Anonymous
Post 08/14/2019 11:23     Subject: People still do this?
Anonymous wrote:This is a rule. Never ever comment about someone being pregnant until they mention it. It doesn’t matter how pregnant they look.


Yes, and hopefully this thread is also educational about *why* we have this rule because mistakenly telling someone that they are when they are not in the wrong situation can be devastating for them. (signed, someone who, except for needing to lose baby weight, has not been in the "look pregnant but am not" situation, but feel mightily for those who are or have been)
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2019 11:17     Subject: People still do this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is a rule. Never ever comment about someone being pregnant until they mention it. It doesn’t matter how pregnant they look.


My favorite pregnancy story from work (not a bad one!):

I work with a lot of men, engineering types. Nerdy and smart and not paying attention to you socially at all. I was probably 34 weeks pregnant and walked past a row of offices I don't normally walk past. One of the guys, who was maybe in his late 20s, saw me, stopped short and ran away. One of my younger female coworkers came up to me later and said "Charles came to me to ask if you were pregnant" and she was laughing. Because I was HUGE and it was very obvious. But I went by and told him he absolutely did the right thing! I found it really endearing that even when it felt so so obvious to me he still double checked with someone first.


Ha. Something similar happened to me, only it was an older man, head of another department, whom I worked with only a couple times a month. I thought it was very nice of him to ask my least-nosy colleague (whom he knows I'm close to) instead of either asking me himself or a seeking out a more gossipy colleague. He's got 6 kids so I'm sure he knew perfectly well, but was just being polite. Nice guy.

However, for my second pregnancy, I decided that it was better to just tell people or tell a couple gossipy people and let them spread the news, rather than watch people squirm awkwardly trying not to ask. I also got in the habit, when I saw an obviously pregnant colleague I hadn't seen in a while, to just say "so, what's new with you?" and give them an opening to say something.


LOL. Along these lines, I wait until someone sends around the baby shower invite. Then everyone stops the person in the hall to offer congrats. But most people don't say anything until it's "official." No one wants to be that person in the elevator that says "congrats" and gets the cold stare because the woman is just fat.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2019 09:56     Subject: People still do this?
Anonymous wrote:To her defense, the woman didn't know you miscarried, right? I assume she thought the pregnancy was going well especially since you never said otherwise?

Trying to figure out the context.

The woman didn't intentionally say it out of spite or purposely upset your child. It was just casual small talk.


The context is a STRANGER saw OP at a playground and assumed a small stomach bump meant she was pregnant. The stranger went on to tell OPs daughter that she was getting a new baby brother or sister. There are no words for how big a jerk this person is. This behavior is asinine, there are no circumstances where this could be considered okay.


Anonymous
Post 08/14/2019 09:51     Subject: People still do this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:To her defense, the woman didn't know you miscarried, right? I assume she thought the pregnancy was going well especially since you never said otherwise?

Trying to figure out the context.

The woman didn't intentionally say it out of spite or purposely upset your child. It was just casual small talk.


Also trying to figure out context. OP, was this someone you knew who knew that you were pregnant and didn’t realize your DD didn’t know? Or was this a stranger who just assumed you were pregnant based on your appearance? The first is a faux pas but I think forgivable. The second just defies words?


Yes but strangers should stop commenting on women’s bodies. It’s ridiculous and what are you hoping to accomplish?

I am sorry OP. People are dumb.


Exactly. I never understood the rush to defend the person who is doing what they shouldn’t be. Maybe those posters see themselves


It's not a rush to defend someone, the PP was asking for clarification.

Frankly, it's exhausting trying to avoid offending people these days. I keep to the weather with strangers or just smile and say nothing. Everyone has huge sticks up their butts these days, but we are all supposed to intuit the size, color, and exact history of those damn sticks so that we don't possibly offend. Exhausting.



A.M.E.N TO INFINITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!


If you find it so difficult to talk without offending people, there's an easy fix to that. Don't talk. It's not hard.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2019 09:47     Subject: People still do this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is a rule. Never ever comment about someone being pregnant until they mention it. It doesn’t matter how pregnant they look.


