I had a very tough childhood with my mother, but I just accept it and her for what it is. We don’t have a super close relationship, but it’s fine. Only two times have I called my mother out on her very inaccurate recollection of the past and I regret both of those. What good does it do? Arguing about the truth does nothing and changes nothing. Calling her out on her mistreatments does nothing and changes nothing. Just move on with as much or as little connection as you want. You will not get closure from your mother and doubtful you will come to any sort of understanding that makes you both feel better. It is what it is, why rehash it all out?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, like someone else said, this is far too serious for this forum. You need a therapist, some major space from your mom, and a come to Jesus with your husband. Do not have kids with if you haven’t already until this is sorted out. He is very, very wrong in this situation. Best of luck.

+100

Another +100. But I'd say you need more than "major space" with mom; you need to end contact.

Individual therapy for you to start, and then couples therapy concurrent with individual therapy. Your DH should have your back -- not "vocally" support your mom as you put it.

Both are telling you that your life story is not your own, OP. I'd spend today and tomorrow finding a therapist, prepare your script for telling mom you're going to stop contact (i'd want a therapist to help me work out how to say this) and telling DH that if he maintains contact with mom, he is choosing to damage the marriage probably beyond repair.

Get help and support since DH isn't providing it. Does he also dismiss your experiences and input in other parts of your marriage? I'm guessing maybe yes.

Anonymous wrote:OP, like someone else said, this is far too serious for this forum. You need a therapist, some major space from your mom, and a come to Jesus with your husband. Do not have kids with if you haven’t already until this is sorted out. He is very, very wrong in this situation. Best of luck.

+100

OP, like someone else said, this is far too serious for this forum. You need a therapist, some major space from your mom, and a come to Jesus with your husband. Do not have kids with if you haven’t already until this is sorted out. He is very, very wrong in this situation. Best of luck.

My mom rewrites history, but fortunately does not (and did not) engage in the level of emotional abuse OP and others are describing. Nonetheless, it is difficult to me to hear the revised history my mom tells people, often because it diminishes me in favor of my brother, or manages to make my accomplishments about my mom.

Luckily, my DH knows my mom well and knows that she does this, and any story she tells is, at best, 50% truth.

Anonymous wrote:I am worried that you chose a husband who is replicating your mother’s behavior by not believing you and making you doubt your own reality. Therapy stat, please, OP.

This OP. Get yourself into therapy (for yourself, not marriage counseling) ASAP. You married someone who isn't on your side and doesn't trust what you say.

Anonymous wrote:No good will come from having a relationship with her. Cut her off completely, and start the healing process, OP.

This, but you can't do it without your husband's support. She cause problems between the two of you and use triangulation. He needs to agree to not communicate with her too.

Anonymous wrote:Eh, old people will sometimes embellish stories or exaggerate anecdotes. It isnt that uncommon. You should hear some of the war stories and the like grandpa tells the kids; it gets better everytime (and yes, he repeats himself).

Having said that, is your mom starting to have memory slip ups so she just fills in what (and how) she wants to remember it? Also, her perspective is way different than yours (especially if they are stories from your childhood).

Can you give examples? Your post is vague and generalized and it is hard to discern how much you should read into it.

Do you have BPD too? Gaslighting the OP is cray cray.

Sounds like you need to rein in your husband and minimize time with your mom.

My mother was and is similarly mercurial. I keep contact at a low level and superficial. I'm pleasant enough to her, but do not engage beyond surface politeness. If she tries to stir up nonsense, I'll disengage and leave.

Your mom validates herself through your DH (I dont understand why your dh sides w/ your mom....can you explain? Does he think you're a drama queen? Is he in denial about your childhood?).

Gaslighting. It is what they do. Low or no contact.

I am worried that you chose a husband who is replicating your mother’s behavior by not believing you and making you doubt your own reality. Therapy stat, please, OP.

Therapy, therapy, therapy. Try reading the book “Stop Walking on Eggshells”.

No good will come from having a relationship with her. Cut her off completely, and start the healing process, OP.