Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you too henone who was overseas with a cheating husband?

Now that I read the post again it does sound like that woman whose husband works overseas and they are divorcing. She posts on here all the time and never takes any of the advice given. Hopefully it's someone else though.

Right. She's the same person that another PP asked about: "Western MD stripper." I don't actually remember that poster being a stripper, but I'm pretty sure this is the same OP whose husband worked for the Federal Gov't abroad and who left him, took the kids and relocated to Western MD where she couldn't afford childcare, didn't have a job and had no family. Was often looking for legal advice. Are you the same person, OP?

I'm actually pretty sure she asked about giving up custody to him a year ago too...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you too henone who was overseas with a cheating husband?

Now that I read the post again it does sound like that woman whose husband works overseas and they are divorcing. She posts on here all the time and never takes any of the advice given. Hopefully it's someone else though.

Right. She's the same person that another PP asked about: "Western MD stripper." I don't actually remember that poster being a stripper, but I'm pretty sure this is the same OP whose husband worked for the Federal Gov't abroad and who left him, took the kids and relocated to Western MD where she couldn't afford childcare, didn't have a job and had no family. Was often looking for legal advice. Are you the same person, OP?

OP, your situation with an abusive, cheating ex is quite different from a normal divorce. You should be seeking support from groups/organizations who support abused women. IMO, the trauma you suffered probably makes it hard to completely quit drinking, and yet you have been able to cut back significantly, yet not completely. Still you are making progress. Please consult with counselg but it is unlikely you would lose custody over the amount you drink.

You may not be the best mom, but you also are not the worst or dangerous, IMO. Is your exDH constantly on you that you are a bad mom? Is he paying any child support? That kind of “your a terrible person and a bad mom” language is a form of emotional abuse.

What is your primary problem in not being able to get stable employment? Maybe some of us can help with ideas. If it’s been 2 years, your infant should be a toddler and your toddler should be in prek 3 or 4. Have you tried getting access to income qualified preK in MoCo? That should help with daycare while you work. What is your living sotuation?

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you too henone who was overseas with a cheating husband?

Now that I read the post again it does sound like that woman whose husband works overseas and they are divorcing. She posts on here all the time and never takes any of the advice given. Hopefully it's someone else though.

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you too henone who was overseas with a cheating husband?

Don’t know who that is

OP, are you too henone who was overseas with a cheating husband?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH’s ex gave us primary physical custody of her kids when they were 4 and 6. It was the most loving thing she has ever done for them. They are young adults now. She has rebuilt her life. They have a great relationship with their mother now.

That is encouraging. Thanks. That said, I would like a more equitable custody arrangement in the future.

There is a trust component to it for sure. We never changed the formal custody order. But we also never kept the kids from her. Once she was stable, she knew she had access to the kids whenever she was able to take them.

You are not an awful mother. You've realized things weren't working for yourself or your kids, and you're making great strides at fixing them!

Can you make arrangements with your DH to have the kids this year? Since you've had them this past year, you could even explain it as a last opportunity before they start school and can only spend summers with him. Although, if he's moving closer he may be working to fix that problem anyway. Your kids need both of you, and should be able to depend on both of you. Having their father take on primary care for them while you get yourself set up to be the amazing mother you can be is a strong choice.

You're a good mom. You can do this.

Anonymous wrote:My DH’s ex gave us primary physical custody of her kids when they were 4 and 6. It was the most loving thing she has ever done for them. They are young adults now. She has rebuilt her life. They have a great relationship with their mother now.

That is encouraging. Thanks. That said, I would like a more equitable custody arrangement in the future.

My DH’s ex gave us primary physical custody of her kids when they were 4 and 6. It was the most loving thing she has ever done for them. They are young adults now. She has rebuilt her life. They have a great relationship with their mother now.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you really love your kids op. As a mom there is nothing harder than being away from your kids. It is very brave, not cowardly. If you could go into residential treatment for a month you might come out able to offer them your whole, healthy self. Your ex can step up while you get sober. You have probably stepped up for him before and no doubt will again. Your kids will be so thrilled to see you whole again. They deserve a happy, healthy mom too.

It’s very tough to lose custody. Most judges default to 50/50 unless abuse toward the children is proved. Get the help you need so you can be there for your kids in the long run.

I absolutely cannot afford an in-patient rehab. I’m going to AA. I’ve also sought counsel with our divorce, which he recently filed. Thank you for the encouragement.

Anonymous wrote:It's hard to tell if your post is hyperbole or the truth. If you can barely take care of yourself then yeah, there's a serious problem here and you need to put your kids first and put them in a safe, stable environment.

Are you saying that you relapsed last summer and you have been off the wagon for almost a year while the kids have been with you?

What is the ex like to the kids? What is the home environment like over there?

Yes, I was drinking from last summer until last week. I described my affliction in a previous post - society would consider me to be a functional alcoholic (whatever that really means). The bigger issue here is a lack of financial stability.

He’s a good dad, tougher than I am. Definitely financially stable. He also drinks a good deal (he was sober for a time). But I don’t worry that the kids are in jeopardy in his care.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should give the kids to your ex.

Why did you leave him?

He cheated and was abusive. I was suicidal.

We're you also drinking to excess?

I’m a “high bottom” drunk. I wasn’t drinking during the days, etc. Excessive for me would have been more than two drinks in an evening - this happened rarely because hangovers are really tough with little kids around. I am getting sober because I recognize that my relationship with alcohol is dysfunctional. During our marriage I had bouts of sobriety, also. Hope this answers your question.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should give the kids to your ex.

Why did you leave him?

He cheated and was abusive. I was suicidal.

We're you also drinking to excess?

It sounds like you really love your kids op. As a mom there is nothing harder than being away from your kids. It is very brave, not cowardly. If you could go into residential treatment for a month you might come out able to offer them your whole, healthy self. Your ex can step up while you get sober. You have probably stepped up for him before and no doubt will again. Your kids will be so thrilled to see you whole again. They deserve a happy, healthy mom too.

It’s very tough to lose custody. Most judges default to 50/50 unless abuse toward the children is proved. Get the help you need so you can be there for your kids in the long run.