Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I’m a woman and I’m the spouse that’s bad mouthed. My husband doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with people making such comments about me. He said I’m quiet so people look at that like I had an attitude or I come off like a bitch to them. He’s the complete opposite so that’s why people don’t understand why he’s with me. He even said it’s not something worth defending as it will ruin his relationship with others. I’m pissed off that he lets people say these things about me and he doesn’t defend me.

Idk, OP. Sounds like he’s decided you aren’t worth defending. What’s your next step?

It may be time for us to consider parting ways. The only problem is, we have a child. Is it worth breaking up a family over?

Anonymous wrote:Trashing her isn't going to get her opening up more and getting all chummy with them.

Are you in earshot when the trash talk happens?

Is your husband telling you later about what was said?

I was within earshot once, the other times it’s my husband telling me about it. Then it turns into an argument between us because it’s my fault they feel that way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He even said it’s not something worth defending as it will ruin his relationship with others.

And I assume you told him that his not standing up for you is ruining his relationship with you?

I did, he thinks I’m overreacting.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I’m a woman and I’m the spouse that’s bad mouthed. My husband doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with people making such comments about me. He said I’m quiet so people look at that like I had an attitude or I come off like a bitch to them. He’s the complete opposite so that’s why people don’t understand why he’s with me. He even said it’s not something worth defending as it will ruin his relationship with others. I’m pissed off that he lets people say these things about me and he doesn’t defend me.

Idk, OP. Sounds like he’s decided you aren’t worth defending. What’s your next step?

Your DH needs to stop relaying these comments to you.

Many comments are innocuous. My mom one said, "DH is so absent-minded! That would drive me crazy!" and truth is, it does sometimes. I would never try to poison there otherwise good relationship by going and telling him about it....what's the point?

Trashing her isn't going to get her opening up more and getting all chummy with them.

Are you in earshot when the trash talk happens?

Is your husband telling you later about what was said?

If a lot of people were telling me that my spouse was a jerk, I'd probably re-evaluate his behavior to see if there was any truth to it. (Assuming I didn't agree with them.) And I'd defend him, but maybe also express some understanding of the person. "Yeah, Jim can be a bit blunt. I'm sorry his comment about your shoes hurt your feelings. But you know he means well, and he's a good guy." And then I'd talk to my spouse about how they were coming across to others.

If it's just one person, I'd tell them to knock it off. If it's one person who does it a lot, I'd probably stop being friends with that person.

In OP's case, her husband should be defending her. He can explain to his friends that his wife is quiet, but it's not because she doesn't like them, and he'd really appreciate it if they gave her a chance, because she's really great. If the husband straight-up says that it's not worth defending her--honestly, I'd be filing for divorce. He doesn't have to be a jerk to people to tell them that his wife is quiet, not a bitch, and that he expects his friends to be nice to her, and that he'd rather they didn't complain about his wife to him anymore.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Saying things like he/she is an asshole, you two aren’t right for each other, you can do better, etc. Would you defend your spouse or would you allow them to continue to bash them?

If you aren't standing up for your spouse then you are a horrible partner. Part of being in a relationship is having each others back.

It's a very weak person who can't tell others to stop, essentially the people who are saying horrible things about your spouse and marriage aren't respecting you as a person either. That's what the funny part is with this, the person things they just can't speak up for their spouse but essentially they can't speak up for themselves.

If something has happened and that's the reason for these comments then people should be mature enough to say they don't like that certain behaviour and are concerned about you.

+1

Anonymous wrote:Saying things like he/she is an asshole, you two aren’t right for each other, you can do better, etc. Would you defend your spouse or would you allow them to continue to bash them?

If you aren't standing up for your spouse then you are a horrible partner. Part of being in a relationship is having each others back.

It's a very weak person who can't tell others to stop, essentially the people who are saying horrible things about your spouse and marriage aren't respecting you as a person either. That's what the funny part is with this, the person things they just can't speak up for their spouse but essentially they can't speak up for themselves.

If something has happened and that's the reason for these comments then people should be mature enough to say they don't like that certain behaviour and are concerned about you.

What would make them think you’re an asshole? I can’t imagine that’s from being quiet.

Are you an immigrant?

They would not have the opportunity to insult my spouse more than twice. I'd speak up the first time, and withdraw from them should a second time occur.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I’m a woman and I’m the spouse that’s bad mouthed. My husband doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with people making such comments about me. He said I’m quiet so people look at that like I had an attitude or I come off like a bitch to them. He’s the complete opposite so that’s why people don’t understand why he’s with me. He even said it’s not something worth defending as it will ruin his relationship with others. I’m pissed off that he lets people say these things about me and he doesn’t defend me.

He needs to tell them robust shut up. Not everybody needs to be fake and bubbly 24/7 kissing butt to his peer coworkers.

Anonymous wrote:He even said it’s not something worth defending as it will ruin his relationship with others.

And I assume you told him that his not standing up for you is ruining his relationship with you?

Anonymous wrote:If a whole bunch of people tell me my spouse is an asshole I'd have to question my choice. But if it was only one person I'd ask why and likely tell them to f---off.

+1.