Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I didn’t allow it at all at first when I found out no parent ever there. But only 1 other mom out of 7 neighborhood boys have issue with this- so rest of kids always there- of course- who wouldn’t want to hang at huge house with lots of toys, teen girls and no parents. Then the other mom allowed her son son outside only and I agreed that’s ok. Then the pool damage happened- kids threw patio furniture in deep end damaging pool. My son didn’t do that - it was one kid/ but the homeowner texted all the neighbors boys parents with the warning of please invite only and respect his property.
So bigger issue is, why am I about the only parent not concerned with boys/ girls unsupervised. Am I way too strict? Most of the neighborhood boys are good overall- couple get bit rowdy- but most are equally unsupervised with parents having busy social lives.
I want to follow my gut - but also be open to someone saying I am way to strict if I’m being too protective- strict??? I trust my son, but still feel like boys don’t need to go over there.
And yes, it would help if the dad would text it is ok- since he asked for kids to only come with invite.

I grew up going to parties like this and weed and alcohol come out. Bedrooms ventured into. Slut shaming the next day. Add phones. Add lawyers. You are not overreacting. You are parenting young teens. Age 17-18, sure no problem. 13-15. Crazy. Protect your kid.

+1

Neighborhood kid with uber crazy parents now suing neighborhood parents for alcohol poisoning. No one is surprised, sadly.

Is the child asking this question or the adult?

Outside fun? You really think a child will never go inside if everyone else does? What if they need to use the bathroom?

It is nuts to think a child will stay outside or go home from a fun party if everyone else moves indoors.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, no, my 15YO boy would not be there.

Second, obviously the girls got caught and blamed the boys, saying they all just showed up uninvited and what could we do? So they threw the boys under the bus once and are ready to do it again if trouble happens -- don't let it be your kid next time.

Wow. Way to blame girls for boys getting in trouble. So, your son(s) are angels until a girl is around. Got it.

You have zero knowledge of what exactly happened but you're making up a story to fit a bigger view that girls are trouble and boys are so easily led astray, poor dears. Great lesson to teach boys.

NP here, I think the person overreaching here is you. This isn't a gender issue. This is a home resident vs guest issue. Get a grip.

Oh, I agree, the OP's situation is about "guests" who aren't guests at all and whom the homeowner has said are not welcome.

But I wasn't addressing that; I was addressing the one PP above who is the one who made this about gender--not me. Sorry you missed that. The PP says, based on nothing at all that the OP posted, that "obviously" girls were the instigators who "threw the boys under the bus" -- poor, beleaguered boys, made victims by evil girls. If that PP leaps straight to that assumption, well, I'd bet that PP has sons and thinks they can do no wrong.

So, I'm not overreaching on OP's initial post because I'm not addressing it. I'm addressing that one PP's nasty little assumption. Of course the girls could have heaved patio furniture into the pool and damaged it. So could the boys. But the PP immediately blaming the girls based on nothing but the fact they ARE girls is pathetic and misogynistic.

Anonymous wrote:Time for your son to be so busy with his own activities that the "hang out doing nothing with neighbor teens" stuff ends for good. He's old enough that between taking school seriously and engaging in extracurricular activities, he no longer has time for nonsense like wanting to hang out this way. Before slack DCUM "let them be kids, don't overschedule them" parents chime in: This boy is 14 and that's time to be in school clubs, trying new things whether it's robotics club or drama or band or art, a sport, volunteering, whatever.

OP, you seem not to know that the situation you describe is a perfect breeding ground for these young teens trying alcohol, weed, whatever, and experimenting sexually. This is THE age and stage for that, and the household you describe is an almost movie-script version of the ideal setting. You may react that YOUR son wouldn't do those things, your son has better sense, etc. but OP, that's what every one of these parents of these kids is thinking. Don't put the temptation directly in his way by letting him go there.

And the dad (despite being a crappy parent) was crystal clear--no going there unless invited. That did not mean "invited by my absentee teen or by other friends." You know it meant "by me, a parent." That translates to "never."

Step up now. Son needs other friends and other activities that are constructive. Only a few years before college -- time to get him a better peer group and better use of his time.

If he complains that he's being punished for other kids' misbehavior in damaging the pool--yes! He is. This is life. You and the dad have no idea who really damaged it so ALL the kids now have to stay away. Son needs to hear that when you hang out in places you should not be, things happen that will tar you with the same brush as everyone else. He, and you too OP, seem not to realize he was incredibly lucky the dad didn't start demanding families pay for the pool damage, at a minimum.

Please stop worrying about your son's social life and get him away from this "friend" group. Don't say it in those words. Just ensure he joins activities that keep him busy all school year long, and forbid that house, period, invitation or not.

NP. I grew up in this area in the 90s and there was a house EXACTLY like what the OP describes. It was a magnet for teens 14+. Sometimes there were considerably older "kids" there-- as in, late teens to early 20s, who were friends of the older sibling who was supposed to be in charge. The bolded is precisely what was going on and even good kids got caught up in the scene sometimes. I know this firsthand. I am not a helicopter parent and am probably more lax about a lot of stuff than most people on this board, but I can state without hesitation that I would NOT let my kids visit a house like what OP describes. The PP is spot on. This scene never ends well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, no, my 15YO boy would not be there.

Second, obviously the girls got caught and blamed the boys, saying they all just showed up uninvited and what could we do? So they threw the boys under the bus once and are ready to do it again if trouble happens -- don't let it be your kid next time.

Wow. Way to blame girls for boys getting in trouble. So, your son(s) are angels until a girl is around. Got it.

