Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, who are you in this situation?

I'm concerned you are trying to persuade a minor into a very disturbing situation. Know that you can get into trouble for that.

The daughter must refuse to go to her father's. End of story. If the police show up - which they won't - then don't answer the door. They're not going to break it down.

I can get in trouble for this idea? No. That’s just silly. I’m a relative.

I’m not suggesting she get into any romantic or live-in relationship with anyone. She’s had a tough few years and that’s the last thing she needs. Again, I’m asking if marrying a platonic friend close to her own age, and continuing to live with her mother is a crazy idea. Divorce would follow after she’s 18. It would permanently put an end to her having to see her abusive father, and it would be immediate. That’s why I’m even asking this question. I feel like I’ve made these things clear in my previous responses.

If she has an attorney (or you do) who is advising on the other issues you have mentioned, then this question is best posed to the attorney. I would imagine it's hard these days, with gay marriage and all, to have to prove you consummated the marriage -- but there are all sorts of crazy jurisdictions. Ask the attorney.

Yeah, rereading this--file for order of protection, refuse to go to her father's. Have a plan involving other people so if he shows up for her someone calls the cops. If he does do something and prevents her from calling, that can be a felony but obviously you don't want that situation. Have her stay with you.

If she's under 18, she probably needs consent from at least one parent. If she trusts her mother, then have her mother get her to a DV crisis center.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, who are you in this situation?

I'm concerned you are trying to persuade a minor into a very disturbing situation. Know that you can get into trouble for that.

The daughter must refuse to go to her father's. End of story. If the police show up - which they won't - then don't answer the door. They're not going to break it down.

I can get in trouble for this idea? No. That’s just silly. I’m a relative.

I’m not suggesting she get into any romantic or live-in relationship with anyone. She’s had a tough few years and that’s the last thing she needs. Again, I’m asking if marrying a platonic friend close to her own age, and continuing to live with her mother is a crazy idea. Divorce would follow after she’s 18. It would permanently put an end to her having to see her abusive father, and it would be immediate. That’s why I’m even asking this question. I feel like I’ve made these things clear in my previous responses.

In my experience if she has a safe place to stay until she is 18 the police and courts will go along with that. She needs to clearly verbalize to authorities that she is physically afraid of her father. The safe place should be with a friend who has a stable parent situation in the home, or perhaps a relative with a stable home situation. Police and courts do not want to return an almost adult minor to an abusive or unsafe situation. She could apply for emancipation but as you know it would likely take until after her birthday for it to move through the courts. But regardless, if she can establish a safe place to stay, and assure the court she will go to school or do whatever else she is supposed to do, they will very likely go along with that.

Marrying someone to get away from her father is not a great idea. On the other hand, marrying someone to get on a good health insurance program is not a bad idea. Sorry, just an aside there, ignore that.

Why can't she get help from a DV agency to file for a protective order? CPS decision not to proceed themselves should not prohibit that. She could also just file for partial emancipation to make her own decisions where to live.

Guess that CPS did not proceed because she is 17, because she has some ability to protect herself, etc. Doesn't mean they have the last word.

Does she have an advocate in the court system? A guardian ad litem?

Anonymous wrote:OP, who are you in this situation?

I'm concerned you are trying to persuade a minor into a very disturbing situation. Know that you can get into trouble for that.

The daughter must refuse to go to her father's. End of story. If the police show up - which they won't - then don't answer the door. They're not going to break it down.

I can get in trouble for this idea? No. That’s just silly. I’m a relative.

I’m not suggesting she get into any romantic or live-in relationship with anyone. She’s had a tough few years and that’s the last thing she needs. Again, I’m asking if marrying a platonic friend close to her own age, and continuing to live with her mother is a crazy idea. Divorce would follow after she’s 18. It would permanently put an end to her having to see her abusive father, and it would be immediate. That’s why I’m even asking this question. I feel like I’ve made these things clear in my previous responses.

Who are you in this situation, and who would this girl marry? Is it a boyfriend, or just a willing person?

OP, who are you in this situation?

I'm concerned you are trying to persuade a minor into a very disturbing situation. Know that you can get into trouble for that.

The daughter must refuse to go to her father's. End of story. If the police show up - which they won't - then don't answer the door. They're not going to break it down.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you the platonic friend?

That’s a clown question.

Touched a nerve?

Anonymous wrote:Are you the platonic friend?

That’s a clown question.

Anonymous wrote:I would never ever advise a 17 year to get married. She needs counseling and healing. Does she have anywhere else to go?

The custody order is the issue. She can live with her mother full time if they can find a way around that.

Anonymous wrote:Oh, and a commissioner ( MD) or magistrate ( VA) do protective orders, not the Police.

Not sure who you are in this scenario but you have bad info.

This is outside the DMV area. The attorney and local police officer said that’s how refusal to follow a custody order would be handled. I don’t think it’s bad information. She could just refuse and see what happens. Being picked up by the cops is better than the alternative.

Are you the platonic friend?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
When can't she refuse to go with her father? Call the judge herself to day she is being abused by him, call police if he comes near her, ask for a restraining order?

The father can send the police to pick her up if she doesn’t show up for visitation. She can’t call anyone when it’s happening. He won’t allow her access to a phone. The police said she can request a restraining order only after provable threats or additional injuries.

This is not true.

I would never ever advise a 17 year to get married. She needs counseling and healing. Does she have anywhere else to go?