Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hitting/biting? - if I see a kid is going through a hitting phase, I am on top of them and will catch their hand to prevent the hit. I catch, squeeze a little to get their attention and say "People are not for hitting." If they are in a biting phase, I try to lower their frustration so they won't bite. And I remove them from the room when they do.

Yelling? Reverse psychology if needed, but yelling isn't that big a deal unless in a restaurant or something. I guess I'd take them out and say "It's not acceptable to yell inside. We'll stand here until you're ready to speak at a lower volume."

Refusing to share? Eh. I don't believe everyone has to share everything.

Getting out of bed at bedtime? Basically, the super nanny way. I don't like a lot of her tactics, but this one I'm okay with as long as their true needs are met.

Not brushing teeth/completing other task/chore? I follow them around and make them do it. No doing anything fun until it's done.

Pretty close to what we do. Not punishing does not mean not having or enforcing boundaries. For tooth brushing or getting out of bed we’d try to figure out the “why” underneath and address that. If it’s boring, then make tooth brushing fun, let the kid do it first, have a race, whatever. I know people think these things “take too much time” but they generally solve the problem more quickly (that is, take collectively less time) in the long run vs putting a kid in time out or whatever. OP, if it feels like maybe punishments and rewards are just POSSIBLY not the only way to raise a decent human being, check out Janet Lansbury for younger kids and Allie Kohn for older.

+1. Also Dr. Laura Markaham at Aha Parenting. Her books are great but also a ton of free quick articles on her website.

+1 another good one — How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen. This is great and straight to get point with a ton of strategies for compliance without power struggles.

Anonymous wrote:Hitting/biting?

Yelling?

Refusing to share?

Getting out of bed at bedtime?

Not brushing teeth/completing other task/chore?


We do take away TV time as the major consequence for our kids (3 & 4). The other thread about taking away electronics says this isn't a logical consequence to the behavior but we've struggled to think of what those would be for this age group. What do others do?

We do tv must be earned by good behavior the entire day. So it’s earning it, not taking it away. That seems to work much better with our 3 & 5.

Anonymous wrote:Hitting/biting?

Yelling?

Refusing to share?

Getting out of bed at bedtime?

Not brushing teeth/completing other task/chore?


We do take away TV time as the major consequence for our kids (3 & 4). The other thread about taking away electronics says this isn't a logical consequence to the behavior but we've struggled to think of what those would be for this age group. What do others do?

Is it possible that you have some underlying behavior issues going on here?

For the 3 year old, I would focus on teaching and modeling. Have them replay the situation and practice acceptable behavior. Be calm, do not yell — just say, we don’t yell. You can say it like this, could you please try? It’s ok to punch a pillow/draw an angry drawing but not to hit. Focus on redirection and teaching acceptable ways to express their feelings and needs.

The 4 year old should be getting challenging jobs/chores to learn practical life skills and channel that desire for power in a constructive way. Routines should be rock solid. Use incentives the child really wants to help extinguish behavior like getting out of bed. The only real consequence is they get led back to bed quietly with no interaction.

If this is driven by sibling conflict, it sounds like they could use more one on one time with parents, less electronics overall, and again, practice/replay situations. At this age your kids still (relatively) want to please you so you have a good window of influence.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hitting/biting? - if I see a kid is going through a hitting phase, I am on top of them and will catch their hand to prevent the hit. I catch, squeeze a little to get their attention and say "People are not for hitting." If they are in a biting phase, I try to lower their frustration so they won't bite. And I remove them from the room when they do.

Yelling? Reverse psychology if needed, but yelling isn't that big a deal unless in a restaurant or something. I guess I'd take them out and say "It's not acceptable to yell inside. We'll stand here until you're ready to speak at a lower volume."

Refusing to share? Eh. I don't believe everyone has to share everything.

Getting out of bed at bedtime? Basically, the super nanny way. I don't like a lot of her tactics, but this one I'm okay with as long as their true needs are met.

Not brushing teeth/completing other task/chore? I follow them around and make them do it. No doing anything fun until it's done.

Pretty close to what we do. Not punishing does not mean not having or enforcing boundaries. For tooth brushing or getting out of bed we’d try to figure out the “why” underneath and address that. If it’s boring, then make tooth brushing fun, let the kid do it first, have a race, whatever. I know people think these things “take too much time” but they generally solve the problem more quickly (that is, take collectively less time) in the long run vs putting a kid in time out or whatever. OP, if it feels like maybe punishments and rewards are just POSSIBLY not the only way to raise a decent human being, check out Janet Lansbury for younger kids and Allie Kohn for older.

+1. Also Dr. Laura Markaham at Aha Parenting. Her books are great but also a ton of free quick articles on her website.

Anonymous wrote:Hitting/biting? - if I see a kid is going through a hitting phase, I am on top of them and will catch their hand to prevent the hit. I catch, squeeze a little to get their attention and say "People are not for hitting." If they are in a biting phase, I try to lower their frustration so they won't bite. And I remove them from the room when they do.

Yelling? Reverse psychology if needed, but yelling isn't that big a deal unless in a restaurant or something. I guess I'd take them out and say "It's not acceptable to yell inside. We'll stand here until you're ready to speak at a lower volume."

Refusing to share? Eh. I don't believe everyone has to share everything.

Getting out of bed at bedtime? Basically, the super nanny way. I don't like a lot of her tactics, but this one I'm okay with as long as their true needs are met.

Not brushing teeth/completing other task/chore? I follow them around and make them do it. No doing anything fun until it's done.

Pretty close to what we do. Not punishing does not mean not having or enforcing boundaries. For tooth brushing or getting out of bed we’d try to figure out the “why” underneath and address that. If it’s boring, then make tooth brushing fun, let the kid do it first, have a race, whatever. I know people think these things “take too much time” but they generally solve the problem more quickly (that is, take collectively less time) in the long run vs putting a kid in time out or whatever. OP, if it feels like maybe punishments and rewards are just POSSIBLY not the only way to raise a decent human being, check out Janet Lansbury for younger kids and Allie Kohn for older.

Our consequence for not brushing teeth is no treats the next day. Get out of bed, then earlier bedtime the next night. (I recommend this anyway when there are systemic issues. 3/4 year olds should be lights out at 7.)