Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It all depends on what the "hard time" is all about. The kid may well be reacting to the hard time, you know?

This was my immediate thought. A 9-year-old girl knows enough, and might feel that she is the object of a favor, which means she is a burden to her mother and so to you. I was this kid for a while when my family suffered a trauma. Even when it was my best friend's parent, whose house I spent most of my childhood plying at, my feeling changed when I knew they were accommodating my family due to the tragedy. I felt very, very different about being there due to my family's need, than I did as an invited friend who could have declined the invitation or reciprocated it.

Show her she isn't a burden and that you want her there. Try to break through her defenses and see if you can make her feel welcome. Awkward as it may seem, perhaps if there is something she can do for you (that she would want to do), a way that you need her too, it might help. Or if you move out of the house/sitting situation every now and then, like going to a movie where it feels more normal and even. I would also say, don't coddle or patronize or excuse bad behavior, but empathize.

Anonymous wrote:What about making a schedule of sorts?

Tuesday -- pool for two hours, snack, hour of reading/quiet time, game
Friday -- lunch out, craft, water games in the backyard, reading/quiet time

Post the schedule in the kitchen and remind her of what's on the agenda the next time she visits.

I suspect she's feeling the stress from whatever is going on at home and probably wonders why she's being dropped at somebody else's house for big chunks of the week. It doesn't sound like the girls were close friends to start with, so that adds to the weirdness.

Do what you can to provide some stability and fun this summer. If her mom really is in a bad place, your house might be the only time she gets to have a good time. Hang in there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. It’s getting worse. Ugh! I hate to add to the mom’s trouble by having to make her find alternate arrangements. She sent no food and now no amount of snacks I’m offering is sufficient. She took our house phone to the bathroom and made a call when I told her not to touch that phone. She’s 9! The girls are currently fighting and I don’t know what I got myself into!

Is this the kind of thing that could get better? Or am I kidding myself?

OP, gently, but... have you read any of the responses?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It all depends on what the "hard time" is all about. The kid may well be reacting to the hard time, you know?

This was my immediate thought. A 9-year-old girl knows enough, and might feel that she is the object of a favor, which means she is a burden to her mother and so to you. I was this kid for a while when my family suffered a trauma. Even when it was my best friend's parent, whose house I spent most of my childhood plying at, my feeling changed when I knew they were accommodating my family due to the tragedy. I felt very, very different about being there due to my family's need, than I did as an invited friend who could have declined the invitation or reciprocated it.

Show her she isn't a burden and that you want her there. Try to break through her defenses and see if you can make her feel welcome. Awkward as it may seem, perhaps if there is something she can do for you (that she would want to do), a way that you need her too, it might help. Or if you move out of the house/sitting situation every now and then, like going to a movie where it feels more normal and even. I would also say, don't coddle or patronize or excuse bad behavior, but empathize.