Anonymous wrote:A friend told me if you are doing great at work you are peobabling failing at home or if you are kicking ass at home then you are probably failing at work. You can’t both at the same time.

This isn't true. I mean, if it makes you feel better to either (a) suck at something or (b) decide to stay home since you can't do both, then ok. But I don't think any of my friends who work would say they're failing in one area or the other. Although perhaps we don't consider failure differently than other people. I, personally, wouldn't consider missing a K graduation as a failure because it's not even a real thing.

OP, don't feel bad. At all.

This is weird but I feel like based on a post in another group I know who you are (but don’t actually know you). You seem like an awesome person and I’m sure a great role model for your kids. My mom traveled a lot my whole childhood, days at a time, and my brother and I were used to it and were totally fine with it as it was the norm.

I get it, OP. DH was traveling for work last week, and I had a work event running Tues-Thurs that started at 7am each day. Absolutely no way to get there with camp drop-off times. I was the only one not there on time, and it sucks walking into a big event an hour late. I suppose I could have hired an early morning sitter to take the kids to camp, but I felt like a crappy enough of a parent leaving them at camp 7:30-6pm three days in a row. Then on Thursday someone ran into my car at a stoplight on my way back from work, and I had to call a neighbor to pick them up, then go in late on Friday so I could get my car to the shop. Overall I'm pretty good at balancing work and family, but this felt like one of those weeks where I just couldn't win. For what it's worth, though, they love camp and ask to stay as long as possible even when I don't need it ... This is clearly one of those "harder on me than on them" situations. And they think my rental car is cool, so that's something, I guess.

It IS hard OP. That’s it.

Anonymous wrote:Ugh I had a work from home day where my kid talked during the quick second where I was un muted. Of course you are not allowed to have kids at home when working.

I was also the only mother who didn’t show up at the Mother’s day celebration at school (I didn’t realize it was an elaborate thing) so I didn’t take off. My husband told me about how nice it was like 4 times.

Huh? Not allowed to have kids at home? What if they are there with nanny or SAHM or SAHD?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is deployed and I could not get to my son’s preK graduation. His former nanny (now a close family friend) was there and made it a big deal for my son. So everything was fine... except two days later, three mothers made it a point to tell me how wonderful our former nanny was and how great it is that my son has “someone he can rely on”. Talk about a knife in my heart.

Ugh what a dreadful thing to say to you. Probably didn’t come out how they meant, but still!

That's totally how they meant it. I would have just rolled my eyes at them or if particularly inspired, told them to stuff it.

OP, I travel a lot for work and of course can relate. Someone has to bring the bacon and health insurance home. I also happen to really like my job, which must be the biggest sin of a working mother, according to the Sanctimommy Society. But guess what: your kid will be perfectly fine and there is absolutely no reason for you to feel guilty. Learning that sometimes mom is busy is a good life lesson!

+1. I travel 3 days a week almost every week. My DS who is almost 5 knows what I do and how important it is for our family. I’m also lucky too that I like what I do. DH steps up when I’m away with DS when I’m not traveling.

I try to make it to the school events, volunteer, etc..when I’m not traveling. If there is advance notice, then I can sometimes re-arrange my travel schedule. No guilt here and you can’t always be there for everything. My DS is fine and I’m sure your kids will be too. He is not going to remember 10 years from now that you didn’t make some preK or school event.

I’m a SAHM, but Several times, I’ve not been able to go to my kid’s event (the “only” mom not there) simply because I can’t find a babysitter and I can’t bring the tantrum prone, can’t-sit-still toddler to the ballet recital, the Montessori observation hour, the poetry recitation, etc. i Think kids understand though.

I work from home most days and technically could be there for one of my kids’ events but he doesn’t actually want me there (he has separation anxiety) so I almost never go. I’m sure other parents think I’m neglectful.

Totally relatable, OP. Nobody is going to bat 1.000, so don’t feel too bad.
Let’s all enjoy the memory of this poor working dad and his wife!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Mh4f9AYRCZY

I don’t really understand being sad you missed something as lame as a K graduation. It completely ridiculous to be at every single event in your child’s life. It’s good that they see that the world does not revolve around them. There are other kids, aging grandparents, work, illness,etc that will prevents you from being at every little annoying kids event and it’s a good thing that kids learn that life ... a full life does not always revolve around them.

Anonymous wrote:A friend told me if you are doing great at work you are peobabling failing at home or if you are kicking ass at home then you are probably failing at work. You can’t both at the same time.

That is do not true.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is deployed and I could not get to my son’s preK graduation. His former nanny (now a close family friend) was there and made it a big deal for my son. So everything was fine... except two days later, three mothers made it a point to tell me how wonderful our former nanny was and how great it is that my son has “someone he can rely on”. Talk about a knife in my heart.

Ugh what a dreadful thing to say to you. Probably didn’t come out how they meant, but still!

That's totally how they meant it. I would have just rolled my eyes at them or if particularly inspired, told them to stuff it.

OP, I travel a lot for work and of course can relate. Someone has to bring the bacon and health insurance home. I also happen to really like my job, which must be the biggest sin of a working mother, according to the Sanctimommy Society. But guess what: your kid will be perfectly fine and there is absolutely no reason for you to feel guilty. Learning that sometimes mom is busy is a good life lesson!

My 3 yr old staged a major meltdown about after and before care: “I want you to come with all the other mommies!”

A friend told me if you are doing great at work you are peobabling failing at home or if you are kicking ass at home then you are probably failing at work. You can’t both at the same time.

There is no such thing as a graduation from kindergarten. It is an invented event, not a real milestone. Don’t give it a moment‘s thought.

You are supporting your family and doing what you need to do, and you are setting a great example for your daughter. Now that you were back home, take her out for ice cream and some kind of a special event, e.g. mini golf or a pool outing or a hike in a beautiful place.

You’re doing great.