Anonymous wrote:I plan to insist on my kids going out of state for college (we’re in Maryland, so anywhere in the state is “close” IMO). To me, part of the college experience is getting out from under your parents and starting to make your own way in the world. I also want them to get out of the DC metro bubble and meet people from other parts of the country. If we are only an hour or two away, it’s too easy for them to rely on mom and dad as plan B.

Totally agree. I realize it's a privileged perspective, but it's also because I lived very close to home during undergrad, and in retrospect, I would have spread my wings more if I'd left the area. Our kid is still pretty young but already wants to go away to school, so we'll see.

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the kid. If you give them lots of freedom at home to come and go (mostly) as they please and transition to live an adult life, it's fine. But, I've seen with my friends kids in the DC area, that if they don't leave home for college sometimes they end up not leaving home til they are 30+.

This. Anecdotal, but my sib didn't move out until late 20s, a cousin didn't move out until she got married at 24, and another cousin is still at home at 39. They all never lived on campus.

I think it very much depends on the personality of the kid, and things like how far away the school is and whether or not most of the other students are also commuting.

I lived at home during college due to finances, and it worked fine for me...but there were a few things that made it work:
1. I am an outgoing personality and had the desire to get involved in activities and meet people. I really put myself out there and made plenty of friends because that's what I set out to do. For shyer kids who might have tendencies to just go to classes and come home, I think the dorm situation where socialization opportunities are right at their fingertips would be best.
2. It was only a 10-15 minute drive from my house to the school so it wasn't like I was having to make this treacherous trek every day. I can see where, if faced with a 30+ minute commute every day, it would've been tempting to get out of there so as not to have to drive late at night, when you're tired, etc.
3. It was a pretty residential campus and there were always tons and tons and tons of events going on and lots of efforts to help students find their niche. I think it would've been a lot lonelier if it were a traditional "commuter" college where everyone just goes to class and goes home.
4. I was a pretty independent young adult, and my parents were willing to let me be that independent young adult and cool with me living my own life- we functioned more like roommates than the parent/child situation (obviously common courtesy still applied).

I lived on campus the first three years of college (2 in dorms and the third year in a sorority house), but I lived at home my senior year. Living at home was awesome -- I got along great with my parents, and I loved having laundry facilities and a fully stocked refrigerator. However, I am so glad I lived on campus the first years. I was fully integrated into my college social life and I think it was much easier for my parents to treat me like an adult when I did move home. If you can afford it all, I would let them live on campus at least one year.

Depends on the kid. If you give them lots of freedom at home to come and go (mostly) as they please and transition to live an adult life, it's fine. But, I've seen with my friends kids in the DC area, that if they don't leave home for college sometimes they end up not leaving home til they are 30+.

Anonymous wrote:Living at home deprives the child of a real college experience which may or not matter to you.

Meh. I had "the real college experience." It consisted of a lot of boozing and sharing a 10 x 10 room with someone who snored a lot and exiled me when she wanted to have sex. Overrated.

Living at home deprives the child of a real college experience which may or not matter to you.

Anonymous wrote:There's a value to moving away from home.

+1

Unless the room & board would put you into serious debt or there are other circumstances (health), I strongly believe kids should go away for college.

I went to the in-state, flagship university 30 minutes from my childhood home, but I lived in the dorms the 1st year and stayed on campus all 4 years. It was still another world; I rarely went home and met lots of new people in college. I was poor and I had to take out loans for this luxury (scholarships and Pell Grants covered tuition), but it was worth it.

Anonymous wrote:With these incredibly high college costs, is it really worth the money for your kid go somewhere other than a college/university near home?

Wouldn't you get a bigger bang for your buck by sending them to a local university and having them stay at home instead of paying the exorbitant room and board fees?

It's not like they couldn't go out with their friends at night or the weekend!

it is worth it to us.

I've done both and I wouldn't recommend living at home. It felt like HS. There definitely is something about living on your own that is worth the money.

There's a value to moving away from home.

Well, we have a fair amount of money. The school close to home isn't really as close as living in the dorm. Freshman engineering is hard!

My son is at the school best for him and he is thriving.

If this choice were problematic financially for us, we would have made a different choice. We saved and can do this for him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if the alternative is a lot of debt, then living at home is the better option. But, if you can afford it, living on campus at least for the first year is best. DH lived at home when he went to college -- nobody else in his family ever went to college so when he decided to go to the local U that just seemed the thing to do. But he now insists our kids will live on campus. He can see that he missed out on a lot of building connections that is an important part of college. He really didn't make friends in college, just went to class, came home, did his work, and continued to hang out with old HS friends.

If a student has to live at home, they need to still understand the important of engaging with the campus community and make the effort to make friends, connect with professors, get involved in extracurricular activities. Otherwise, they are missing out on a big part of college.

Same for me. I commutes to college and had the same experience as the PPs husband, except all my HS friends had gone off to college. So it was kinda lonely.

Probably better than my DH's experience still hanging out with those friends. They were losers and eventually alcoholics/addicts and he cut ties with them. He was really out of the norm for his community in going to college.

Anonymous wrote:With these incredibly high college costs, is it really worth the money for your kid go somewhere other than a college/university near home?

Wouldn't you get a bigger bang for your buck by sending them to a local university and having them stay at home instead of paying the exorbitant room and board fees?

It's not like they couldn't go out with their friends at night or the weekend!

If the local university doesn't have the majors they want, would you still think it best to make them go there?

If the local university weren't academically challenging at all and your student wanted and thrived on challenge , would you say, well, college is only about landing a job later, so go coast academically and you'll have a terrific GPA even if you don't learn much advanced stuff, are bored stiff for four years, and come out of college less ready for work than peers who went elsewhere and studied more advanced curricula?

If the local university had the majors or other programs that your kid wanted but those programs/faculties/facilities were considered third-rate by professionals in those fields, would you still push going local and living at home?

If the local university had no connections to internships, research opportunities etc. in your kid's chosen field, would it still be the best choice because it's local?

There are a lot more factors in college choices than you realize.