My favorite pregnancy story from work (not a bad one!):

I work with a lot of men, engineering types. Nerdy and smart and not paying attention to you socially at all. I was probably 34 weeks pregnant and walked past a row of offices I don't normally walk past. One of the guys, who was maybe in his late 20s, saw me, stopped short and ran away. One of my younger female coworkers came up to me later and said "Charles came to me to ask if you were pregnant" and she was laughing. Because I was HUGE and it was very obvious. But I went by and told him he absolutely did the right thing! I found it really endearing that even when it felt so so obvious to me he still double checked with someone first.


Ha. Something similar happened to me, only it was an older man, head of another department, whom I worked with only a couple times a month. I thought it was very nice of him to ask my least-nosy colleague (whom he knows I'm close to) instead of either asking me himself or a seeking out a more gossipy colleague. He's got 6 kids so I'm sure he knew perfectly well, but was just being polite. Nice guy.

However, for my second pregnancy, I decided that it was better to just tell people or tell a couple gossipy people and let them spread the news, rather than watch people squirm awkwardly trying not to ask. I also got in the habit, when I saw an obviously pregnant colleague I hadn't seen in a while, to just say "so, what's new with you?" and give them an opening to say something.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2019 09:45     Subject: People still do this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:To her defense, the woman didn't know you miscarried, right? I assume she thought the pregnancy was going well especially since you never said otherwise?

Trying to figure out the context.

The woman didn't intentionally say it out of spite or purposely upset your child. It was just casual small talk.


Also trying to figure out context. OP, was this someone you knew who knew that you were pregnant and didn’t realize your DD didn’t know? Or was this a stranger who just assumed you were pregnant based on your appearance? The first is a faux pas but I think forgivable. The second just defies words?


Yes but strangers should stop commenting on women’s bodies. It’s ridiculous and what are you hoping to accomplish?

I am sorry OP. People are dumb.


Exactly. I never understood the rush to defend the person who is doing what they shouldn’t be. Maybe those posters see themselves


It's not a rush to defend someone, the PP was asking for clarification.

Frankly, it's exhausting trying to avoid offending people these days. I keep to the weather with strangers or just smile and say nothing. Everyone has huge sticks up their butts these days, but we are all supposed to intuit the size, color, and exact history of those damn sticks so that we don't possibly offend. Exhausting.



A.M.E.N TO INFINITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2019 09:33     Subject: People still do this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:To her defense, the woman didn't know you miscarried, right? I assume she thought the pregnancy was going well especially since you never said otherwise?

Trying to figure out the context.

The woman didn't intentionally say it out of spite or purposely upset your child. It was just casual small talk.


Also trying to figure out context. OP, was this someone you knew who knew that you were pregnant and didn’t realize your DD didn’t know? Or was this a stranger who just assumed you were pregnant based on your appearance? The first is a faux pas but I think forgivable. The second just defies words?


Yes but strangers should stop commenting on women’s bodies. It’s ridiculous and what are you hoping to accomplish?

I am sorry OP. People are dumb.


Exactly. I never understood the rush to defend the person who is doing what they shouldn’t be. Maybe those posters see themselves


It's not a rush to defend someone, the PP was asking for clarification.

Frankly, it's exhausting trying to avoid offending people these days. I keep to the weather with strangers or just smile and say nothing. Everyone has huge sticks up their butts these days, but we are all supposed to intuit the size, color, and exact history of those damn sticks so that we don't possibly offend. Exhausting.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2019 09:32     Subject: People still do this?
You don't even have to look pregnant.

I declined alcohol at a party and was careful about what I was eating because I was having a surgery the next day (which I really didn't want to talk about) and everyone started asking if I was in the early stages of pregnancy.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2019 09:29     Subject: People still do this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:To her defense, the woman didn't know you miscarried, right? I assume she thought the pregnancy was going well especially since you never said otherwise?

Trying to figure out the context.

The woman didn't intentionally say it out of spite or purposely upset your child. It was just casual small talk.


Also trying to figure out context. OP, was this someone you knew who knew that you were pregnant and didn’t realize your DD didn’t know? Or was this a stranger who just assumed you were pregnant based on your appearance? The first is a faux pas but I think forgivable. The second just defies words?


