Anonymous
07/18/2019 13:19
Subject: “I pushed him back” - talking about self defense
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Pushing back is not self defense; it is an after the fact independent act of aggression.
Giving a stiff arm to someone coming at you is self-defense.
Oh brother. I really hope you don't have boys.
I told my son that he is NEVER allowed to hit first, but he is ABSOLUTELY allowed to defend himself. That means if someone pushes him, he is allowed to push them back.
Telling the adults in his school is a complete waste of time. The aggressive kids know it too and keep intimidating kids like my son.
Oh brother. I really hope you don't have kids.
There's no reason to condone or encourage pushing at 4, for self-defense or otherwise.
When my kids were young I heard a safety expert on TV say that most kids didn't fight abductors because they'd been taught to be nice and avoid violence. To my horror, when I asked DCs if it was okay to yell at or fight against a grown-up trying to take them away from their parent/caregiver, they were both shocked at the very idea. I had to explicitly tell them that if an adult was trying to physically take them away from their "grown-up in charge", that was a bad person and they should yell out (things like "call the police" and "you're not my Mommy/Daddy") and fight to get away any way they could, including hitting, kicking, biting, etc. - whatever it took to get away and get help, or at the very least to get attention.
I was almost sexually assaulted by a man in my tweens. It was good that I pushed back because he ended up backing off and leaving. I do think it is better to learn to defend yourself.
Anonymous
07/18/2019 13:10
Subject: “I pushed him back” - talking about self defense
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Pushing back is not self defense; it is an after the fact independent act of aggression.
Giving a stiff arm to someone coming at you is self-defense.
Oh brother. I really hope you don't have boys.
I told my son that he is NEVER allowed to hit first, but he is ABSOLUTELY allowed to defend himself. That means if someone pushes him, he is allowed to push them back.
Telling the adults in his school is a complete waste of time. The aggressive kids know it too and keep intimidating kids like my son.
Oh brother. I really hope you don't have kids.
There's no reason to condone or encourage pushing at 4, for self-defense or otherwise.
When my kids were young I heard a safety expert on TV say that most kids didn't fight abductors because they'd been taught to be nice and avoid violence. To my horror, when I asked DCs if it was okay to yell at or fight against a grown-up trying to take them away from their parent/caregiver, they were both shocked at the very idea. I had to explicitly tell them that if an adult was trying to physically take them away from their "grown-up in charge", that was a bad person and they should yell out (things like "call the police" and "you're not my Mommy/Daddy") and fight to get away any way they could, including hitting, kicking, biting, etc. - whatever it took to get away and get help, or at the very least to get attention.
Anonymous
07/18/2019 12:24
Subject: “I pushed him back” - talking about self defense
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Not sure what I should have said to DD - age 4.
“Larlo pushed me and pushed my friends...”
“What did you do?”
“I pushed him back - hard!”
On one hand I am like “you go girl!” On the other hand, I’m sure there is a more appropriate pre-school response. I mean “go tell a grownup” in reality isn’t the most effective response. Then you never learn to stand up. I did talk about “this is my body and I said no.”
How do you talk about self defense vs aggressive behavior?
We had always taught DS the "go talk to an adult' "tell them no and remove yourself from the situation". Which served him just fine until 2 incidents.
1. He was 6 and on the bus another 6 year old punched him in the eye and gave him a black eye. He was worried about moving away because the bus was in motion and it was against the rules to move. Kid then punched him again in the stomach before the bus stopped and DS could tell the bus driver. DH and many of my mom friends said we should tell DS to punch back if it happened again. Thankfully the kid was removed
2. Another time DS was 6 and 2 kids were messing with him at a sports practice. He did everything we told him to do (told the coach, removed himself from the situation several times). It continued quietly and DS even got spoken to by the coach about staying in his spot and not moving around. DS finally just pushed the kid away. I spoke to the coach about the situation and then bought DS an ice cream as a reward.
The heck? What was that coach thinking?
Also, as for the first situation, I think your kid should have yelled to the driver/supervising adult (sorry, not in the US or from the US so I'm not sure if there's a supervising adult other than the driver on buses transporting kids) "Sir/Madam! Whatshisname is punching me!".
You rock re. the icecream, btw. And I'm not being sarcastic.
Anonymous
07/18/2019 12:16
Subject: “I pushed him back” - talking about self defense
Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't correct this. MAYYYYYBE I'd say "Don't forget to say "Hey, stop pushing me!" while you're pushing him back."
I'd have her roleplay the scene and say "Stop pushing me! I'll tell [supervising adult's name/role if you keep pushing me!" the first time. If she can't get to the supervising adult without pushing back after saying that, then she gets to push back.
Anonymous
07/16/2019 11:32
Subject: “I pushed him back” - talking about self defense
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Pushing back is not self defense; it is an after the fact independent act of aggression.
Giving a stiff arm to someone coming at you is self-defense.
Oh brother. I really hope you don't have boys.
I told my son that he is NEVER allowed to hit first, but he is ABSOLUTELY allowed to defend himself. That means if someone pushes him, he is allowed to push them back.
Telling the adults in his school is a complete waste of time. The aggressive kids know it too and keep intimidating kids like my son.
