Anonymous
Post 07/16/2019 13:20     Subject: I lost it today
I'm surprised at all the anti-spankers on DCUM.

I got spanked as a child and so did most of my friends.

I've had to spank my daughter all of 2 times in 4 years. She hasn't misbehaved or thrown a tantrum in over a year. Spanking worked for us.
Anonymous
Post 07/16/2019 12:59     Subject: Re:I lost it today
I have a 3.5 year old DD. The tantrums are INTENSE. Way, way worse than 2. I also have a 1 year old DD who just pretty much goes with the flow so far but can also be a handful. It can be a brutal dynamic, especially if I am solo. Can you get a sitter from daycare that your older DD is already familiar with? That seems to make a big difference for us.
Anonymous
Post 07/16/2019 09:49     Subject: I lost it today
Anonymous wrote:OP, you did the best you could do under the circumstances. As I tell myself, tomorrow, do better.

With your husband away, it’s stress on all of you. She feels it too.

As silly as it sounds, I’d probably find the Daniel Tiger episode when he gets so mad that he almost hits Miss Elaina. Teacher Harriet stops him. Stop, stop, stop.. it’s okay to feel angry. It’s not, not, not okay to hurt someone.

I’m not a hitter, but I know it’s in me to say nasty things. That episode really rings with me.

Apologize to your daughter if you feel she’s still upset. Forgive yourself, and move on. Work on the stressors that are causing tension. Leave if you can, during a tantrum (although I know in the case of my DD, she will actually follow me, which really stresses me out).


This is great advice. OP, I got spanked routinely as a kid, and I love my parents, we talk several times/week, and I'm a well-adjusted person. No lasting damage as people would have you believe. Now, I don't do it with my kids, but I have swatted their behind a couple times. Frankly, it works. But, I felt the same feelings you are now afterwards and decided it's just not for me.

Forgive yourself for this episode and move on. Work on emotionally detaching yourself when your older is having a tantrum and finding a way to keep yourself zen. Three is a really tough age, and you just have to manage through it.
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2019 09:59     Subject: Re:I lost it today
I've been in that situation too, and it feels horrible. Just remember, you can put your kid in time out. You can put yourself in time out. You can apologize and explain that what you did is wrong and you are sorry and model how you behave when you regret what you've done.
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2019 09:54     Subject: I lost it today
OP - I did this once to my toddler years ago for similar reasons, and it was the very last time because it felt so awful. I suspect that's what happened to you. My husband worked a late shift so it was often me alone at bedtime and it was hard. I took PEP classes (Parent Encouragement Program) which really helped. But the piece of those classes that surprisingly worked best was to give your older child dedicated "floor time" - promise her an hour, maybe while the baby is napping or just hanging out - where she leads the activity and gets your full attention. Put away the cellphone and don't try to multitask. Remember that what they really want is your approval, attention, and love.
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2019 09:36     Subject: I lost it today
Earlier bedtime (7 pm or earlier) and leaving plenty of transition time from A to B. Ie: no rushing off to daycare, or hurrying into bed at night. Leave plenty of time. Rushing stresses kids out.
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2019 06:25     Subject: I lost it today
OP, you did the best you could do under the circumstances. As I tell myself, tomorrow, do better.

With your husband away, it’s stress on all of you. She feels it too.

As silly as it sounds, I’d probably find the Daniel Tiger episode when he gets so mad that he almost hits Miss Elaina. Teacher Harriet stops him. Stop, stop, stop.. it’s okay to feel angry. It’s not, not, not okay to hurt someone.

I’m not a hitter, but I know it’s in me to say nasty things. That episode really rings with me.

Apologize to your daughter if you feel she’s still upset. Forgive yourself, and move on. Work on the stressors that are causing tension. Leave if you can, during a tantrum (although I know in the case of my DD, she will actually follow me, which really stresses me out).
Anonymous
Post 07/14/2019 23:47     Subject: I lost it today
How tired was she? Forget about the smack, not a big deal. What do you think caused her to go so nuts today?
Anonymous
Post 07/14/2019 22:55     Subject: I lost it today
Ugh, hate days like this OP. I’ve been there too. I have a three year old and a 22 month old with a husband that travels a lot and things escalate fast around the witching hours. No advise other than tomorrow is a new day. Hugs.
Anonymous
Post 07/14/2019 22:44     Subject: I lost it today
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:A good swat is sometimes the only thing that works. Stop feeling guilty. She shut up, didn't she, so it worked.


This is horrible logic and dangerous advice.


I got spanked as a kid and I turned out fine. It's why there are so many little brats running around now. No damn discipline.


Sure, you turned out fine, advocating for hitting three year olds. Sure.
Anonymous
Post 07/14/2019 22:13     Subject: I lost it today
I’ve done it. Never even considered spanking with my oldest and then my youngest kept unbuckling her car seat on purpose and I after exhausting all others options I smacked her leg and she never did it again.
Anonymous
Post 07/14/2019 21:46     Subject: I lost it today
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:A good swat is sometimes the only thing that works. Stop feeling guilty. She shut up, didn't she, so it worked.


This is horrible logic and dangerous advice.


I got spanked as a kid and I turned out fine. It's why there are so many little brats running around now. No damn discipline.
Anonymous
Post 07/14/2019 20:45     Subject: I lost it today
This is OP. Thank you. I am happy to do more reading on how to deal with a child who is “a little extra”. Any recommendations? I know I didn’t do well today, it’s not a typical day though. I love my kids and want to do the best I can for them.
Anonymous
Post 07/14/2019 20:04     Subject: I lost it today
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My husband is traveling and I have a toddler and an almost toddler. They both go to day care but mornings and evenings are brutal. This weekend has been awful- my three year old has had several tantrums a day, and just been a freaking nightmare. The almost toddler is an easy kid so no complaints there.

Today, I got a sitter for a few hours and the three year old flipped out- yelling, screaming and crying. Later during bath time, there was another massive- and I mean massive- tantrum. I tried soothing and ignoring but she just worked herself into raging hysterics. After half an hour, I gave her a tight slap and she stopped screaming and started sobbing quietly and settled.

I’m so ashamed that I slapped my kid. I’m also wondering if my kid needs help- no speech delays, otherwise articulate and good learner.



You child doesn’t need help, OP, you do (that sounds glib and I apologize but it is true). You could have left the room when she started her tantrum and ignored her. You need to learn how to ride out tantrums and stop taking them personally. You need help getting your expectations in line with her age.

You were wrong to strike a little kid for basically being a little kid. You need some parenting guidance.


Actually, a 30-minute long tantrum is not necessarily within the realm of standard kid behavior. Not that it indicates delay - just a kid who's a little extra. While I don't believe in hitting, I also don't believe in denying the extreme stress that a tantrum like that can cause (especially with another baby in the house and husband away.) If the child is consistently tantruming like that, I'd absolutely get some support from a reputable therapist.


This.

And the OP doesn't need parenting guidance in the way some think. She knows it wasn't ideal to slap her three year old. She needs support, not shaming. OP, if the long tantrum was a one-off, work on finding ways to keep your cool and to prevent tantrums in the future. If longer tantrums are a regular thing, I'd talk to your pediatrician.

Hang in there. A single slap isn't ideal, but it also doesn't make you a lousy parent. You're human. We all have moments we aren't where we want to be.
Anonymous
Post 07/14/2019 19:58     Subject: I lost it today
It’s ok, OP. I think most people in the real world have been there. I admit I’ve swatted by kids a few times. Forgive yourself and do better tomorrow.