- if SHE refuses to answer, that's different. Meant that

It's wrong to let worries negatively affect your relationship, and not be willing to ask the tough questions.

-if you refuses to answer, that's different

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - tell us specifics re: how much money she has

- that's all that matters, the specifics
- you need to know the specifics, btw

I don’t know her accounts, but I do know she talks about not having money to spend on much of anything at all.

The retired military guy is looking more attractive.

Does the military guy work? Or is he retired, retired?

If you have to listen to it, you have the right to ask. Ask

It is possible Mom is getting her health insurance through
a former employer.

My next door neighbor is retired and gets her healthcare
through her former employer at a reasonable price.

It is very awkward to talk to parents about their arrangements. I feel for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she held a professional position until she was 53 and has been working on and off since then.

If she put money away all those years that she was working she does have a nest egg. She might have earned a pension, too. Back when she started working pensions were pretty common. I earned one and I've been a SAHM for nearly 20 years. She has probably decided that her work career peaked some time ago and she isn't going to be earning much anymore.

I think it's fine for you to mention your concerns to her. Out of curiosity, how old are you, Op? And do you have siblings?

I’m 34, divorced with two kids, make pretty good money (but have serious expenses). My brother is 26 and still finding his footing.

Your mom is still young and has probably crunched the numbers for herself. It's o.k. to ask her some questions because I can totally see how you don't want her assuming that she can move into your basement if things don't work out in her retirement. Is she the type to be presumptuous like that?

Anonymous wrote:OP - tell us specifics re: how much money she has

- that's all that matters, the specifics
- you need to know the specifics, btw

I don’t know her accounts, but I do know she talks about not having money to spend on much of anything at all.

Anonymous wrote:My dad retired at 55. My mom never worked. They are 75 and 78 now. Married 53 years. They have had a blast during their retirement years! My DH will retire in two years at 56. We will both likely work part time just because we enjoy it. But why would we choose to continue to work full time? Our kids are grown. We are going to travel, play, hike, sail, and just enjoy life!

This sounds absolutely awesome - good for all of you! Hope you have a wonderful time .

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she held a professional position until she was 53 and has been working on and off since then.

If she put money away all those years that she was working she does have a nest egg. She might have earned a pension, too. Back when she started working pensions were pretty common. I earned one and I've been a SAHM for nearly 20 years. She has probably decided that her work career peaked some time ago and she isn't going to be earning much anymore.

I think it's fine for you to mention your concerns to her. Out of curiosity, how old are you, Op? And do you have siblings?

I’m 34, divorced with two kids, make pretty good money (but have serious expenses). My brother is 26 and still finding his footing.

OP - tell us specifics re: how much money she has

- that's all that matters, the specifics
- you need to know the specifics, btw

Dp. Why do you think your mother owes you childcare? They are your kids yo raise and it doesn't sound very appealing after raising your own kids. Would you ever think of asking or asuming a man would want to raise your kids? Assuming your swap genders in your story. It says a lot about how little you value your mom's time.

Agree. This is bizarre. DH and I are 52. We have two grandkids that we absolutely adore. But I have no desire to provide child care. I’m a Grammy, not a child care provider. I love taking care of them when they visit. And I’m always happy to have them when the kids need a date night. But I raised my kids. I’m not interested in raising my grandkids. Thankfully, my DIL stays at home.

It sounds like she held a professional position until she was 53 and has been working on and off since then.

If she put money away all those years that she was working she does have a nest egg. She might have earned a pension, too. Back when she started working pensions were pretty common. I earned one and I've been a SAHM for nearly 20 years. She has probably decided that her work career peaked some time ago and she isn't going to be earning much anymore.

I think it's fine for you to mention your concerns to her. Out of curiosity, how old are you, Op? And do you have siblings?

If the boyfriend is retired military it sounds like having
the man with the health care plan is not a bad plan.
i.e. marriage to the boyfriend could benefit Mom

There are a lot of senior working in their 70's and 80's.
Some because they have to. Some because they want to.

If she is low income and on Obamacare (the affordable health care act) her insurance premiums are pretty nominal.

In my state if you earn over $46,000 as a single the
cheapest Obamacare plan is $800 per month with
a $8000 deductible. If her investment income is
less than $46,000 per year she may be paying as
low as $200-$400 per month for insurance on Obamacare.
Marrying the retired military man with the insurance plan has some benefits.

Ultimately Mom is very young. She is going to live her
life the way she wants to. Short of recommending
your CPA or financial person to her I'm not sure
what you can do.

Anonymous wrote:My dad retired at 55. My mom never worked. They are 75 and 78 now. Married 53 years. They have had a blast during their retirement years! My DH will retire in two years at 56. We will both likely work part time just because we enjoy it. But why would we choose to continue to work full time? Our kids are grown. We are going to travel, play, hike, sail, and just enjoy life!

Way to miss the point of the OP

My dad retired at 55. My mom never worked. They are 75 and 78 now. Married 53 years. They have had a blast during their retirement years! My DH will retire in two years at 56. We will both likely work part time just because we enjoy it. But why would we choose to continue to work full time? Our kids are grown. We are going to travel, play, hike, sail, and just enjoy life!