Wait... even if your read was 100% "correct," this girl has been a friend for EIGHT YEARS and now you're limiting time with her because of this? Something you specifically say is "not her"-- not something you've ever seen from her before?

When we were teen girls, we often suspected that the hormones involved in our relationships with our moms were their menopausal/perimenopausal ones, and now I'm wondering if we were right.

Some people watch too much Gilmore Girls. Honestly moms like Lorelai are unbearable in real life. Even preteens know that.

You sound like a that Mom in Mean Girls trying to be hip. Just don’t take things so personally once you have a teen. They are processing a lot. Give them time and understanding to figure this in between childhood/adulthood out.

Anonymous wrote:OP, either the girl didn't understand what you were implying, or your dd really was trying to talk her father into something and you really put her friend on the spot and she didn't know how to respond. She probably had a panic moment like - oh crap, i don't want to rat on her - not sure what to say.

You are really overrating here.

OP here, this is a girl who is a neighbor and friend for the past 8 years or more. My question was light hearted, thinking the wanted to go to gym/pool/ice cream...The usual stuff. The stare down of "Ask Her" was aggressive and honestly not "her". Gotta love puberty. They had a plan, they targeted DH because he's the softy. He said no way....Anyway, thank you for your thoughts. I'm limiting time with this girl.

^overreacting

OP, either the girl didn't understand what you were implying, or your dd really was trying to talk her father into something and you really put her friend on the spot and she didn't know how to respond. She probably had a panic moment like - oh crap, i don't want to rat on her - not sure what to say.

You are really overrating here.

Yeah, what? You asked your kid's friend an accusatory question about a conversation with the other parent. You tried to put her in the middle of your family business in a secretive way. It was a rude question and a firm, boundary-setting answer. Sounds like a good friend.

OP, you tried to make a joke that would also unearth some intel on the girls' plans and it landed flat. Move on. The friend didn't want to get in the middle of a mother daughter spat. If she hadn't been taken aback by the question, she could have come up with something more eloquent than "ask her." What response would have been polite but also declined to get involved. "I'm sorry, I'll let your family work this out without me" seems a bit much to ask with no preparation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"So what she trying to con her dad into? WTF is that."

I think it's rude.

It might not quite make the "ill-mannered" definition of rude.

But it certainly seems like the girl found it to have the "startling abruptness" definition in spades.

Hence, the likely improperly toned, "Ask her." reply.

The question may have come off as hostile or resentful and thrown the friend off-balance.

OP called a teen girl a con in cahoots with her daughter.. it was accusatory and not funny or cool.

I get OP intent was to be 'cool" but it came off weird mom trying to figure out if the girls were trying to get one over on them.

I've read this post three times and it still doesn't make sense. Anyway, welcome to the teenage parenting ranks, OP! You are now embarrassing, old, annoying and totally lame for trying to make conversation with them. Did I mention they think you are old?

Don't worry, it will pass. Except for the "old" part.

Anonymous wrote:"So what she trying to con her dad into? WTF is that."

I think it's rude.

It might not quite make the "ill-mannered" definition of rude.

But it certainly seems like the girl found it to have the "startling abruptness" definition in spades.

Hence, the likely improperly toned, "Ask her." reply.

The question may have come off as hostile or resentful and thrown the friend off-balance.

Hmm, not sure who was rude in this situation.

This is not insanely rude. I think you misread the situation, and your response was hardly gracious.

"So what she trying to con her dad into? WTF is that."

I think it's rude.

It might not quite make the "ill-mannered" definition of rude.

But it certainly seems like the girl found it to have the "startling abruptness" definition in spades.

Hence, the likely improperly toned, "Ask her." reply.

Stop trying to be the cool mom.

So what she trying to con her dad into? WTF is that.

How about “how are you tonight?” Or “do you two have plans”?