My ex used to deploy a lot. It was hard on me having to solo parent for 3-8 months at a time, but I admit, there were parts that were easier. Scheduling was easier. I knew I'd have her all the time, full stop, and I could either plan stuff with her or find a sitter. When he's home, we have to figure out who has which night off and I have to keep him informed of stuff we're supposed to do, and it's kind of annoying sometimes.

Ultimately, I'm glad he doesn't deploy anymore - it's better for our daughter to have her dad around. But it is definitely more complex to have him here!

Anonymous wrote:I HATE when my husband travels for work!!

I get scared at night. The dog gets depressed because no one will rough house with him. No adult conversation over dinner. No one to help get kids ready in the morning. No bear hugs for me at the end of a rough day at work. I have to take the trash cans out/back.

Nope - our house fares better when husband is home. But he is not an uptight man so that probably helps.

Why do you get scared at night?

Strange.

My wife sometimes says that our household is more peaceful and that she and the kids are more relaxed when I'm away. She also sometimes says that our household feels less stable when I'm gone for more than a day or two.

She was totally shocked to learn that the kids and I also find it more peaceful when she's away.

I guess that means that the problem isn't really me or her. It's us. She and I don't argue much but we still have some tension and disagreements that the kids notice. Also, if the kids get a decision or reaction they don't like from one parent, they often go to the other parent hoping for a different decision or reaction. Being a single parent for more than a couple of days is pretty hard but being a co-parent isn't easy either

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish he traveled for work more often and love when he comes home late. I appreciate that he takes care of the kids and all but it’s so nice calling all the shots when he’s gone. I feel like we’re all more relaxed. I get so tired of listen to go nag the kids to pick things up and do x, y, z. We have different parenting styles and 10 yrs in it’s wearing on me.

Same her different sex. I can eat when I want and had sex 3 times yesterday. Going to get Thai now.

Life is better without a ball and chain

I come him from short or long biz trips and the house is a mess, 2-4 days of dirty clothes are on the kids floors, no one took a bath, kids watched a movie each night after dinner, a pile of mail sits in the center of the kitchen counter, toys are out on top of the counter, and it takes half the weekend to process simple crap and put things away that should have been done on a daily basis.

Oh, but spouse and kids had a blast. Easy peasy.

A couple years the nanny quit after my one week trip to Asia. House was a mess, kids wouldn’t listen, and spouse avoided talking to her five nights in a row.

don't worry, he's happy to gone from your claws too

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should reach an agreement with your husband that for the first five minutes after he walks in the door from work he is to leave you and your kids alone, and vice versa, and allow time for him to decompress. If you follow that approach, I can almost guarantee the nitpicking will decline precipitously.

Agree. And have him have a snack and change into comfy clothes. I need a few minutes to transition when I’m the second parent home. We both do really.

This is great advice and something I will definitely bring up with my husband. I am fine with him telling the kids to clean up. I just hate that the second he walks in the door it's "get in here and clean this up."

Yup, I love it too! And I'm the picky one, but something about no expectations and doing it my way is just pleasant.

It's always "calmer" when the other spouse is away because the at home spouse gets to do their own thing. How would you feel if your spouse left and never came back?

Anonymous wrote:Our home is much calmer and cleaner when my partner is away. There is a better flow and kids are more easygoing (mostly). There is a ton that is not easy still, but overall it’s less complicated.

Agreed!

I HATE when my husband travels for work!!

I get scared at night. The dog gets depressed because no one will rough house with him. No adult conversation over dinner. No one to help get kids ready in the morning. No bear hugs for me at the end of a rough day at work. I have to take the trash cans out/back.

Nope - our house fares better when husband is home. But he is not an uptight man so that probably helps.

I like when my spouse travels, but there are pros and cons. The added workload of being the sole parent/caretaker - con. Have a big bed to myself, getting to eat when and what I want, and not having to talk to anyone after the kids are in bed - pro.

Anonymous wrote:You should reach an agreement with your husband that for the first five minutes after he walks in the door from work he is to leave you and your kids alone, and vice versa, and allow time for him to decompress. If you follow that approach, I can almost guarantee the nitpicking will decline precipitously.

Agree. And have him have a snack and change into comfy clothes. I need a few minutes to transition when I’m the second parent home. We both do really.

My husband is gone on a work trip right now and I don't like it, except for the fact that I get the whole bed to myself (he snores sometimes). I miss having help with the kids, I miss hanging out with him after the kids have gone to bed, I miss laughing with him. And he's only gone for two, maybe three days this week, so it's not like I'm nostalgic for him after a month or something. And I do appreciate doing things with just the kids sometimes, especially if he's being grumpy, which he can be. But on par my life is better when he's there than when he's not. If your husband ruins the mood when he gets home, can you bring it up to him? My husband has a tendency towards grumpiness, and I've made it pretty clear since we started dating that I don't want to hang out with him if he's like that, so he can either suck it up and change his attitude or I (and the kids) will go do something else. Of course sometimes it pisses him off if I say something, since someone who is grumpy generally doesn't like to be confronted about being grumpy, but in the end it will get through to him. If I was doing something that was making him miserable, I'd for sure want to know.

I also love it when my spouse is away. Except for having to drive the kids to activities, it is a breeze.