Anonymous
Post 06/29/2019 07:56     Subject: Annoying or not?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't drive 5+ hours without having a very firm lay of the land of what I'm getting into.

Why did you not pick up the phone and plan the weekend with your SIL/MIL/other players involved?


Because if I invite out of town famiily or close friends to my son’s birthday party and they accept, I’d 100 percent assume I’d be seeing/hosting them all week. If I invited my in laws to a Saturday birthday and they came in Friday at noon, I might not know exactly what are plans are on Friday and Sunday, but I’d certainly know I’d be spending time with them those days, in addition to seeing them at the party.


It’s different when they know you visit the grandparents with regularity. Then the invitation assumes you have a place to stay and can perhaps coordinate a ‘regular’ grandparent visit for the birthday weekend.

But keep being mad and huffy about it, with the knowledge that you can convince exactly zero people to agree with you.


Uh, no, an invitation assumes exactly nothing.

My out-of-town wedding guests were promised a rehearsal dinner (for some), a dessert recetion the night before for all out-of-towners, and a wedding/reception. That's what we delivered.

Did we tell them a hotel block at a discounted rate was available? Yes. Did we provide a little basket that included maps and suggestions of things to do? Yes. But nobody got salty that we didn't want to meet up with them at the Air and Space Museum the mornning before...

In my family, we always send everyone the invite, knowing that out-of-towners likely can't make it. When out of towners do make it, they MAKE ARRANGEMETNS with us or with my aunt or cousin who also live locally. No one has ever, ever showed up literally the day before and demanded to see us. How very odd.
Anonymous
Post 06/29/2019 07:53     Subject: Re:Annoying or not?
Anonymous wrote:Repeat after me. An invitation is not a summons.


+1
Anonymous
Post 06/29/2019 07:53     Subject: Annoying or not?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Well, if we invited them to DC for my son’s birthday, they would stay with us. It would still be a sleepover. I don’t see the distinction. Plus SIL and BIL frequently leave their DS with the grandparents- 2-3 days per week. So it’s not some novel thing.


It’s novel because his cousin is there. Plus they already know he goes to bed too late when he stays there. No one agrees with you, OP. You should have checked beforehand if the whole thing was hinging on a sleepover. They invited for a birthday party, you accepted for a birthday party. No one mentioned a sleepover.


Again, if they stayed with us, it would be novel because his cousin would be there, but I’m not going to tell them to stay in a hotel bc I want my child to be well rested for a birthday party. And it doesn’t even have to be a sleepover! They can’t bring him over for dinner or something?

I just hate going the extra mile for them and they don’t GAF. I would never have driven down here if I knew I would spend today at Target and getting my kid a haircut.


How is attending a birthday party going the extra mile for them?


I think packing up my family, taking 2 days off work, and driving 6+ hours for a four day trip is going the extra mile.


Why did you go on Thursday and not on Friday? Shoot, SIL may have expected that you’d come down Saturday morning.

It seems like you made assumptions on their behalf when planning. That was a mistake.


EXACTLY. When you *plan a trip,* you pick up the phone and make some arrangements and sketch out some plans.

The invitation you received was for, what, a 3-hour party? That's what your host promised you, and delivered.
Anonymous
Post 06/29/2019 07:35     Subject: Annoying or not?
You were invited to the birthday party and she will see you at the birthday party. I don't think you should feel annoyed. This was the plan, and I don't blame her for not wanting her child to be overly exhausted at this party that she is so excited about.
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2019 22:27     Subject: Annoying or not?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't drive 5+ hours without having a very firm lay of the land of what I'm getting into.

Why did you not pick up the phone and plan the weekend with your SIL/MIL/other players involved?


Because if I invite out of town famiily or close friends to my son’s birthday party and they accept, I’d 100 percent assume I’d be seeing/hosting them all week. If I invited my in laws to a Saturday birthday and they came in Friday at noon, I might not know exactly what are plans are on Friday and Sunday, but I’d certainly know I’d be spending time with them those days, in addition to seeing them at the party.


It’s different when they know you visit the grandparents with regularity. Then the invitation assumes you have a place to stay and can perhaps coordinate a ‘regular’ grandparent visit for the birthday weekend.

But keep being mad and huffy about it, with the knowledge that you can convince exactly zero people to agree with you.
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2019 21:33     Subject: Annoying or not?
All weekend (not week)
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2019 21:33     Subject: Annoying or not?
Anonymous wrote:I don't drive 5+ hours without having a very firm lay of the land of what I'm getting into.

Why did you not pick up the phone and plan the weekend with your SIL/MIL/other players involved?


Because if I invite out of town famiily or close friends to my son’s birthday party and they accept, I’d 100 percent assume I’d be seeing/hosting them all week. If I invited my in laws to a Saturday birthday and they came in Friday at noon, I might not know exactly what are plans are on Friday and Sunday, but I’d certainly know I’d be spending time with them those days, in addition to seeing them at the party.
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2019 21:29     Subject: Annoying or not?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Well, if we invited them to DC for my son’s birthday, they would stay with us. It would still be a sleepover. I don’t see the distinction. Plus SIL and BIL frequently leave their DS with the grandparents- 2-3 days per week. So it’s not some novel thing.


