over. let's fill up buckets with water and you can knock them ALL OVER" and he was really into it. i am going to follow your advice and keep trying stuff like that.
Anonymous
08/29/2019 13:44
Subject: 4 year old rude/angry at home?
I hear you, and my eldest is/was like this too. It sounds like you are doing the best you can. If you aren't doing this already, perhaps let him say the mean things in order to get them out of his system? You could ask him directly if he likes having a sibling, and maybe he says yes, but then you could say it must be hard, you have to share us now, etc - and see if he will talk about it with you. You can also ask him to destroy things with you - let's build a tower and knock it down!!! Let's take this bubble wrap outside and stomp on it! Your goal is to let him be aggressive and destructive under your terms. He needs the release and he needs it with you because you are MOM and the safest. I agree about not letting the rudeness slide, but misbehavior is the sign of something amiss, so I really woudln't come down too hard on it. If he demands something from you rudely, I'd ask him to rephrase. If you hear him yelling at Grandpa, I would remind him taht that is not how you talk to people and to apologize. But really, I think your goal is to let him be mad in appropriate ways so that he can process all the feelings he is having about a new baby and about getting older.
Anonymous
08/29/2019 13:33
Subject: Re:4 year old rude/angry at home?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think a few words of understanding would go a long way. Connect with hm. See him.
He’s definitely hurting!
OP, obviously, you are failing miserably in giving him attention. Have your husband babysit and take care of baby and spend one day a week exclusively with him and let him choose what he wants to do. This isn't nuclear physics but just plain common sense!
Hi! OP here. So for starters, i don't know about your husband, but mine doesn't "babysit", he parents. Second of all, where did I say I didn't spend any time exclusively with him and let him choose what he wants to do? Why are you making up things and attributing them to me? In fact I believe my words were that I spend so much attention on him that I worry I am ignoring the baby too much. So where did you get the impression I don't spend any one on one time with him?
Anonymous
08/29/2019 13:27
Subject: Re:4 year old rude/angry at home?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think a few words of understanding would go a long way. Connect with hm. See him.
He’s definitely hurting!
OP, obviously, you are failing miserably in giving him attention. Have your husband babysit and take care of baby and spend one day a week exclusively with him and let him choose what he wants to do. This isn't nuclear physics but just plain common sense!
What an unkind and condescending response. It sounds like this mom is falling over backwards to give attention to her kid, and doing all the things a loving and caring mom would do, and it's just not working. Not to say she shouldn't keep trying, but she is clearly working really hard at this already and (IMHO) doing a great job. You know what's common sense to me? Not being an asshole to people who are clearly struggling and seeking your help.
+1. Op sounds great.
Anonymous
08/29/2019 13:05
Subject: Re:4 year old rude/angry at home?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think a few words of understanding would go a long way. Connect with hm. See him.
He’s definitely hurting!
OP, obviously, you are failing miserably in giving him attention. Have your husband babysit and take care of baby and spend one day a week exclusively with him and let him choose what he wants to do. This isn't nuclear physics but just plain common sense!
Thanks mean girl! The op sounds like she is doing her best to give plenty of attention. There are a lot of changes in his life which can also be contributing factors. No need to blame op who is clearly working hard to correct the problem.
Anonymous
08/29/2019 10:39
Subject: Re:4 year old rude/angry at home?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think a few words of understanding would go a long way. Connect with hm. See him.
He’s definitely hurting!
OP, obviously, you are failing miserably in giving him attention. Have your husband babysit and take care of baby and spend one day a week exclusively with him and let him choose what he wants to do. This isn't nuclear physics but just plain common sense!
What an unkind and condescending response. It sounds like this mom is falling over backwards to give attention to her kid, and doing all the things a loving and caring mom would do, and it's just not working. Not to say she shouldn't keep trying, but she is clearly working really hard at this already and (IMHO) doing a great job. You know what's common sense to me? Not being an asshole to people who are clearly struggling and seeking your help.
Anonymous
08/29/2019 10:29
Subject: Re:4 year old rude/angry at home?
Anonymous wrote:I think a few words of understanding would go a long way. Connect with hm. See him.
He’s definitely hurting!
OP, obviously, you are failing miserably in giving him attention. Have your husband babysit and take care of baby and spend one day a week exclusively with him and let him choose what he wants to do. This isn't nuclear physics but just plain common sense!
Anonymous
08/29/2019 10:24
Subject: 4 year old rude/angry at home?
Anonymous wrote:How many hours of preschool is he doing? He's probably releasing his pent-up frustration and exhaustion at home, where he feels comfortable and safe doing it. Be firm, and consistent.
Ask him about preschool, too. What does he like about it? What is difficult/frustrating about it? You might be surprised.
I was.
Just 3 hours, three times a week, so not much. But I do notice they are more structured than his previous preschool (he switched a few weeks after the baby was born- terrible timing, but it's unfortunately how it worked out with the previous place closing). He actually seems to enjoy it more than his previous preschool- no whining when it's time to go for example, and seems happy after. But it's just a lot of change.