Three kids together hardly seems better than daycare as far as immunity issues and ratios. I mean in DC the center ratio is 3 to 1 until 2 and 2 to 1 for infants in in homes.

But I agree your mil cannot safely watch them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you calculating the cost of childcare against only your salary?

It is a household expense.

You again?? You say this every time.
It is a cost that I should ONLY incurred if she goes back to work.

Next you will ask why her DH doesn’t stay at home, you are boring.

NP here. The previous poster is correct that the cost should be calculated against the hhi if it is a two parent household. There are many benefits to a job beyond salary (retirement, experience, future earnings, etc).

Can your DH do the drop offs and pickups? He may change his mind when he experiences the inconvenience and also witnesses the level of care his mom is going to be able to provide to his firstborn, with two other kids around.

As with other PPs, other cheaper options to look at are in home daycares and nanny shares near you. My three kids have had all sorts of childcare arrangements from SAHM to a FT nanny to a relative caring for them to an in home daycare. The in home daycare was the best for all of us.

If you’re working from home it will be much easier to keep the baby on breastmilk. For me, I didn’t respond well to pumping and had to end breastfeeding about 2 months after returning to work.
Also, if this is your first child, your husband probably doesn’t understand the work of taking care of an infant. This is a hill I would die on.

It’s totally reasonable to ask your SIL to find other care. Or even to enter into a nanny share with you and just let grandma be grandma. She has until October, which is more than enough time.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why he feels blindsided? Surely he understood childcare is expensive before you got pregnant?

Did you read the part where both DH and MIL want it to be OP's family's turn now??

Clearly the MIL is just having trouble saying no. To someone. And accepting her limitations.

SIL sounds like an entitled, clueless user. Her mom won't be able to mind both of her young kids, let alone also help out with OP's kid.

I don’t get why he feels blindsided? Surely he understood childcare is expensive before you got pregnant?

Tell him that you understand why he's upset, and he can feel upset given the circumstances -- just not at you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You must make a very large income to only spend 40%.

Not really, I earn 100k. DH a little bit more. We figured it was going to cost around $20/hr for one child for a nanny but we haven’t seriously started looking.

You know that childcare isn’t tax deductible, right? And there may also be some additional costs you didn’t think of with social security, etc.
I think this may be more like 60-70% of your take home pay.

Which still may be worth it to OP if it allows her to keep her job and stay on her career trajectory.

I left my job and Ican get another, but I am never, ever getting my career back (tenure track faculty). I didn’t have a choice but it sounds like OP does, so let’s focus on that.

I don’t think she ever said she was going to quit her job. I thought the question was nanny care vs relative care vs daycare.

Anonymous wrote:Get an au pair.

Au pairs are limited in the number of hours they can work per week. They are a better solution for children who are in school for at least half the day.

+1 to looking at nanny share options.

Get an au pair.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You must make a very large income to only spend 40%.

Not really, I earn 100k. DH a little bit more. We figured it was going to cost around $20/hr for one child for a nanny but we haven’t seriously started looking.

You know that childcare isn’t tax deductible, right? And there may also be some additional costs you didn’t think of with social security, etc.
I think this may be more like 60-70% of your take home pay.

Which still may be worth it to OP if it allows her to keep her job and stay on her career trajectory.

I left my job and Ican get another, but I am never, ever getting my career back (tenure track faculty). I didn’t have a choice but it sounds like OP does, so let’s focus on that.

I feel for you, OP. Childcare is a huge expense and it really doesn't seem fair that SIL is getting this care for free. This must be a hard issue for many grandparents to juggle! I agree that it's hard to find an excellent part-time nanny. Besides, young children need a consistent care-giver. It would be great if SIL recognized that her turn is up. Maybe you can just see SIL's help from her mom as a "bonus" and you and DH are just doing what most Americans with good salaries do - hiring a nanny. Besides, I think that many moms have a special soft spot in their hearts for their daughters. Your MIL is helping out her daughter. This happens all the time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t classify childcare costs as only a percentage of your salary - its a joint expense.

If immune issues are present, three children together is hardly better than daycare. Get the nanny.

It is a joint expense but if one spouse makes much less than the other and/or it will not 100% cover child care costs its often not worth it for the one parent to work.

OP, how about a compromise. DH drives baby back and forth daily and you and SIL chip in and pay for a grandma's helper.

Good luck finding an excellent nanny who wants to be Grandma's helper!

Anonymous wrote:Why are you calculating the cost of childcare against only your salary?

It is a household expense.

You again?? You say this every time.
It is a cost that I should ONLY incurred if she goes back to work.

Next you will ask why her DH doesn’t stay at home, you are boring.