Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you've been friend-zoned. There are plenty of women out there - I'd find one of them. If she ever changes her mind about you, she knows where to find you.

As a woman, I would never as a male friend to come over and see what I'm wearing. That is weird. I'm a pp who didn't have a BF until 30, and that was my DH.

10:45 here - even if you've been friend-zoned before, it's going to be different with different people. Maybe she is practice flirting with you, to get comfortable with flirting with people she actually wants to date. Who knows. Either way, you've asked her out, she's said no. Sad thing is, that is probably making her more attractive to you, and you might be ignoring other women who might actually want to date you but aren't such a "mystery".

Sounds like you've been friend-zoned. There are plenty of women out there - I'd find one of them. If she ever changes her mind about you, she knows where to find you.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I know what friendzoned is and feels like. I've been through that many times before. This is different. She actively flirts with me. Asks me to come see her dress she's worn that day. Combine this with the fact that she has NEVER had a relationship at age 35, and that leads me to believe this is a unique case -- one that I've already admitted I'm not sure is worth pursuing any further.

More than anything is a curiosity about how to reach someone like this, if it's possible. Maybe she just will stay single the rest of her life. Maybe she is actually gay and is conflicted about that because of her upbringing.

Nothing you have described remotely suggests that she has a romantic interest. Sorry.

Anonymous wrote:what is with all the judgment? Maybe she never met anyone "worthy"

I only was in one semi serious relationship (a year) before I met my husband at 37, but I had plenty of people I saw for a couple of weeks here and there. I lived in Manhattan and i blame the lack of commitment among 20-something men up there. Then I moved to suburbia in my 30s where everyone "good" was married.

I'm not saying she is problem free but there are probably reasons, and they don't necessarily ned a microscope.

Why is it such a curiosity?

Because of her age?

Why bother with this?

Well, I wouldn't be optimistic. But I'd also give being direct a chance.

"Hey Kate, I enjoy our flirtation and would love to take you out sometime. What do you think?"

And if she says no again then just say "Ok, I guess I was misreading all the flirtation as something more." And move on - permanently.

Odds are this would be an uphill battle but you can give her one last shot if you like. Just be direct about it so you can know what you're dealing with and make a decision.

Keep us posted!

Date her (it'll take a year before you even get a kiss) and other women at the same time. Life is too short.

I think you have two choices. Ask her out one more time and if she she gives you the same bull, move on. Option 2 is just move on.

Honestly, I could understand this happening and not think she's "weird." I'm 32 and was in a relationship with my ex for over 10 years until recently. Now that I'm ready to date again, it is really, really hard for someone who is introverted. It takes a lot of mental effort to scroll through the apps and actually find someone interesting, and then match with them, and then actually start a decent conversation. It was a lot simpler in my head than it is in reality.

What does strike me though is that as an introvert myself, the situation you have would actually be so much more ideal. She has had time to slowly get to know you. But it is possible she has developed anxiety about being in a relationship at all, just because she has no experience.

what is with all the judgment? Maybe she never met anyone "worthy"

I only was in one semi serious relationship (a year) before I met my husband at 37, but I had plenty of people I saw for a couple of weeks here and there. I lived in Manhattan and i blame the lack of commitment among 20-something men up there. Then I moved to suburbia in my 30s where everyone "good" was married.

I'm not saying she is problem free but there are probably reasons, and they don't necessarily ned a microscope.

Why is it such a curiosity?

“Move slowly” doesn’t seem like friend zone to me. OP, just come out and ask her on a date and tell her that a first date doesn’t mean things are moving quickly. If she says no, then forget it and move on, and stop responding to anything you think is flirting.

Wow she must be pretty hot if you are this hung up on a 35 year old woman...

Doesn’t sound like a Catholic issue —unless you think she is subconsciously a lesbian. She sounds asexual.

Did she go on dates with other people?