Grandma's JOB is to think their grandchild is marvelous.

My mother thinks my sons are the most amazing person ever. I'm sure that if it was officially measured, they'd turn out to be quite average, but that's not the point. She hangs up pictures of them everywhere, even though objectively they're not any more handsome than the models in the pictures that came with the frames. Praising grandchildren for things that are not particularly praiseworthy is what grandmas do.

Not "good" if the kid will flip out if you take the device away.

We have a no devices while visiting with family or friends. It gets tough bc the older kids always have devices (ages 5-10).

My sister's kids are super addicted, so much so that the younger one won't eat without watching something. We babysat them yesterday and they didn't use screens at all and were perfectly fine with it, even at mealtime. I won't say anything to my sis but it's clear to me that the younger one is being coddled unnecessarily.

It’s hard to believe that the iPad hasn’t been around for even a decade yet. I’m glad we didn’t have it when DD was that age. Yes, it consumed lots of time and energy getting books and toys together for an outing and then chasing them around when she flinged them!...but I think she got a lot out of those old-school books and toys. I honestly wonder how little ones these days learn to read when their eyes are always glued to electronics.

I get it, OP. I've encountered this sort of thing, and it's irritating at best. Less the screens and more the adult attitude. I think it's always one of two ways of thinking (and/or), both of which I take issue with.

1) A child who is low-maintenance, or behavior that is easy for an adult to manage, is deemed "good." (Worse, the opposite is implied "bad"-- if not outright stated.) This is sometimes just lazy or simple-minded shorthand, and isn't intended to be a moral judgment, but it's annoying to hear people say or ask-- for example if Larla is a "good baby." Meaning she sleeps a lot and doesn't cry. It's problematic, and though it's "meant well," it grates on me.

2) Some people are genuinely proud of a child who can occupy himself with electronics. They praise their "attention span" and think staying quiet with an iPad at, say, a restaurant, is praiseworthy behavior. I know it's possible for some kids not to be pacified with electronics, or to continue to whine and fidget with an iPad in hand, but it's not really a feat for most small kids to "behave" when plugged in. And while it's arguably not BAD behavior per se, it could even be concerning in some cases (ADHD kids are awesome at hyperfocusing on screens-- I have ADHD, I know).

This is a strange thread. The usual modus operandi of DCUM is to attack the OP. And this thread has the usual attacks. But also everyone agrees with OP. Unusual combination.

It isn't good. But you aren't going to change that and I'm sure he would throw a fit it you did try to move the device and interact with him.

We have this issue when we go visit family too. Their toddler is parked on couch with iPad entire time. Even for meals, parents go over to kid on couch and spoon feed while child watches device.

I feel like it’s such a grandma thing to say when a child is quiet for a long period of time, they don’t know any better.


I think dcum has done it’s job flaming you for your smugness.

I'd find it depressing to observe. I feel like it's "being good", but with an asterisk. My niece and nephews come over and turn into zombies with their devices. Sure, they're not rambunctious or whatever but my own kids are disappointed that their cousins aren't more interactive.

3yo is probably posting on DC Urban Toddlers asking if auntie silently typing on her device means she’s “being nice.”

DCUT’s overwhelming consensus is that as long as the device keeps auntie from harping on MIL for making even the most benign passing comments, let sleeping dogs lie.

Omg no

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a kid and we do Plenty of screen time. I like my nephew, like his parents, like MIL.
Sometimes I even give in and let my kid have my phone at a restaurant and he’s happy and quiet. But I would not call that being good.

To the grandma and your MIL it is being good. Is the reason you are posting is because you want to be told your nephew is NOT being good and that he is a monster and your MIL is delusional?

Repeat after me: It may not be "good" behavior for you but, it can be for other people. And that is ok too. Just leave the kid alone than and go feel smugly superior somewhere else. I guess here is as good as any but, I don't think you are superior because you are judging other people which isn't nice.

Y'all have some very cold relationships with your siblings.

I care. I think 3 hours on an ipad when visiting family is kind of sad. Ok in airplane or long car trip.

If we are in a different location, such as an in-law's house, we give the kids more screen time than usual, as there is less to entertain them. It isn't the end of the world.


We do the same. I’m not asking if that is the end of the world. I’m asking it you consider that being good.

I don't consider it being either good or bad. It's neutral. But if your MIL considers it being good, whatever, who cares.