Is is common/normal, but you still need to challenge it or she will get worse.

I remind my kid regularly that I am not an uber driver, a waitress, paid help. That they are part of a family and have responsibilities, just as I their parent do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think most teens are like this. I was never like this but then again I'd get my ass beat if I didn't obey my parents. Maybe you can starting whooping some ass. No just kidding. This too shall pass. If not, tell them to GET OUT of your house once they're older.

+1 I never gave my mom these types of problems and I too got my ass beat.

Okay, so two votes for kicking her butt. Maybe I'll start with a good old fashioned spanking and see if that works (so tempting... )

Ew ew ew ew ew

Anonymous wrote:I don't have a teenager (yet), but I was like this as a teen (sorry, Mom and Dad). Yes, teens are self-centered. I didn't understand just what it took to keep the family/house running (the work my parents did just faded into the background for me) nor did I understand how lucky I was to have the amount of free time teens have. Now I'm on the other side of things -- karma!

So your DD will probably eventually grow up to be a normal functional adult and when she complains to you how her teens do nothing, you can laugh and laugh.

OMG so true! DH constantly complains about “lazy, nasty” almost 15 yr old DS. I keep telling him that DS is a teenager and will come out on the other side somewhere in his 20s. We just have to wait it out while maintaining household rules etc. for what it’s worth, I was a mildly obnoxious teenager while my two siblings very nearly broke my parents. We are all functional adults with two of us going through the same thing with kids of our own.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel your pain. I literally have to remind my step-DD to empty the dishwasher, turn the lights off when she departs. It's like the dishwasher and light switches do not exist in her teenage world!!! She offered to make dinner the other day and made dinner just for herself and my DH, like me and her siblings do not exist. I let my DH address this one and other issues. Where is your DH on this? Maybe she'll be more receptive to him. In our case, ours is..... I just hope it's a temporary "teen" issue and ours ends up being a successful/functioning adult.

Its hard when kids have two different rules at two different homes. We put in motion sensors in some of the rooms for the lights. They get turned off.

Maybe yours needs some 1-1 time with her Dad and there is probably more to this than normal teen stuff.

Step-DD is with us full time, her mom does not have custody (limited visitation). She gets plenty of 1-1 with dad. I encourage it, as it is good for both of them.

Anonymous wrote:I feel your pain. I literally have to remind my step-DD to empty the dishwasher, turn the lights off when she departs. It's like the dishwasher and light switches do not exist in her teenage world!!! She offered to make dinner the other day and made dinner just for herself and my DH, like me and her siblings do not exist. I let my DH address this one and other issues. Where is your DH on this? Maybe she'll be more receptive to him. In our case, ours is..... I just hope it's a temporary "teen" issue and ours ends up being a successful/functioning adult.

Its hard when kids have two different rules at two different homes. We put in motion sensors in some of the rooms for the lights. They get turned off.

Maybe yours needs some 1-1 time with her Dad and there is probably more to this than normal teen stuff.

Have consequences. No car if she will not drop her sister off. No cleaning up, no electronics till you clean up.

Anonymous wrote:How does she get money for clothes? Going anywhere? Using any screens?

Not OP, but my teens have jobs.

How does she get money for clothes? Going anywhere? Using any screens?

Anonymous wrote:My kids can sometimes be jerks and selfish towards their siblings, but they know that won't fly if they behave like that towards us, the parents.

We ask once for them to do a chore and if it's not completed in a reasonable amount of time, usually we go with by the end of the day, a privilege is lost.

If my daughter had left craft supplies out for over a week after asking her to clean them up, she would only be driving to drop off her sister and then coming back home. No visiting friends for her until that was completed.

Ignoring her chore of unloading the dishwasher? Phone and TV privileges are gone until that's completed.

We started young with expectations & consequences and as a result, our teens are generally pleasant people.

It just baffles me all the parents on here who don't seem to understand that not following directions = loss of privileges.

I don't disagree, but I will say that my soon to be 18 year old is an ass. Loss of phone = he bought his own, etc. Managing an adult, who is still in HS is going to be very trying. He was a great kid, but as he inches toward the finish line, he has just become the ultimate selfish jerk.

My daughter is the same age. I find natural consequences work well. "If you won't put the crafts away, you can no longer have crafts." "If you won't drive to do this errand then you can't drive at all."

My kids can sometimes be jerks and selfish towards their siblings, but they know that won't fly if they behave like that towards us, the parents.

We ask once for them to do a chore and if it's not completed in a reasonable amount of time, usually we go with by the end of the day, a privilege is lost.

If my daughter had left craft supplies out for over a week after asking her to clean them up, she would only be driving to drop off her sister and then coming back home. No visiting friends for her until that was completed.

Ignoring her chore of unloading the dishwasher? Phone and TV privileges are gone until that's completed.

We started young with expectations & consequences and as a result, our teens are generally pleasant people.

It just baffles me all the parents on here who don't seem to understand that not following directions = loss of privileges.

Anonymous wrote:I feel your pain. I literally have to remind my step-DD to empty the dishwasher, turn the lights off when she departs. It's like the dishwasher and light switches do not exist in her teenage world!!! She offered to make dinner the other day and made dinner just for herself and my DH, like me and her siblings do not exist. I let my DH address this one and other issues. Where is your DH on this? Maybe she'll be more receptive to him. In our case, ours is..... I just hope it's a temporary "teen" issue and ours ends up being a successful/functioning adult.

Dp. I think your issues are more complicated considering it is your step daughter. There is probably a lot more going on and some underlying resentment. Did she specifically say she would make dinner for you and half sibs. Perhaps she does wish you didn't exsist. Not saying it was right but we are only getting your side.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think most teens are like this. I was never like this but then again I'd get my ass beat if I didn't obey my parents. Maybe you can starting whooping some ass. No just kidding. This too shall pass. If not, tell them to GET OUT of your house once they're older.

+1 I never gave my mom these types of problems and I too got my ass beat.

Okay, so two votes for kicking her butt. Maybe I'll start with a good old fashioned spanking and see if that works (so tempting... )

Dp. You know you can't spank a teenager. I don't think you should spank anyone but, potentially the teenager would be more difficult. First of all. You need to talk to her. The car is a privlege and it should be explained that she needs to do things to gain access. As far as school goes you need to give that up. Tell her that if she doesn't get good grades than can't use the car of go out but she needs to learn how to take responsibility for her grades.

I have taken a different approach to the "ass whooping"- YMMV. Last summer, DD was 16 and I decided I would give her the summer without any nagging from me. It was hard, but I just decided to completely lower my expectations. I did ASK her to do some things, but if she didn't do them, I wouldn't nag. This worked mainly because she is an incredibly easy going and nice person (still an entitled, "spoiled" and very messy teenager though). I've taken that approach again this summer although I have been gently asking her to do a few more things.

It can be frustrating, but it's only a matter of a few years until both my kids are off to college and I'm sure I'll miss them.

Honestly, I've realized there are just some things they are not going to learn in my household no matter how much I nag. (My) Teenagers are NEVER going to care if their bathroom is clean for example, but I do have faith that once they are living on their own, they will come around.

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, social media and electronics are contributing to this in a huge way.

Nonsense. Teens have been assholes since the beging of time. I'm really tired of phones and social media being blamed for routine issues. They are jerks as they break away from the family unit. It's easier on them, but more difficult on parents.