Oh brother. I really hope you don't have kids.
There's no reason to condone or encourage pushing at 4, for self-defense or otherwise.
I am not encouraging pushing, but I'm also not encouraging my son to get his ass whooped. Get real.
Dad here, I agree - Have your kid defend themselves, and if they get in trouble by the school, take them out for Ice Cream. Don't ever have your kid be the first one to be aggressive though.
+1 As someone who was bullied as a (female) child, I can attest to the fact that defending yourself is the best way to get the bullies to move on.
Anonymous
07/16/2019 11:28
Subject: Re:“I pushed him back” - talking about self defense
I agree with 3 strikes. First - very firm "stop, that's not nice!" Second - tell a grown up. Third - Push away. My son at age 3 was being harassed by another boy for a long time (hitting). I spoke to him about how to handle it, and I spoke to the preschool teachers to keep an extra eye on the two of them. My son just needed the "ok" from me to push back if nothing else worked, and he finally did. After he got hit, he pushed him, and the boy fell backwards and cried. But after that the other boy finally stopped harassing him.
Anonymous
07/16/2019 10:54
Subject: “I pushed him back” - talking about self defense
Anonymous wrote:Pushing back is not self defense; it is an after the fact independent act of aggression.
Giving a stiff arm to someone coming at you is self-defense.
Yes it is, as a kid you don't know that person is done being aggressive in the first place. I don't think you should assume or ask your kid to assume that either. Case in point the PP whose kid was hit in the face and then in the stomach!
I agree you should say something as it's happening, loudly if needed, which will also get the attention of an adult. Hopefully the push back diffuses the situation instead of escalating it, which is when you definitely need to get an adult involved.
Anonymous
07/16/2019 09:11
Subject: “I pushed him back” - talking about self defense
Anonymous wrote:The old saying still stands "You don't start it but if someone else does then you can and should finish it" I was pantsed by a boy in middle school in gym class and I punched him in the face. We both got in school detention but my father said that I should do the same thing next time and I was not punished at home which would have been the case if I were in the wrong. Took my detention and he never bothered me again. You are allowed to stand up for yourself.
Good for you. I would never punish my son for defending himself either. I'll give you (and others) and example of aggression that my son has been experiencing on and off at school which prompted me to tell him he is allowed to defend himself.
There is a kid in his class who has clear behavioral problems. He is a little sh**t to teachers and kids alike. Being disrespectful, talking back, interrupting teachers. He finds a different way to annoy kids, especially my son who is meek and easily intimidated. Every time he passes by my son he slaps him on the neck. My son has told him repeatedly to stop, told the teachers who warn the kid but really nothing happens. Then this kid threatens to stab someone. My kid heard it, made an appt with the school counselor and told her what he heard. Again, the kid got a talking to but not much else. I told my son that if this kid touches him again that he is absolutely allowed to "push him back" and let him know that he is never to touch him again. This bully knows that my kid is most likely not going to do anything (physical at least). Makes me sick.
Anonymous
07/16/2019 09:03
Subject: Re:“I pushed him back” - talking about self defense
Anonymous wrote:I taught my kids the three strikes rule. First time, you strongly tell the person to stop. Second time, you tell the teacher, including that you have already asked them to stop. Third time - handle it, and I’ll handle the fall out.
I'm the Pp from above and this is exactly what I told my son too.
Anonymous
07/16/2019 08:57
Subject: “I pushed him back” - talking about self defense
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Pushing back is not self defense; it is an after the fact independent act of aggression.
Giving a stiff arm to someone coming at you is self-defense.
Oh brother. I really hope you don't have boys.
I told my son that he is NEVER allowed to hit first, but he is ABSOLUTELY allowed to defend himself. That means if someone pushes him, he is allowed to push them back.
Telling the adults in his school is a complete waste of time. The aggressive kids know it too and keep intimidating kids like my son.
Oh brother. I really hope you don't have kids.
There's no reason to condone or encourage pushing at 4, for self-defense or otherwise.
No reason? It's not that simple. Kids do need to learn how to stand up for themselves and show that they won't take BS because schools are not equipped to protect every child every second.
-Teacher
What kind of preschool are you running?
Anonymous
07/16/2019 08:56
Subject: “I pushed him back” - talking about self defense
The old saying still stands "You don't start it but if someone else does then you can and should finish it" I was pantsed by a boy in middle school in gym class and I punched him in the face. We both got in school detention but my father said that I should do the same thing next time and I was not punished at home which would have been the case if I were in the wrong. Took my detention and he never bothered me again. You are allowed to stand up for yourself.
Anonymous
07/15/2019 21:20
Subject: “I pushed him back” - talking about self defense
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Pushing back is not self defense; it is an after the fact independent act of aggression.
Giving a stiff arm to someone coming at you is self-defense.
Oh brother. I really hope you don't have boys.
I told my son that he is NEVER allowed to hit first, but he is ABSOLUTELY allowed to defend himself. That means if someone pushes him, he is allowed to push them back.
Telling the adults in his school is a complete waste of time. The aggressive kids know it too and keep intimidating kids like my son.
I’m the three strikes PP. I fully agree with this. I know a few kids who could use a good, old fashioned school yard arse whipping.