Anonymous wrote:I would not want to pay $200 for our family of four to go on an excursion unless it was something amazing and our one big splurge of the vacation. That is expensive. I also works not be comfortable with you paying.

Same here. I would prefer sign up if you want to. Then I could gracefully pass and sleep in.

Anonymous wrote:Are you a SAHM? I ask this because you seem fixated on spending money in a way that indicates you have little control over it. That...or did you grow up without much money? Your DH’s siblings are going on a subsidized vacation....let them decide how they want to spend their $$ and you do your activities (arranged by Step FIL).

DP here. I did not get that sense at all that the OP is a SAHM or has grown up without much money? How did you hit upon that epiphany? She seems to be sensitive to other people's feelings and wants to be generous. Seems like a well-brought up person who is very functional to me.

I am a WOHM who was raised UMC, BTW.

I would not want to pay $200 for our family of four to go on an excursion unless it was something amazing and our one big splurge of the vacation. That is expensive. I also works not be comfortable with you paying.

It is fine to offer to treat, just make it clear that you are treating. This is how mu husbands family works. One set of siblings insists on paying for a house for a long weekend and will not accept money. So someone else pays for a meal, and we offer to pay for an activity. If anyone was strapped for cash, they would just suggest they cover something less expensive, like bring bagels or something.

If they count teens as adults, which they usually do, OP on the hook for $500 for a morning sail ?

You don't even know if people want to go and you have already decided they can't afford it?

Are you a SAHM? I ask this because you seem fixated on spending money in a way that indicates you have little control over it. That...or did you grow up without much money? Your DH’s siblings are going on a subsidized vacation....let them decide how they want to spend their $$ and you do your activities (arranged by Step FIL).

Who makes the income in your family? If it’s DH, he should do the inviting. If it’s split, he should still do the inviting.

This is his family and he knows them best...if he thinks it would be weird...then don’t do it. Just go sailing. Also, keep in mind that not everyone will like sailing...small kids...no thanks...pregnant...no thanks.

I personally do not see any issues with inviting them and paying for it. “I found a great deal on a sail boat rental (use casual terms) and whomever is interested is welcome to join!”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Hey fam I’ve chartered a boat for us Tuesday morning.”

But also... everyone in your family makes a decent income and can pay $50 a head for an activity if they choose. You’re overthinking.

This - don't position it as a $50 per head thing. You are chartering a boat and are inviting everyone to come along.

We do this a lot with family. We actually usually end up paying for the house and inviting people to join us. We take turns cooking "in" and going out. If it's your night to cook in, you are in charge of the groceries. When we go out, we split the check. Our family is bigger but we just split it either 2 or 3 ways depending on who all is there.

I agree with this. Just tell everyone you chartered a boat. If they want to pay, tell them it is $50 per person or contribute what you can.

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s fine to invite everyone to the sailing thing. The key is to make it clear when it’s your treat. Offering to pay for the cruise upfront is a nice gesture.


I think splitting expenses is a good way to go so everyone is comfortable.

I agree with this. However, I think that the onus is on the more affluent family members (namely your nuclear family) to tone it down with respect to all other aspects of the trip. For example, you may be used to eating out and others may not because they are economizing so imo it would behoove you to eat in even if your preference is otherwise. Does it mean that your desires will be tempered by others abilities to pay? Yes it does. Nothing will send a group get together south faster than one person making choices that others can't afford and then making the differences apparent. Have a great trip!

Anonymous wrote:“Hey fam I’ve chartered a boat for us Tuesday morning.”

But also... everyone in your family makes a decent income and can pay $50 a head for an activity if they choose. You’re overthinking.

This - don't position it as a $50 per head thing. You are chartering a boat and are inviting everyone to come along.

We do this a lot with family. We actually usually end up paying for the house and inviting people to join us. We take turns cooking "in" and going out. If it's your night to cook in, you are in charge of the groceries. When we go out, we split the check. Our family is bigger but we just split it either 2 or 3 ways depending on who all is there.

*DH* thinks it would be weird to pay for everyone, and it’s his family, so you don’t do it. Doesn’t matter what people here think if DH is not on board. If DH agrees, share the link and let people join you or not.

OP, why are you so focused on this one random sailing trip?

Anonymous wrote:Treating all those people will be very expensive. Just send a link. They can opt in or out. Some people don’t like sailing.

Don't be cheap, 50/head is not that expensive

I don't think it would be weird for your DH to pay for everyone.

If you invite someone to do something with you, typically you pay.

We do this with our adult siblings. Eventually everyone ends up paying for some outing or dinner so it evens out. And even if it doesn't, who cares?

Just be generous and offer to treat them. Don't say how much, just say "hey want to do this? Our treat."