We just dropped off our oldest at college that is a plane ride away. My spouse and I entered into the agreement to pay his tuition without any expectation of the university reporting his status. He turned 18 this summer. We’ve worked really hard to teach him to make good choices and how to get out of rough situations. Now we need to let go. It’s not easy. But damn if I’m going to manage this kid for the rest of my life. T

Anonymous wrote:SLAC’s are much better about helping kids with the college transition than large schools. It is absurd to act like all can handle the experience, just because they are all the same age

The one convo I had with a dean at a large public university, he was a smart aleck who seemed to be getting off on having others kids under his control, completely detached from their parents. Total creep.

Wow! I’m thankful to not need or expect my college kids passwords for grades and email, but then again, I didn’t look up their grades or read their texts/emails in HS either (and there were no behavior issues either). . My 18 year olds were ready for college independence and have thrived. I’m here to support them, but I do not feel entitled to oversee their road to adulthood.

This thread is a good example of what’s wrong with this country.

Get ready to pay for rehab.

There’s something very wrong here...
OP is right to question this.

You kid is an adult.

My employer paid for 100% of my grad school tuition. Should my school have called them if I got in trouble?
Your child is now an adult. College students have a zillion different financial situations, and none of that changes the fact that they are adults.

Anonymous wrote:It is a contradiction, I agree. Most kids, especially in DCUM land, will be having the bulk if not all of the college expenses covered by the parents, but the colleges will treat the child as the independent adult, despite that in many, many cases the child is really not a fully independent adult in terms of emotions and maturity. Many are not well into their 20s.

The college kids on here will want to tell parents to butt out, and I certainly felt the same at their age, but I've also witnessed so many kids fall through the cracks because no one told the parents. In hindsight it'd have been a better thing for the colleges to work closely with parents to help the kid stay on track instead of flunking out or getting out of control with drinking or whatever.

They aren't a child even if you call them one and they are only not an independent adult if they haven't been raised to be. Only a couple generations ago, young adults were married with kids and farms and jobs. People's brains haven't deteriorated. We are still more than capable of adulting at that age - if raised to do so.

I was fortunate to have been raised by parents who prioritized independence and responsibility and were were more than ready to be independent adults by 18. My parents knew nothing about my courses or grades or my health or mental health while I was in school.

So at what age should an institution of higher education cut the cord for the parents who are too clingy to do it themselves or who were too lax in preparing their child for adulthood?

SLAC’s are much better about helping kids with the college transition than large schools. It is absurd to act like all can handle the experience, just because they are all the same age

It is a contradiction, I agree. Most kids, especially in DCUM land, will be having the bulk if not all of the college expenses covered by the parents, but the colleges will treat the child as the independent adult, despite that in many, many cases the child is really not a fully independent adult in terms of emotions and maturity. Many are not well into their 20s.

The college kids on here will want to tell parents to butt out, and I certainly felt the same at their age, but I've also witnessed so many kids fall through the cracks because no one told the parents. In hindsight it'd have been a better thing for the colleges to work closely with parents to help the kid stay on track instead of flunking out or getting out of control with drinking or whatever.

I'm with you, OP. Our kids have even asked for us to be included in certain things (online grading system) and been told that there are not any parent accounts. It is crazy. It seems like there should be the ability for the student to request accessibility and information for parents. I know our kids would do it in a heartbeat. So what they do now is just tell us all their accounts and passwords.

They are adults. Not all students have their tuition paid for by their parents. They are responsible for themselves and the consequences that come with their choices. That is what the purpose of the last 18 years was - to raise them to be independent responsible adults. If you did your job well, then you have nothing to worry about. They will make the best decisions they can and deal with the consequences.

Sad post.