Yes but strangers should stop commenting on women’s bodies. It’s ridiculous and what are you hoping to accomplish?

I am sorry OP. People are dumb.


Exactly. I never understood the rush to defend the person who is doing what they shouldn’t be. Maybe those posters see themselves


I'm sorry to hear of your miscarriage, OP, but to the PP above: *Every* single solitary one of us has done something like this some time in our lives. If you say you haven't, the person you offended or hurt just never told you or you are extra oblivious. Yes, people are stupid sometimes. We are ALL stupid sometimes. Some days you hurt, some days you are hurt.

OP, I'm sorry this woman hurt you, but if it wasn't purposeful, you should let it go. If you told her you weren't pregnant, chances are she feels badly about it and will think twice the next time. If a person is being malicious or if they don't feel bad after they realize the faux pas, then go ahead and think badly of them. If they made a mistake and they are sorry, it's time to move on.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2019 09:18     Subject: People still do this?
Anonymous wrote:Context is that it was a stranger. I had to told anyone. The point is stop saying things that are potentially hurtful because you never know what’s going on. I appreciate those who’ve been in this situation and your thoughts.

Impact over intent.


I'm sorry OP. There's no excuse.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2019 09:13     Subject: People still do this?
Anonymous wrote:A woman went up to my DD and said—oh you are going to have a baby brother or sister soon!” I told her no and I recently miscarried. Now DD is crying because she thought there was going to be a baby. People. Bite.yoyr. Tongue


People feel free to do this because so many of you lay out your private lives for all the world to see. Stop telling Facebook etc., everything about your lives. Not to mention telling people in your office about your problems with infertility because, frankly, the rest of us don't give a damn.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2019 07:55     Subject: People still do this?
Anonymous wrote:This is a rule. Never ever comment about someone being pregnant until they mention it. It doesn’t matter how pregnant they look.


My favorite pregnancy story from work (not a bad one!):

I work with a lot of men, engineering types. Nerdy and smart and not paying attention to you socially at all. I was probably 34 weeks pregnant and walked past a row of offices I don't normally walk past. One of the guys, who was maybe in his late 20s, saw me, stopped short and ran away. One of my younger female coworkers came up to me later and said "Charles came to me to ask if you were pregnant" and she was laughing. Because I was HUGE and it was very obvious. But I went by and told him he absolutely did the right thing! I found it really endearing that even when it felt so so obvious to me he still double checked with someone first.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2019 07:49     Subject: People still do this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:To her defense, the woman didn't know you miscarried, right? I assume she thought the pregnancy was going well especially since you never said otherwise?

Trying to figure out the context.

The woman didn't intentionally say it out of spite or purposely upset your child. It was just casual small talk.


Also trying to figure out context. OP, was this someone you knew who knew that you were pregnant and didn’t realize your DD didn’t know? Or was this a stranger who just assumed you were pregnant based on your appearance? The first is a faux pas but I think forgivable. The second just defies words?


Yes but strangers should stop commenting on women’s bodies. It’s ridiculous and what are you hoping to accomplish?

I am sorry OP. People are dumb.


Exactly. I never understood the rush to defend the person who is doing what they shouldn’t be. Maybe those posters see themselves
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2019 07:33     Subject: People still do this?
This is a rule. Never ever comment about someone being pregnant until they mention it. It doesn’t matter how pregnant they look.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2019 07:33     Subject: People still do this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:To her defense, the woman didn't know you miscarried, right? I assume she thought the pregnancy was going well especially since you never said otherwise?

Trying to figure out the context.

The woman didn't intentionally say it out of spite or purposely upset your child. It was just casual small talk.


Also trying to figure out context. OP, was this someone you knew who knew that you were pregnant and didn’t realize your DD didn’t know? Or was this a stranger who just assumed you were pregnant based on your appearance? The first is a faux pas but I think forgivable. The second just defies words?


Yes but strangers should stop commenting on women’s bodies. It’s ridiculous and what are you hoping to accomplish?

I am sorry OP. People are dumb.