You have zero knowledge of what exactly happened but you're making up a story to fit a bigger view that girls are trouble and boys are so easily led astray, poor dears. Great lesson to teach boys.

NP here, I think the person overreaching here is you. This isn't a gender issue. This is a home resident vs guest issue. Get a grip.

So much liability here: someone could get hurt, someone could get assaulted, something valuable could get broken, something could go "missing" or get stolen, the cops could get called by a neighbor, someone will bring out alcohol/ cigarettes/ vaping/ drugs, someone could end up pregnant, someone could drown, someone could make up a lie and blame your kid, etc. The possibilities are endless. I mean, what could go wrong????

Are you insane? No adult supervision, none. The answer is no. And being just outside, all of those bad things could still happen outside.

Sweet baby Jesus. no no no no.

I don't care if the entire neighborhood is doing it.

Anonymous wrote:First, no, my 15YO boy would not be there.

Second, obviously the girls got caught and blamed the boys, saying they all just showed up uninvited and what could we do? So they threw the boys under the bus once and are ready to do it again if trouble happens -- don't let it be your kid next time.

Wow. Way to blame girls for boys getting in trouble. So, your son(s) are angels until a girl is around. Got it.

You have zero knowledge of what exactly happened but you're making up a story to fit a bigger view that girls are trouble and boys are so easily led astray, poor dears. Great lesson to teach boys.

Time for your son to be so busy with his own activities that the "hang out doing nothing with neighbor teens" stuff ends for good. He's old enough that between taking school seriously and engaging in extracurricular activities, he no longer has time for nonsense like wanting to hang out this way. Before slack DCUM "let them be kids, don't overschedule them" parents chime in: This boy is 14 and that's time to be in school clubs, trying new things whether it's robotics club or drama or band or art, a sport, volunteering, whatever.

OP, you seem not to know that the situation you describe is a perfect breeding ground for these young teens trying alcohol, weed, whatever, and experimenting sexually. This is THE age and stage for that, and the household you describe is an almost movie-script version of the ideal setting. You may react that YOUR son wouldn't do those things, your son has better sense, etc. but OP, that's what every one of these parents of these kids is thinking. Don't put the temptation directly in his way by letting him go there.

And the dad (despite being a crappy parent) was crystal clear--no going there unless invited. That did not mean "invited by my absentee teen or by other friends." You know it meant "by me, a parent." That translates to "never."

Step up now. Son needs other friends and other activities that are constructive. Only a few years before college -- time to get him a better peer group and better use of his time.

If he complains that he's being punished for other kids' misbehavior in damaging the pool--yes! He is. This is life. You and the dad have no idea who really damaged it so ALL the kids now have to stay away. Son needs to hear that when you hang out in places you should not be, things happen that will tar you with the same brush as everyone else. He, and you too OP, seem not to realize he was incredibly lucky the dad didn't start demanding families pay for the pool damage, at a minimum.

Please stop worrying about your son's social life and get him away from this "friend" group. Don't say it in those words. Just ensure he joins activities that keep him busy all school year long, and forbid that house, period, invitation or not.

First, no, my 15YO boy would not be there.

Second, obviously the girls got caught and blamed the boys, saying they all just showed up uninvited and what could we do? So they threw the boys under the bus once and are ready to do it again if trouble happens -- don't let it be your kid next time.

What is the great schools rating.

Anonymous wrote:In OP’s defense, apparently this is an everyone else is doing it situation. Those can be hard to navigate.

OP, I’m wondering if everyone else knows their kids are doing it. It may be that you’re more attentive, or that your kids are more honest with you - kudos in either case! I’d put my foot down on this. Let DS invite some friends over to hour house instead, maybe. Get them a pizza. I doubt they’re being fed st the unsupervised house.

Yes, if you are 15 y/o. Not if you are an adult acting like an adult. Jesus.

OP, obviously you need to text the father. Tell him that his son claims that he and his friends have been invited by the daughter and you are checking to make sure his permission has been given. Obviously I don't think he knows anything about this, but this gives him a head's up to deal with the situation with his daughter.

Personally, I wouldn't allow my kid to go no matter what. The kids vandalized the home owners property last time. That tells you everything you need to know.

Nope

This is going to end so badly.

Anonymous wrote:Ordinarily I'm really, really good at figuring out when the OP is actually a minor posing as a parent -- i.e., the DD or DS posing as the parent of said daughter/son and asking the question. This time, though, I think either the DS got me and he's adopted his mom's/dad's voice perfectly OR we've got a mom at whom we really are all shaking our collective head and who is really maybe well-intentioned (or something) but REALLY hasn't got a clue.

OP (whoever you are): just no. Or stop it. Or whatever it takes to help you understand that you have explicitly been told NO by the homeowner and that if you allow your son to go over to the home you are directly enabling trespassing not to mention encouraging a minor to go against parental wishes and to flaunt a teenage girl's parent's directives.

As the parent of a teenage girl, I'd consider this an open invitation for a whole raft of options ... not a single one of which is attractive -- and since you're identified as a parent who explicitly would have given permission for her child to attend this event (because your child has had the good sense to discuss this with you, per your post), I would hold you directly accountable.

You have only one responsible choice to model here. Please do what you would want someone to do were they in your (parental) shoes and just.say.no.

PS If indeed you are a teenager figuring out whether to attend a party or throw one when parents are out of town, again, please don't: it's not worth the horror show that can happen if someone gets hurt or accused, and these days increasingly someone will. Reputations and lives fall apart in seconds and can't get rebuilt no matter how many promises are made, truly.

+1,000,000

Of course your kid is TELLING you “everyone is doing it”!

Oldest LIE ever.