Anonymous
Post 08/12/2019 18:33     Subject: Re:Where do you think mean kids get it from?
I don't know - I mean I think 80% is parents, but there is 20% that is temperament and self-esteem/insecurity issues - I have one child that is the nicest kid and so intuitive and kind and wins kindness awards at camp and school. I have another and we have been working on kindness for about 5 years - and it's SO much better, but it's a work in progress - her's comes from social anxiety and low self -esteem - we work really really hard.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2019 18:32     Subject: Where do you think mean kids get it from?
Anonymous wrote:Our child picked up a lot of bad behaviors such as f word, spying, revenge skills from a very smart friend who suggested to spy on girls panties and colors. It’s a shame that we learned from school and we were blamed naturally as parents while we don’t even speak English at home.

We had to work very hard and train our child since then. We also learned that this county is overrated with a lot of filthy children who are smart at studying but extremely goofy in what they are exposed to at home or from internet.

So it’s not just parents. Friends in school play a big role as well.

What does not speaking English have to do with your kid looking at girls’ underwear? You sound like those parents who never admit their child could ever do anything wrong.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2019 18:31     Subject: Where do you think mean kids get it from?
Barring truly bad situations where the child is actually sociopathic, it’s the parents. The parents. The parents.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2019 18:28     Subject: Where do you think mean kids get it from?
Sometimes it is a gossip parent that creates this. They don't think they are doing anything wrong, but constantly comment on looks, weight, hair, clothes, it doesn't have to be beating your kid, it can be things that some people think are normal.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2019 18:28     Subject: Where do you think mean kids get it from?
Our child picked up a lot of bad behaviors such as f word, spying, revenge skills from a very smart friend who suggested to spy on girls panties and colors. It’s a shame that we learned from school and we were blamed naturally as parents while we don’t even speak English at home.

We had to work very hard and train our child since then. We also learned that this county is overrated with a lot of filthy children who are smart at studying but extremely goofy in what they are exposed to at home or from internet.

So it’s not just parents. Friends in school play a big role as well.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2019 18:19     Subject: Re:Where do you think mean kids get it from?
Crappy parenting. Always.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2019 18:13     Subject: Where do you think mean kids get it from?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I disagree and think a) kids are born with their personalities and parents have little control, and b) many times meanness comes from insecurities and kids will outgrow it.

Andbwfore soneone says they found the mean kids’ mom, I’m a total rule-follower who was never in trouble (probably more mild than is good for me) and my kids seem to be the same, at least so far.


Np. To add, sometimes two siblings with same parents and in same household are very different.

That's true because no two children grow up in the exact same environment. I saw that even with my best friend's triplets. Each parent treated each triplet differently.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2019 18:10     Subject: Where do you think mean kids get it from?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I disagree and think a) kids are born with their personalities and parents have little control, and b) many times meanness comes from insecurities and kids will outgrow it.

Andbwfore soneone says they found the mean kids’ mom, I’m a total rule-follower who was never in trouble (probably more mild than is good for me) and my kids seem to be the same, at least so far.


Np. To add, sometimes two siblings with same parents and in same household are very different.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2019 18:10     Subject: Where do you think mean kids get it from?
Anonymous wrote:I disagree and think a) kids are born with their personalities and parents have little control, and b) many times meanness comes from insecurities and kids will outgrow it.

Nope, always look in the mirror if you want to see what's wrong with your mean kid. Or look at the father of the kid.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2019 18:04     Subject: Where do you think mean kids get it from?
Anonymous wrote:I disagree and think a) kids are born with their personalities and parents have little control, and b) many times meanness comes from insecurities and kids will outgrow it.

Andbwfore soneone says they found the mean kids’ mom, I’m a total rule-follower who was never in trouble (probably more mild than is good for me) and my kids seem to be the same, at least so far.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2019 18:03     Subject: Where do you think mean kids get it from?
I disagree and think a) kids are born with their personalities and parents have little control, and b) many times meanness comes from insecurities and kids will outgrow it.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2019 18:00     Subject: Where do you think mean kids get it from?
Anonymous wrote:Part of it is that they know it's bad behavior but their busy parents only paid attention to them when they did something negative. So it got reinforced. Positive reinforcement is really really hard when you're stressed out but so important


Yes.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2019 18:00     Subject: Re:Where do you think mean kids get it from?
It’s almost always a girl with older sisters.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2019 17:59     Subject: Re:Where do you think mean kids get it from?
Anonymous wrote:I agree that it's the parents but not always that the parents are abusive. Some parents don't spend enough time fostering things like empathy. When my son (who wasn't hit at home) hit another child at the pool I explained that he was not to do that and that he had made her sad. I asked him how he would feel if his friend hit him and when he responded I told him that's how he'd made the other child feel. I think it's never too early to teach compassion and empathy.

I agree. Good parenting takes time and energy.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2019 17:59     Subject: Where do you think mean kids get it from?
Part of it is that they know it's bad behavior but their busy parents only paid attention to them when they did something negative. So it got reinforced. Positive reinforcement is really really hard when you're stressed out but so important