Anonymous wrote:I was talking with coworkers the other day and each of us was complaining about having a husband who was an extra child to look after. Ailments such as anxiety, depression, malaise and impulse control were thrown about.

Is this the norm? Are most husbands... dysfunctional man children?

So, he was perfect when you married him, but now he has anxiety, depression, malaise and impulse control.

Um, sounds like the variable is you.

Anonymous wrote:Not mine. We both have our faults but none of them are that major and we are both accepting of them. I feel genuinely lucky to have him as a husband.

+1 We love each other unconditionally and are supportive to ensure the well being of our family.

Anonymous wrote:What do you want from them? In the 1950s, men worked, drank, had a couple of affairs, and were largely absent around the house except for repair work. Do this and croak by 60.

In the 1950’s most men had just finished fighting in WWII. There was an entire generation of men that likely had some level of PTSD before doctors knew how to diagnose and treat it. So, yeah, they isolated themselves and drank too much.

You can either be disappointed by your spouse, friends, coworkers, family or you can celebrate all the good things about them and enjoy the for who they are and what they provide.

You are the problem here, not your spouse. You make your own happiness.

Anonymous wrote:Men quickly learn that women are going to be “disappointed “ not matter what you do. Fix one problem, women will just find something else to moan about. The natural male response is to just stop caring at some point.

I am not like this. Probably why I don't find my husband disappointing and we have an amazing marriage. We both have faults. That's human nature. None of those faults are big enough to cause problems.

Men quickly learn that women are going to be “disappointed “ not matter what you do. Fix one problem, women will just find something else to moan about. The natural male response is to just stop caring at some point.

Girls today are indoctrinated to think they are awesome, better than boys, and deserve the very best of everything. It is thus not surprising that reality can’t live up to expectations.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think many men are also pretty disappointed with their wives. Anxiety, depression, lack of interest in sex, nagging..


What is with all these man bashing threads?

This board is becoming pretty sexist.

Plus one, in the great scheme of things, I assume the sexes disappoint each other equally but women have longer memories and men have much lower expectation of life and happiness

No, I think it's because those who complain the most choose to make "sacrifices" instead of making choices.

Buddhists recognize that desire is the root cause of suffering. I think women desire more of their husbands and, therefore, suffer more.

Beyond that, with your co-workers, you have the "dog-bites-man" versus "man-bites-dog" phenomenon. If the husband is doing a bunch of stuff responsibly and well, it's expected and not newsworthy. If he's being a f*ck up, in some respect, it's interesting and will get the speaker some positive reinforcement from her co-workers.

I read a good article years ago about the gap between women’s adoption of feminism and men’s adoption of it. And how women don’t really realize that even if they marry a man that thinks he is a feminist, he may not have internalized what that means. I think the baby boomer and older generations just didn’t really expect men to be feminists. The Gen X generation expected it and were surprised to realize the gap. From the millennials I work with, I think the guys may “get it” more, but I’m sure there’s still a gap. Expectations for men have changed a LOT over a generation or so, and there’s some lag time. Certainly in the 70s, men were never expected to be the one answering the phone when school called with a complaint.

Anonymous wrote:What do you want from them? In the 1950s, men worked, drank, had a couple of affairs, and were largely absent around the house except for repair work. Do this and croak by 60.

Except for the "help out around the house" part, that is my ILs. Once FIL passed, MIL redid her house and travelled the world, but still was not happy. Depression, anxiety, denial and stubbornness are prevalent on that side of the family. I have noticed some of those traits in DH, which of course, means that he refuses to get help. It is a hard road, OP. Sometimes things look "perfect" to other people on the outside, but they are very, very challenging behind closed doors. The nicest guy in the world might b the exact opposite, as far as you know. I would encourage my children to spend a lot of time around the family before marrying - and if something seems really, really off, it is.

Aren't we past anxiety and depression being character weaknesses?

Anonymous wrote:No my husband isn't a man child. He's mature and capable, no depression , no anxiety.

Well, it’s not responsive. Nor is mine. But that does not mean he is not disappointing.

No my husband isn't a man child. He's mature and capable, no depression , no anxiety.

Anonymous wrote:Women love to whine and complain, what else is new.

.... says the disappointing husband