Anonymous
Post 06/26/2019 13:12     Subject: Gender Reveal disappointment
Anonymous wrote:Let her have her feelings. Imagine that you had really wanted a girl and learned that your baby would be a boy. Might you feel disappointed? And yet, you would love the baby when it was born, right? And if someone attacked you for wanting a girl, you'd (rightly) say that you had a right to your feelings, and that you just needed to process them over time. So extend your mom that same grace. This doesn't have to be a thing unless you make it one.

If she makes any other comments about the gender, just say, "Mom, I'm just thrilled to finally be having a baby. I'm sorry you're disappointed, but I'm not the right person to complain to, because I'm over the moon to be pregnant at all." And then change the subject or end the conversation.

The world would be a better place if people didn't feel the need to police each other's feelings.


This.

But in defense of Grandma, I have only brothers, sons, and grandsons. The only female in the bunch. My son and DIL had boy twins. I was hoping for girls, but I would never have shown any gender preference even though she'd let everyone know she preferred girls. So I imagine Grandma's got feelings to process herself.
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2019 13:11     Subject: Gender Reveal disappointment
Anonymous wrote:How did you choose which to implant?


Usually there are signs that one embryo is more likely to make than another. They are graded based on specific criteria. Most likely the best-looking embryo happened to be one of the male ones.
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2019 13:01     Subject: Gender Reveal disappointment
Anonymous wrote:Let her have her feelings. Imagine that you had really wanted a girl and learned that your baby would be a boy. Might you feel disappointed? And yet, you would love the baby when it was born, right? And if someone attacked you for wanting a girl, you'd (rightly) say that you had a right to your feelings, and that you just needed to process them over time. So extend your mom that same grace. This doesn't have to be a thing unless you make it one.

If she makes any other comments about the gender, just say, "Mom, I'm just thrilled to finally be having a baby. I'm sorry you're disappointed, but I'm not the right person to complain to, because I'm over the moon to be pregnant at all." And then change the subject or end the conversation.

The world would be a better place if people didn't feel the need to police each other's feelings.


This a thousand times over. She is allowed to have feelings, too. Yours got hurt by hers. That's life. You both need to get over it.
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2019 12:39     Subject: Gender Reveal disappointment
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Oh good gosh! Your mom wanted a granddaughter. She is human, and your struggles are yours, this is exactly why older people can't put up with their adult kids. Stop the drama. How many times you hurt her feelings in all your years? I bet you a million. She can have any ideas in her head, how are you going to control her head? There comes a time when grown up children are supposed to mature and realize that their parents are older and not their ultimate cheer leader, they are just people like yourself.


strongly suspect you have not struggled with infertility.

I have and it doesn't give you the right to demand that the whole world revolve around you.


i really don't think that is OP's motive.
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2019 12:36     Subject: Gender Reveal disappointment
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Oh good gosh! Your mom wanted a granddaughter. She is human, and your struggles are yours, this is exactly why older people can't put up with their adult kids. Stop the drama. How many times you hurt her feelings in all your years? I bet you a million. She can have any ideas in her head, how are you going to control her head? There comes a time when grown up children are supposed to mature and realize that their parents are older and not their ultimate cheer leader, they are just people like yourself.


strongly suspect you have not struggled with infertility.

I have and it doesn't give you the right to demand that the whole world revolve around you.


+1. I also struggled with infertility, and it sucked. But I also recognized that most people don’t realize the inner turmoil you go through for years and aren’t being intentionally mean about their comments. Was the mom’s reaction insensitive? Absolutely. I agree she probably really wants a granddaughter, knows her other daughter is done, and thought maybe she was getting one now. Maybe she assumed OP really wanted a girl too, I don’t know. She let her disappointment show and unfortunately made it worse with the comment she blurted out, OP should tell her it hurt her feelings and let it go. Chances are the mom will realize her mistake and become a cheerleader, and will of course love the baby when it’s here. She made a mistake.
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2019 11:17     Subject: Re:Gender Reveal disappointment
Some older women have weird obsessions with little girls. My husband's aunt was always going after any of her nephews and nieces girl children so she could dress them up like princesses, have little tea parties or teach them how to wear make up when they are older. They want to buy frilly stuff. Suffice to say none of the female great nieces can stand being around her and the parents are all constantly pushing her off. She completely ignores the boys. I'm sure that you mom is not at the extreme but there is thing about older women seeing little girls as cute living dolls.
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2019 10:59     Subject: Gender Reveal disappointment
If nothing else is ever said about it, then I would shrug it off. If she persists in this line of talk, I would respond with "I'm sorry this much awaited child is such a disappointment to you already."
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2019 10:55     Subject: Gender Reveal disappointment
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Oh good gosh! Your mom wanted a granddaughter. She is human, and your struggles are yours, this is exactly why older people can't put up with their adult kids. Stop the drama. How many times you hurt her feelings in all your years? I bet you a million. She can have any ideas in her head, how are you going to control her head? There comes a time when grown up children are supposed to mature and realize that their parents are older and not their ultimate cheer leader, they are just people like yourself.


strongly suspect you have not struggled with infertility.

I have and it doesn't give you the right to demand that the whole world revolve around you.


NP. Oh you just suck then.

