I find it funny how many people will use the term consequences to avoid the term punishments and then acknowledge that the point of a “consequence” is to purposefully inflict some degree of distress or discomfort.

Anonymous wrote:You find their currency. What do they value most? And that’s what you take away.

This. When I was a kid it was outdoor play. When I was a teen, it was after school friend time and phone (which was attached to a cord) time and sometimes even clothes. I'm not a big fan of the method myself. I'm more into logical consequences but my kids are still young.

Anonymous wrote:It’s what my son wants the most. Threatening to take away his toothbrush yielded no results.

I love this response

We did timeouts from about 18 mos to 4 ish. Now DD is 7 the threat of taking the Tablet is more dire to her then a timeout.

Anonymous wrote:Lots of people don’t do this. I don’t. (But my kids don’t watch that much anyway.)

What types of infractions are you punishing for?

NP here. It isn’t really a “punishment.” Its more a reward for getting stuff done. I tell my kids that they can’t use their electronics until they get their chores done for the day. In the summer it’s: go to swim team, clean room, do math and writing, practice instrument. After that, they can play video games or watch tv or whatever. If they want to take a break and play with friends outside or go ride their bikes, that’s fine with me. If they want to get it all done super fast and play video games for hours, that’s fine with me too. If they choose not to make their beds for three days in a row and don’t play video games for three days, that’s also fine.

Sometimes I tell them they can’t watch a movie until they have their pajamas on and teeth brushed. Sometimes my four year old chooses to spend an hour playing in his room and misses half the movie. And that’s fine.

For those of you who say your children are addicted, why allow electronics (or the addictive aspects) at all? Or is the addiction benign in your opinion?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What works better for you, OP?

Not OP but taking away certain toys or not getting a treat after dinner (a mini M&M) has worked for my kids. They also don’t have access to “electronics” so there’s that.

By the time kids are tweens or teens they don't have "toys" anymore--the electronics are their toys. We don't keep candy and sweets in the house usually, and getting it as an after dinner treat is definitely not a regular thing. I don't think it would be very effective if my kids did something wrong now (in July) and my response was to tell them they won't get pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving as a consequence.

I'm sorry "no pumpkin pie" made me lol. Next time my niece does something with me around I'm going to tell her that and see her response.

I hate kids and electronics. It infuriates me. I hate most adults and electronics.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of people don’t do this. I don’t. (But my kids don’t watch that much anyway.)

What types of infractions are you punishing for?

A loss of a beloved item is for a major infraction in our house... getting caught lying, major sibling disputes, bad grades, etc. Not for something like forgetting to unload the dishwasher or having a messy room.

Taking away what they enjoy most has been very effective in our house. For each kid, the loss of the item once (and twice for one kid) was enough to deter them from repeating the bad behavior. And we've found the key to be the length of time the item is taken away. Taking away their phone or electronics for 2 days isn't a punishment, IMO. It needs to be at least a week for them to really feel it.

Not OP ^^

Anonymous wrote:When my son was three, I cold take away his beloved John Deere tractor and that did the trick. Not so much anymore now that he is 14. Come back when you have teenagers and then you can answer your own question.

Is everyone who takes away electronics the parent of teenagers? No one does it before that age?

Anonymous wrote:Lots of people don’t do this. I don’t. (But my kids don’t watch that much anyway.)

What types of infractions are you punishing for?

A loss of a beloved item is for a major infraction in our house... getting caught lying, major sibling disputes, bad grades, etc. Not for something like forgetting to unload the dishwasher or having a messy room.

Taking away what they enjoy most has been very effective in our house. For each kid, the loss of the item once (and twice for one kid) was enough to deter them from repeating the bad behavior. And we've found the key to be the length of time the item is taken away. Taking away their phone or electronics for 2 days isn't a punishment, IMO. It needs to be at least a week for them to really feel it.

If your child has access to them and loves it above all else, obviously. Which is often the case!

It depends on which kid I'm punishing. For my older teens, restricting their phones is what yields results. In fact, I haven't had to punish either in a really long time.

For my middle schooler, taking away video games and iPad time is what works for him.

For my youngest, who doesn't care much about screens and doesn't have a phone, I take away books. Parents gasp when I say this, but a book to her is like a video game or iPad to their kids. She's a bookworm, homebody so an effective punishment for her is no books and having to go outside and play.

Lots of people don’t do this. I don’t. (But my kids don’t watch that much anyway.)

What types of infractions are you punishing for?

When my son was three, I cold take away his beloved John Deere tractor and that did the trick. Not so much anymore now that he is 14. Come back when you have teenagers and then you can answer your own question.

OP here. Yes, I’m a parent— kids in elementary.

So what I’m gleaning is:

-The idea is to take away the thing that is most valuable to the kid, and this is effective in stopping undesirable behavior.
-Electronics are the thing that is most valuable to the vast majority of children, or at least children whose parents post here.
-Also possibly electronics are a thing that parents feel ambivalent about (mentions of addiction) and so are easier for parents to feel good about taking away.

Do I get it?

You find their currency. What do they value most? And that’s what you take away.