Anonymous
06/24/2019 09:40
Subject: Re:If your kids listen and participate in family life
I'm a parent of a 3 and 5 yo who already grumble about helping out with stuff. I try to make tasks as routine as possible though and do the same things they do (for example I make my bed every morning and my 5yo does too). I also try hard not to criticize how they do things. If the bed is a little sloppy I let it go. The big thing I try to do all the time is repeat "our" values in an official-sounding voice. The thing I say most frequently is "In this family we are kind and help each other." My kids squabble all the time and often don't follow directions, etc. but several people outside my family have told me how kind my 5 yo is and when they are kind or helpful, they often say things like "I was kind right Mom?" So I think it's sinking in, we just need to play the long game.
Anonymous
06/22/2019 23:44
Subject: If your kids listen and participate in family life
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Sweet, sweet OP. I was a perfect parent of teens when my kids were preschoolers, too.
Yes. It's so easy to parent other people's children.
Yes!!
And parent toddlers when you have an infant.
Where is she trying to parent these teens?? You're projecting.
Anonymous
06/22/2019 23:23
Subject: If your kids listen and participate in family life
Regarding chores, I echo what PPs have said about starting them early and making them part of the routine. That makes a huge difference.
Re: the electronics, start as late as possible and with very clear and strict guidelines, like never at the table, never in the car, never in social groups, etc. (your details may very). The consequence for breaking the rule is to get it taken away for a period of time. Again, making this routine right from the beginning is a big help. Also set the example by not being on your device when your kids are around.
With respect to being involved in family life, I think it helps to routinely do fun things together, like playing games, going to the movies, etc - even once the kids are older.
These are my lessons learned. I think other PPs have some good ones, too.
Re: the electronics, start as late as possible and with very clear and strict guidelines, like never at the table, never in the car, never in social groups, etc. (your details may very). The consequence for breaking the rule is to get it taken away for a period of time. Again, making this routine right from the beginning is a big help. Also set the example by not being on your device when your kids are around.
With respect to being involved in family life, I think it helps to routinely do fun things together, like playing games, going to the movies, etc - even once the kids are older.
These are my lessons learned. I think other PPs have some good ones, too.
Anonymous
06/22/2019 22:50
Subject: Re:If your kids listen and participate in family life
I had the kid other parents and teachers would rave about. He was helpful, thoughtful and sweet. He did chores happily and then offered to help with mine. Then he turned 13 and it's been rather unpleasant since then. Same kid, same parent, different age. It has nothing to do with electronics. This too shall pass but don't think your happy, compliant kids can't change OP.
Anonymous
06/22/2019 22:42
Subject: Re:If your kids listen and participate in family life
If you’re thinking about teen behavior and want some parenting strategies, I’d suggest reading parenting teens with love and logic. That will give you an idea about the parent you might want to be when your kids are teens and it will give you something to work towards.
FWIW, I don’t think there is any magic bullet. You might have the most amazing toddlers, ES kids and MSers and then puberty hits. Or you could be the most amazing mom and your child could be diagnosed with a disability or mental illness. So just focus on doing the best you can at each age.
FWIW, I don’t think there is any magic bullet. You might have the most amazing toddlers, ES kids and MSers and then puberty hits. Or you could be the most amazing mom and your child could be diagnosed with a disability or mental illness. So just focus on doing the best you can at each age.
Anonymous
06/22/2019 22:20
Subject: If your kids listen and participate in family life
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Sweet, sweet OP. I was a perfect parent of teens when my kids were preschoolers, too.
Yes. It's so easy to parent other people's children.
Yes!!
And parent toddlers when you have an infant.
Anonymous
06/22/2019 21:34
Subject: If your kids listen and participate in family life
My teens and tweens are one of those few not glued to their devices, however I my teen has severe inattentive ADHD, and even when he's doing nothing I have to repeat directions at least twice, when he's not medicated. It's BEYOND MADDENING. He's off in his own world.
Anonymous
06/22/2019 21:24
Subject: Re:If your kids listen and participate in family life
My DS is 14 and has been pretty grumpy for the last year. I still make him do chores, etc but he isn't going to do it happily. It is a phase that I remember my brother going through (not me, I was perfect 
My DS started chores early on so it isn't like I raised a bratty kid. Teens just aren't pleasant people to be around a lot of the time. You'll see.
My DS started chores early on so it isn't like I raised a bratty kid. Teens just aren't pleasant people to be around a lot of the time. You'll see.
Anonymous
06/22/2019 20:19
Subject: Re:If your kids listen and participate in family life
Anonymous wrote:Some time good kids have a bad week. And there are TONS of snotty teens with great parents. It really is a stage OP.
Good point! Thank you for providing some perspective.
-OP
Anonymous
06/22/2019 20:18
Subject: If your kids listen and participate in family life
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Sweet, sweet OP. I was a perfect parent of teens when my kids were preschoolers, too.
Yes. It's so easy to parent other people's children.
OP, I think we could the parents guy were on vacation with.
That’s funny! I bet teen/tween years are just hard.
Anonymous
06/22/2019 20:17
Subject: If your kids listen and participate in family life
Anonymous wrote:I'm not afraid to say no or punish bad behavior, and I give them carrots to reach for.
"Go set the table and then you can FaceTime Molly until dinner's ready."
Also, my kids do not "own" their phones or iPads. They're MINE. And the kids know that.
Thank you. I try to do it with the preschoolers already. I will try to hold on to it.
-OP
Anonymous
06/22/2019 20:16
Subject: If your kids listen and participate in family life
Anonymous wrote:Mine are 10 and 12 and help and participate what I feel like is a good amount. It takes time and consistent effort and leading by example more than anything else. I ignore the moans and grumbles and praise the contributions. Also I learned about their stuff - like some video games you can’t just quit right in the middle without losing all their progress, so I respect that. Also I tell them things like, screens off now and you don’t get more time until you’ve done x, y, z but then I leave them alone - if they wanna read or play legos or whatever that’s fine. And I don’t micromanage, I tell them what to do and teach them to do it but they don’t have to make their bed or fold their clothes exactly like me. I am a divorced mom of two boys and I am working very hard with them to teach them to buy in and notice and care about their living situation and cultivating relationships. They are old enough now that I can see the value of my efforts.
Thank you.
-OP
Anonymous
06/22/2019 20:15
Subject: If your kids listen and participate in family life
Anonymous wrote:Start chores early. Preschool is a good age to start. Have consistent expectations: Larla unloads the dishwasher (or part of it) every day, Larlo sets or clears the table every meal (or almost every meal). Etc. When it's routine, there's less fighting and yelling.
Thank you.
-OP
Anonymous
06/22/2019 20:14
Subject: If your kids listen and participate in family life
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Sweet, sweet OP. I was a perfect parent of teens when my kids were preschoolers, too.
Yes. It's so easy to parent other people's children.
OP here. I am not trying to parent anyone’s children. And I am not trying to change what my friends are doing. It seems to work for them. I am just trying to see if there are other ways to interact as family. And if so, what tools/approaches/methods worked.
Anonymous
06/22/2019 19:36
Subject: Re:If your kids listen and participate in family life
Some time good kids have a bad week. And there are TONS of snotty teens with great parents. It really is a stage OP.