It’s novel because his cousin is there. Plus they already know he goes to bed too late when he stays there. No one agrees with you, OP. You should have checked beforehand if the whole thing was hinging on a sleepover. They invited for a birthday party, you accepted for a birthday party. No one mentioned a sleepover.


Again, if they stayed with us, it would be novel because his cousin would be there, but I’m not going to tell them to stay in a hotel bc I want my child to be well rested for a birthday party. And it doesn’t even have to be a sleepover! They can’t bring him over for dinner or something?

I just hate going the extra mile for them and they don’t GAF. I would never have driven down here if I knew I would spend today at Target and getting my kid a haircut.


How is attending a birthday party going the extra mile for them?


I think packing up my family, taking 2 days off work, and driving 6+ hours for a four day trip is going the extra mile.


Why did you go on Thursday and not on Friday? Shoot, SIL may have expected that you’d come down Saturday morning.

It seems like you made assumptions on their behalf when planning. That was a mistake.
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2019 21:22     Subject: Re:Annoying or not?
Repeat after me. An invitation is not a summons.
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2019 21:11     Subject: Annoying or not?
Learn the difference between attending a party and planning a trip.

Next time, if it's a trip, PLAN A TRIP.
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2019 21:07     Subject: Annoying or not?
Anonymous wrote:My SIL went out of her way to invite us to my nephew’s fifth birthday in N Carolina- not just including us on the evite, but texting and encouraging us. My 4 yo and her son adore each other, and my MIL and FIL live in N Carolina nearby as well. Normally we make the trip to see everyone over the holidays and would not just do a weekend. But given the special request, we woke up at 5 am and drove 6-7 hours today, thinking we’d make a go of it since family is important and the cousins adore each other. We typically stay with MIL and FIL, and they invited my nephew to come over for dinner and sleep over, which he does ALL the time. SIL said no, grandma puts him to bed too late and she wants him to be well rested for his birthday party tomorrow. SIL is dropping off nephew tomorrow morning for special cousin time (and bc she wants to get ready for the party). We might see them Sunday- I assumed we would bc we are out of town guests, but now I am not so sure. Basically we made a special and extremely inconvenient trip to get here at her invitation, and I feel the least should do is drop her kid off today with us! We didn’t drive all this way for a morning of cousin time and a birthday party where we know no one.


Um, yes you did. Unless you had all these extra activities planned before you got in 95, that's exactly why you drove all that way. Next time plan ahead. And stop being selfish while you're at it. Cause a big enough stink and they won't invite you again.
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2019 20:50     Subject: Annoying or not?
I don't drive 5+ hours without having a very firm lay of the land of what I'm getting into.

Why did you not pick up the phone and plan the weekend with your SIL/MIL/other players involved?
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2019 20:33     Subject: Annoying or not?
6-7 from DC......oh god, you're not stuck in the world's largest suburban office park, aka Charlotte, are you? My condolences. There's nothing to do there beyond target and kiddie hair cuts. Maaaaaaaaybe after the kid goes to sleep you can slip out for a beer? There are some decent breweries--and amazingly, not all of them are completely overrun by fintech trust fund bros.
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2019 20:33     Subject: Annoying or not?
I can see that you’re hurt but honestly I think your sil does truely enjoys you and wants to be close with your family, but for whatever reason is just clueless at the moment. I’ve def done things like this in the past that I now realize were so rude but at the time didn’t even see it.

Now for my sil who lives out of state, I would never invite her to our kids parties because I can’t stand her and certainly wouldn’t text and so on to encourage her to come! So be glad you have good family relationships!

Anonymous
Post 06/28/2019 19:25     Subject: Annoying or not?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Well, if we invited them to DC for my son’s birthday, they would stay with us. It would still be a sleepover. I don’t see the distinction. Plus SIL and BIL frequently leave their DS with the grandparents- 2-3 days per week. So it’s not some novel thing.


It’s novel because his cousin is there. Plus they already know he goes to bed too late when he stays there. No one agrees with you, OP. You should have checked beforehand if the whole thing was hinging on a sleepover. They invited for a birthday party, you accepted for a birthday party. No one mentioned a sleepover.


Again, if they stayed with us, it would be novel because his cousin would be there, but I’m not going to tell them to stay in a hotel bc I want my child to be well rested for a birthday party. And it doesn’t even have to be a sleepover! They can’t bring him over for dinner or something?

I just hate going the extra mile for them and they don’t GAF. I would never have driven down here if I knew I would spend today at Target and getting my kid a haircut.


How is attending a birthday party going the extra mile for them?


I think packing up my family, taking 2 days off work, and driving 6+ hours for a four day trip is going the extra mile.