My kids are 4 and 2, both are similar to your dd with anxiety about new experiences. I understand why you do it but I don’t think bribery is a good way to get them to do what you want them to do (except in the case of the dentist since they actually need to go to the dentist so do whatever works for that one). But other activities can wait til they’re older and feel ready to do it...read books about it, continue watching videos of other kids doing it, give them the opportunity to try it periodically but don’t push them to do it when they’re not ready.

It’s just the age. My 4 yo was like this. Now he’s great at classes and activities. I see younger kids feeling anxious at our activities and parents freaking out and I just want to tell them try again in 6-12 months!

Go to the pool. One of you hangs with her while the other one gets in and swims. She’ll go for it eventually.

We did the same with the dentist. Worked great!

I think your expectations are too high for your 3 year old. Her reaction to all things new hasn't changed, but you think if you talk about it or bribe her, she will react differently. As Dr. Phil would say "How's that working for you?" The only thing she knows is that if she refuses and cries, she doesn't have to do X. Regarding the pool experience, I would sit next to her with your feet in the water and allow her to watch the lesson. Do this EVERYDAY until she is ready to get in. No offense, but maybe 3 years old is too early for formal lessons. She will get over this, but just remain calm with her and reassure her that the lesson is on her terms.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never ask that a babysitter dress up as Elsa and give her candy. That’s not setting realistic expeditions for...well anything in life. I have a rigid 3 yr old as well. I have found what works best is lots of prep and very clear consistent rules and expectations my older son is much more go with the flow.

So when your kid won't get in the water, what rule works then?

Then they don't get in the water and we go home.

Does your DD go to preschool? You do not mention preschool. If not, do it. If you are a SAHM, enroll her for 12-20/hrs. a week. I was a SAHM, and my DD did 16/hrs. a week for HER development, not me.

You do not want her starting kindergarten and having a meltdown when it's time to go to school, or the teacher makes a transition to another activity.

Our younger DD had some trouble with transitions and the worst thing you can do as a parent is to mirror your child's anxieties or frustrations. Your attitude needs to remain utterly calm and matter-of-fact. My DD didn't have a problem with swim lessons at that age, but if she had, I would have calmly told her that she had two choices: either get in the water with the teacher and learn to swim, or we go home right now. End of. Start having her make choices, and let her mull the consequences.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she is an introvert and she is so overstimulated by the length of a daycare day, that she just wants quiet calm time outside of daycare. Have you considered that?

Talk to the daycare and see how she acts there. See if you can observe there. It’s possible that they let her sob forever on her own and don’t help her through situations, so sobbing is all she knows how to do in new situations.

I don’t mean to be down on daycare, but you should consider that daycare is really more for extroverted kids, not introverts, because of the length of the day and the number of activities.

NP. Not been my kid's experience at all, especially at age 3.

OP here. She's an extrovert. Her anxiety around new activities doesn't change the fact that she wants to do these things and wants to go out. She loves daycare and they definitely don't let her cry.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she is an introvert and she is so overstimulated by the length of a daycare day, that she just wants quiet calm time outside of daycare. Have you considered that?

Talk to the daycare and see how she acts there. See if you can observe there. It’s possible that they let her sob forever on her own and don’t help her through situations, so sobbing is all she knows how to do in new situations.

I don’t mean to be down on daycare, but you should consider that daycare is really more for extroverted kids, not introverts, because of the length of the day and the number of activities.

NP. Not been my kid's experience at all, especially at age 3.

Maybe she is an introvert and she is so overstimulated by the length of a daycare day, that she just wants quiet calm time outside of daycare. Have you considered that?

Talk to the daycare and see how she acts there. See if you can observe there. It’s possible that they let her sob forever on her own and don’t help her through situations, so sobbing is all she knows how to do in new situations.

I don’t mean to be down on daycare, but you should consider that daycare is really more for extroverted kids, not introverts, because of the length of the day and the number of activities.

Anonymous wrote:Having babysitter, swim teacher, dentist, give her candy doesn’t make sense either.

OP here. It was twice. The babysitter gave her candy twice. Now she love the babysitter. For DD our struggle is to just get her okay with something and then she loves it. Now she's just excited for the babysitter. And yeah, if I'm paying a babysitter $$ they can play dress up with DD and watch Frozen together.

She's not bratty and idk if it came across that way.

Having babysitter, swim teacher, dentist, give her candy doesn’t make sense either.

Anonymous wrote:I may be the odd one out but doesn’t sound like anxiety, sounds more like a brat. She won’t sleep unless she sleeps with a certain doll? She knows you will cave in with candy. Psh no.

I think it sounds like a 3 year old. I have two, and neither can sleep without their special bedtime animals. That’s not brattiness, it’s trying to find order in a world that can seem overwhelming to a tiny person.

Anonymous wrote:I may be the odd one out but doesn’t sound like anxiety, sounds more like a brat. She won’t sleep unless she sleeps with a certain doll? She knows you will cave in with candy. Psh no.

Ignore the troll.

Anonymous wrote:I would never ask that a babysitter dress up as Elsa and give her candy. That’s not setting realistic expeditions for...well anything in life. I have a rigid 3 yr old as well. I have found what works best is lots of prep and very clear consistent rules and expectations my older son is much more go with the flow.

So when your kid won't get in the water, what rule works then?

I would never ask that a babysitter dress up as Elsa and give her candy. That’s not setting realistic expeditions for...well anything in life. I have a rigid 3 yr old as well. I have found what works best is lots of prep and very clear consistent rules and expectations my older son is much more go with the flow.