I am just more reasonable about it, that's all. More realistic than many people. Even saying gender reveal... how pretension. OP just told her mom she is having a boy. You literary open this thread expecting a gender reveal party(which is so lame and only for drama people) and she just had a daily conversation with her mom. Drama queen.
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2019 10:38     Subject: Gender Reveal disappointment
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Oh good gosh! Your mom wanted a granddaughter. She is human, and your struggles are yours, this is exactly why older people can't put up with their adult kids. Stop the drama. How many times you hurt her feelings in all your years? I bet you a million. She can have any ideas in her head, how are you going to control her head? There comes a time when grown up children are supposed to mature and realize that their parents are older and not their ultimate cheer leader, they are just people like yourself.


strongly suspect you have not struggled with infertility.

I have and it doesn't give you the right to demand that the whole world revolve around you.


NP. Oh you just suck then.
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2019 10:36     Subject: Gender Reveal disappointment
OP's mom is entitled to feel whatever she feels; her mistake is not reading her audience. Here is her daughter, who's ecstatic about having a boy after hard struggles with IF. And her response is blaming her daughter for not transferring the female embryo? It's not okay, and there's no excuse for it.

She should have expressed her disappointment to her friends, not dumping on her daughter.
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2019 10:35     Subject: Gender Reveal disappointment
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Let her have her feelings. Imagine that you had really wanted a girl and learned that your baby would be a boy. Might you feel disappointed? And yet, you would love the baby when it was born, right? And if someone attacked you for wanting a girl, you'd (rightly) say that you had a right to your feelings, and that you just needed to process them over time. So extend your mom that same grace. This doesn't have to be a thing unless you make it one.

If she makes any other comments about the gender, just say, "Mom, I'm just thrilled to finally be having a baby. I'm sorry you're disappointed, but I'm not the right person to complain to, because I'm over the moon to be pregnant at all." And then change the subject or end the conversation.

The world would be a better place if people didn't feel the need to police each other's feelings.


The "everyone can have their feelings" people really annoy me. That's true, but OP has a right to have her feelings hurt by the fact her mom was inconsiderate.

Also, I have a strong suspicion this position is taken by people who frequently lack the basic social skills to understand the correct response to hearing about a baby's gender is to congratulate the parent and say something nice. It isn't that hard.


Bingo. And the "disappointment" over not getting a granddaughter is objectively less painful than the struggle OP had to go through in order to have a child at all.
Grandmother can quietly, secretly, have desired a granddaughter. She should also know that there was always going to be a 50-50 chance that her daughter was going to tell her it was a boy. Grandmother should have prepared for that and been ready to be nothing but happy when she got the news from OP. If she wants to go off later, and share her disappointment with husband, a friend, whatever, then she can do that.
People can have feelings. Grownups can be mature enough to find appropriate outlets for those feelings.

OP, Congratulations on your baby!
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2019 10:32     Subject: Gender Reveal disappointment
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Oh good gosh! Your mom wanted a granddaughter. She is human, and your struggles are yours, this is exactly why older people can't put up with their adult kids. Stop the drama. How many times you hurt her feelings in all your years? I bet you a million. She can have any ideas in her head, how are you going to control her head? There comes a time when grown up children are supposed to mature and realize that their parents are older and not their ultimate cheer leader, they are just people like yourself.


strongly suspect you have not struggled with infertility.

I have and it doesn't give you the right to demand that the whole world revolve around you.
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2019 10:30     Subject: Gender Reveal disappointment
Anonymous wrote:Let her have her feelings. Imagine that you had really wanted a girl and learned that your baby would be a boy. Might you feel disappointed? And yet, you would love the baby when it was born, right? And if someone attacked you for wanting a girl, you'd (rightly) say that you had a right to your feelings, and that you just needed to process them over time. So extend your mom that same grace. This doesn't have to be a thing unless you make it one.

If she makes any other comments about the gender, just say, "Mom, I'm just thrilled to finally be having a baby. I'm sorry you're disappointed, but I'm not the right person to complain to, because I'm over the moon to be pregnant at all." And then change the subject or end the conversation.

The world would be a better place if people didn't feel the need to police each other's feelings.


The "everyone can have their feelings" people really annoy me. That's true, but OP has a right to have her feelings hurt by the fact her mom was inconsiderate.

Also, I have a strong suspicion this position is taken by people who frequently lack the basic social skills to understand the correct response to hearing about a baby's gender is to congratulate the parent and say something nice. It isn't that hard.
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2019 10:26     Subject: Gender Reveal disappointment
Anonymous wrote:Oh good gosh! Your mom wanted a granddaughter. She is human, and your struggles are yours, this is exactly why older people can't put up with their adult kids. Stop the drama. How many times you hurt her feelings in all your years? I bet you a million. She can have any ideas in her head, how are you going to control her head? There comes a time when grown up children are supposed to mature and realize that their parents are older and not their ultimate cheer leader, they are just people like yourself.


strongly suspect you have not struggled with infertility.
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2019 10:10     Subject: Re:Gender Reveal disappointment
Her disappointment has nothing to do with you and your DH's happiness. You don't have to manage her feelings at all, and go on with your pregnancy with positive vibes. Congratulations!