Anonymous wrote:Not my family's spread, but one of my friends had a brother about 4 years older and they were SUPER close all through childhood, and seem to have stayed friends as adults. I think it relies on the older one being a big fan of having someone to look/after protect, which is really personality dependent.

This. I have three, all ~4.5 years apart (not planned that way, just how it worked out.) My oldest really resents her younger sister and they have a lot of conflict, but they both adore and get along with their little brother. My middle daughter has always had a bit of a mother hen personality and loves having someone to look after. We continue to work on the relationship between the older two, but it is hard. So, in my family I have both scenarios of how a large spread can work out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 4.5 years apart from my brother and we have never had a relationship, even as kids. The age spread was always too big.

On top of that my parent's financial situation changed and they moved during our childhoods, so we don't even really share the same memories. I view myself as from New England. He came of age in Arizona. I remember barely getting by. He recalls always having lots of disposable income. It's like we grew up in different families with different parents.

You sound like you’re from an immigrant family like me!

Not immigrants, just hit hard by recessions. It didn't help that parents were super tough and rigid for the eldest, but very relaxed for the younger. You could hear us both describe our childhoods and you'd never ever match us up as siblings.

I also have younger siblings, 7 and 12 years younger. I am not close with the 7-year spread sister, but am close to the 12-year spread though it is more of a mother-daughter than sibling relationship. I essentially raised the youngest when I was in middle and high school. That's a totally different relationship.

I wonder how much gender has to do with it? Do opposite gender siblings with a big gap tend to be less close than same gender siblings with a big gap?

I’m the baby of my family, all girls. My sister who is 3 1/2 years older than me didn’t become my friend until well into adulthood, but the sister who is 7 years older was always very close to me.

Anonymous wrote:Not my family's spread, but one of my friends had a brother about 4 years older and they were SUPER close all through childhood, and seem to have stayed friends as adults. I think it relies on the older one being a big fan of having someone to look/after protect, which is really personality dependent.

I think this is very true. My husband and his younger brother (5.25 years apart) have always gotten along really well, and he was thrilled to become an older brother. But my husband is very, very nurturing.

My sister is 8 years younger. We fought a bit when we were younger but were always close. As adults we're best friends now. It really depends on the personality of your kids. Some will get along some won't. My brother is only 2 years younger and we get along but we're definitely not best friends.

Anonymous wrote:I am 4.5 years apart from my younger sister. She was my best friend from the day she was born and still is now (at 40/36 yrs).

thats really sweet. I'm not OP, but im looking at this same age gap and these posts make me happy

My brother is 4 years younger and we are best friends even though we don’t like the same hobbies or anything like that. We also rarely fought growing up while my twin daughters fight constantly!

Anonymous wrote:I am 4.5 years apart from my brother and we have never had a relationship, even as kids. The age spread was always too big.

On top of that my parent's financial situation changed and they moved during our childhoods, so we don't even really share the same memories. I view myself as from New England. He came of age in Arizona. I remember barely getting by. He recalls always having lots of disposable income. It's like we grew up in different families with different parents.

You sound like you’re from an immigrant family like me!

OP here. Thanks to all for these reassuring comments! I think I need to stop stressing (easier said than done)
Much appreciated.

I mean, does it matter? You are where you are, and a sibling is a huge gift to your DC1 and to your family. Don't overthink it!

Anonymous wrote:My best friend growing up has a sister who is 6 years older than she is. They have always been really close. I think the key is to NOT expect the older one to become a mini-mom to the younger one. Let them be siblings.

But I also think a lot of this is very personality dependent. Her older sister really loved her and always looked out for her and just really cultivated a close relationship with her. That's very personality driven though.

thanks for this and i totally agree. I feel like people are always saying "oh well you're older one can help out with the baby" and all we really want is for her to enjoy being a kid as long as she can.

I am 4.5 years apart from my younger sister. She was my best friend from the day she was born and still is now (at 40/36 yrs).

My kids are 4.5 years apart and play together all the time except for sometimes the younger once can be a little much so I intervene so the older one gets uninterrupted big kid time with her friends. We make sure sometimes the older one has to tag along to the younger's activities, sometimes the younger has to tag along to the older one's, and and sometimes they can do separate activities at the same time.

My sister is 5 years younger than me, and is my best friend. We were very close as kids, starting especially when we were 7/12.

My youngest and my second oldest are 4.5 years apart, and they get along well, too. One girl, one boy.

I'm sure you know this, but there are pros and cons to every age spacing. Nothing is perfect.

Anonymous wrote:Well, my boys are 2 and 6, and are mostly fine so far. Sure there is some sibling rivalry and squabbling over toys, but 6 yo is very sweet to his brother most of the time. He plays with him sometimes and does his own thing sometimes. I guess time will tell, but I do believe that older siblings personality sets the tone. Is your 1st child difficult?

Our first is pretty easy going! Hopefully this will help.