Anonymous
Post 07/11/2019 08:24     Subject: I understand why people cheat
Amazing how the DCUM harpies know nothing about the wife, but they are quick to cast the OP as wrong. You rock OP. Don’t let her get away with her sh*t or you’ll have to live that way for the rest of your life.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2019 08:20     Subject: I understand why people cheat
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think probably 90% of people get why people cheat. It’s tempting. Marriage is long and can be boring and tedious. It’s living day in and day out with someone and their most annoying qualities and habits and least attractive moments. People want to cheat because another person is new and exciting and it feels nice to be “discovered” again by someone who knows nothing about you. I absolutely 100% get why people cheat and why it’s tempting.

The thing is, you have to have the wisdom to know what a shallow and fleeting satisfaction it will bring. It’s so much energy expended on something that isn’t real. It brings trouble and problems. And eventually, ANYONE you get to know too well or are too familiar with can get “old” and then you’re no better off.

Cheating is easy and it’s tempting but most of us need to believe there’s things worth having fidelity to, that we can be better than our worst, most base impulses.


I don't disagree with what you wrote, but I think OP's scenario is significantly different from the typical story about someone who developed a crush on a coworker without really meaning to after 10 years of marriage and raising kids.

OP has a baby under 1 years old, and specifically went out to a bar to flirt up to the line, even considering leaving his wedding ring at home, in reaction to a fight with his wife. *seeking out* other women as a reaction to marital stress is not an understandable or normal thing. it's pretty pathological.


Yeah that’s true.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2019 08:18     Subject: I understand why people cheat
Anonymous wrote:I think probably 90% of people get why people cheat. It’s tempting. Marriage is long and can be boring and tedious. It’s living day in and day out with someone and their most annoying qualities and habits and least attractive moments. People want to cheat because another person is new and exciting and it feels nice to be “discovered” again by someone who knows nothing about you. I absolutely 100% get why people cheat and why it’s tempting.

The thing is, you have to have the wisdom to know what a shallow and fleeting satisfaction it will bring. It’s so much energy expended on something that isn’t real. It brings trouble and problems. And eventually, ANYONE you get to know too well or are too familiar with can get “old” and then you’re no better off.

Cheating is easy and it’s tempting but most of us need to believe there’s things worth having fidelity to, that we can be better than our worst, most base impulses.


I don't disagree with what you wrote, but I think OP's scenario is significantly different from the typical story about someone who developed a crush on a coworker without really meaning to after 10 years of marriage and raising kids.

OP has a baby under 1 years old, and specifically went out to a bar to flirt up to the line, even considering leaving his wedding ring at home, in reaction to a fight with his wife. *seeking out* other women as a reaction to marital stress is not an understandable or normal thing. it's pretty pathological.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2019 08:15     Subject: I understand why people cheat
I think probably 90% of people get why people cheat. It’s tempting. Marriage is long and can be boring and tedious. It’s living day in and day out with someone and their most annoying qualities and habits and least attractive moments. People want to cheat because another person is new and exciting and it feels nice to be “discovered” again by someone who knows nothing about you. I absolutely 100% get why people cheat and why it’s tempting.

The thing is, you have to have the wisdom to know what a shallow and fleeting satisfaction it will bring. It’s so much energy expended on something that isn’t real. It brings trouble and problems. And eventually, ANYONE you get to know too well or are too familiar with can get “old” and then you’re no better off.

Cheating is easy and it’s tempting but most of us need to believe there’s things worth having fidelity to, that we can be better than our worst, most base impulses.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2019 08:06     Subject: Re:I understand why people cheat
How old are you that you go to a bar when you are fighting with your wife?

or go to a bar alone?

Dude, look in the mirror. You are off in some way, you need to GTFU and fast.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2019 08:03     Subject: I understand why people cheat
Baby years were easy compared to the shit that is to come. You are tired and exhausted, but it just gets more emotionally draining as it goes on.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2019 08:03     Subject: I understand why people cheat
Anonymous wrote:Yeah, we have a marriage counselor and will see him in about a week

I don't want to break up our family

I intentionally wore my wedding ring out to try to avoid letting things progress too far and tempting myself too much


You’re not fooling anyone, this is contradictory to your OP, you’re just afraid your wife will find your post. Grow a pair and learn how to cope the proper way.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2019 07:31     Subject: I understand why people cheat
What did you fight about that was so bad that you needed to leave the house?
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2019 06:59     Subject: I understand why people cheat
Anonymous wrote:I'm not one to cheat, or encourage cheating, but I also think everyone deserves to be with someone who makes them feel appreciated, if only for a short while. Do with that what you will.


I wholeheartedly agree.

I divorced a few years ago. My husband was totally unaffectionate, never interested in anything I did, unmotivated at work. He’d want sex but would pull away from a kiss or trying to hold hands. Luckily we didn’t have kids. When I started sincerely thinking about cheating—not even talking to any person in particular, just frequently thinking about how someone else would treat me—I left. Best decision I ever made.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2019 06:51     Subject: I understand why people cheat
Anonymous wrote:Yeah, we have a marriage counselor and will see him in about a week

I don't want to break up our family

I intentionally wore my wedding ring out to try to avoid letting things progress too far and tempting myself too much


You say you don’t want to break up the family but you certainly don’t act like it.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2019 06:27     Subject: I understand why people cheat
Anonymous wrote:You’re a loser. Your wife and child deserve better.


+1. anyone who calls their wife cold bitch under any circumstances is a loser. I feel sorry for your wife. Man up and either solve your problems or divorce and coparent.

No kid needs a skeezy dad who is out at bars drinking and cheating on Mom. Don’t be that guy.
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2019 22:45     Subject: I understand why people cheat
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Huh, how come you got to go out to a bar and hit on women after your fight, whereas your wife had to stay home with your baby?


Baby needs to eat, and wife isn't likely to bring baby with her to a bar.


thanks for proving my point?

OP could have stayed home and given the baby a bottle, while his wife went out drinking.
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2019 22:39     Subject: I understand why people cheat
Anonymous wrote:Huh, how come you got to go out to a bar and hit on women after your fight, whereas your wife had to stay home with your baby?


Baby needs to eat, and wife isn't likely to bring baby with her to a bar.
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2019 22:35     Subject: I understand why people cheat
You’re a loser. Your wife and child deserve better.
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2019 22:19     Subject: I understand why people cheat
Anonymous wrote:The first years with a newborn / baby is really rough on a marriage. I mean really rough. Things will get better with you two in about 4 years, then most forget and have another kid. Repeat cycle. Hang in there.


I am a woman. I disagree. Sometimes it does not get better. This is a bad scenario. Easier to divorce now than waste 2, 4, 5, 10 more years. I would have divorced with an infant if I did not have geography issues. It would have been better than wasting years and years. And I would never want a man to be with me “just for the kid(s).”