Anonymous
Post 06/10/2019 15:40     Subject: Someone please tell me we aren’t ruining our kids lives...
Anonymous wrote:We are a military family, and have been fortunate enough to live in the same place for almost 7 years. My husband just went from enlisted to officer and now we will be moving much more frequently. Financially this is going to be huge for our family. We can actually afford to save for college, will be able to afford sports and activities for our children. Plus my husband will be able to get a much better job when he retires from the army being an officer. I can’t help but feel guilty tho that we can’t give them a sense of stability. They will never have that childhood friend from birth or be able to call one location “home.” I can’t stop crying, and worrying about their future. My husband and I both came from nothing, I didn’t even grow up with hot water, or heat and a house filled with mold. My husband grew up even poorer. At first I felt like so happy that we are going to be able to give our children a much better chance at life then we had, but not if their mental health suffers from this lifestyle.


Been there, doing that. We're not military, but similar. Both my husband and I had a hometown. My kids don't. The longest they've been in once place is right now - for the last four years. But we're moving again this summer.

What I'd say is that they will follow your example - if you are positive and optimistic, they will feed off of that. That's not to say you don't acknowledge their loss, or recognize what they are sacrificing too, but as long as you can project that you're happy and ok with the moves, they'll be ok too.

Anonymous
Post 06/10/2019 14:30     Subject: Someone please tell me we aren’t ruining our kids lives...
Most of all Op, your anxiety will ruin you kids. Your attitude is supremely important. Shape up.
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2019 14:05     Subject: Re:Someone please tell me we aren’t ruining our kids lives...
I hated moving every few years. Hated it. But my life wasn't ruined.

It was hard. There are choices my parents made that made it harder. I still think my parents were selfish for making me spend my senior year of high school in an entirely new school, rather than letting me stay with friends so I could finish up at the school I'd been at for a couple of years. But even with that, my life was not even remotely ruined. It was hard. I learned a lot about myself.

And lots of kid don't hate moving. And I don't know if it crosses branches, but army kids do a pretty good job of supporting each other.
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2019 12:28     Subject: Re:Someone please tell me we aren’t ruining our kids lives...
My dad was an army officer and we moved pretty frequently. I actually enjoyed it quite a bit, especially since kids are always so welcoming at army schools--you have to make the most of your time since you know you and your friends won't be there forever.

I wanted more stability for my kids though, and thought they'd enjoy growing up in one place. They have all told me they are jealous of my childhood and my ability to start over every few years.
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2019 12:15     Subject: Someone please tell me we aren’t ruining our kids lives...
Some kids like it and some kids hate it OP. You have to do it whether you want to or not if your dh is the only breadwinner.
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2019 12:14     Subject: Someone please tell me we aren’t ruining our kids lives...
A lot of this depends on your kids' personalities and how you handle the moves. We are a military family (officer but I don't know how it would be any different as enlisted) and I have two kids that handle moves well. My oldest does not. It's just not in her personality to enjoy the necessary extroversion it takes to go out there and make new friends every 2-3 years.

She is in high school now and we've made a promise to her that she can stay there until graduation. My DH is going to retire and DD can choose where she wants to go next in her life.
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2019 12:10     Subject: Someone please tell me we aren’t ruining our kids lives...
What branch? Some are worse than others for moving frequently; Army comes to mind. I'm a Navy brat and we stayed in the same place for 4-5 years each time. My DH was AF, just retired as an O-5, and while we did have a few 1-2 year tours, we also had a few where we stayed put for 4 years and had to beg to leave.

Kids are resilient and they'll follow your lead for how to react to change.
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2019 10:38     Subject: Someone please tell me we aren’t ruining our kids lives...
My spouse is a military brat, and he said that while moving was sometimes hard, it gave him a lot of practice in making friends. As a result, he is an adaptable person with friends all over the place, who was never afraid to move for a job or other opportunity, who quickly adjusts to new places. It can be a benefit, too. Stability doesn't come from living in the same house for years.
Anonymous
Post 06/09/2019 20:41     Subject: Someone please tell me we aren’t ruining our kids lives...
Your kids will be fine, in fact, they might be better than other kids. Moving makes them more adaptable, more able to make friends, and generally more open minded. Your attitude is based on what you know, which is fine, but kids are very resilient. Even if they complain about it, they will still do well, mine did. In 5 different countries. Now, if you kid has some emotional issues, such as social anxiety, mine does, they will still be fine, but it will be tougher at first.
Anonymous
Post 06/09/2019 20:35     Subject: Someone please tell me we aren’t ruining our kids lives...
Many of my friends are military or state dept brats and they are all very happy and mentally happy adults with good careers and lovely families. You will be exposing them to lots of experiences and cultures. They will not be ruined...they will do amazing!
Anonymous
Post 06/09/2019 20:01     Subject: Someone please tell me we aren’t ruining our kids lives...
Anonymous wrote:I grew up in the same place from birth until I left as an adult, and I've never gone back. I have no friends from "home". I hated it and begged to move.

So don't think every kid wants the same thing.

They will get their stability from being with family, and from rituals.


I had the opposite experience. It is all about your individual personality, OP. Some people have lifelong friends and some do not - no matter where they live. You saying "we are life long friends who have each others backs no matter what" does not make it so. I know people who say that and will be the first to throw the other person under the bus, without hesitation. Misery loves company - only got so far/gets old fast - KWIM?
Anonymous
Post 06/09/2019 20:00     Subject: Re:Someone please tell me we aren’t ruining our kids lives...
Kids handle the moves differently. Nothing wrong with giving it a try. One of ours handled handled it well, one didn’t. In our case I regret staying in past O6 and we spent our entire inheritance to give our oldest stability while DH lived out his dream career (as a geo Bach). There are far more successful stories though and this child showed signs at a young age that change was too hard. So it depends. And by all means, don’t be afraid to get them some help if they have a hard time with it. And as always, staying positive yourself is one of the best ways to help them.
Anonymous
Post 06/09/2019 19:55     Subject: Someone please tell me we aren’t ruining our kids lives...
Your kids will be fine. I am a military brat and where ever you move, there will be kids just like yours and they will make friends easily. I think it's harder to do that in the states where the kids have known each other since elementary school.
Anonymous
Post 06/09/2019 19:54     Subject: Someone please tell me we aren’t ruining our kids lives...
Congrats on your husband's promotion! Enlisted to Officer is awesome because "Mustangs" have had the experience of being on the other side.
In my experience, our friends who were Officers had great jobs/new careers lined up for them to choose from.
Don't worry about the moves. You and your husband are your kids home-base and stability. It's a great experience for kids to learn from living in different places around the country and it can be strong confidence building to start over at a new school. They'll be pros at making new friends and ready for the world when they graduate.
No worries, Mama! You'll look back and see what a great thing it all was.
Anonymous
Post 06/09/2019 19:54     Subject: Someone please tell me we aren’t ruining our kids lives...
Anonymous wrote:I grew up in the same place from birth until I left as an adult, and I've never gone back. I have no friends from "home". I hated it and begged to move.

So don't think every kid wants the same thing.

They will get their stability from being with family, and from rituals.


+1 We stayed in the same place for my whole childhood. I often wished we could move somewhere else, particularly because I was one of two non-white kids in my grade, and people were not always kind about the color of my skin. There are many factors that go into the happiness of a child.