Anonymous
Post 06/07/2019 12:04     Subject: DH insulted DC
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m OP. H is very impulsive. As he heard me reprimand DC for disrespecting me, H came to yell 3 insults (not the F, but other ones) to DC minutes encore heading to school. On the way to school DC cried and told me he is deeply hurt and that these insults will remain forever in his mind.


Well, as others I have some skepticism that we are getting the whole story here, but I'll just point out the bolded text above.
Your DH heard that you were reprimanding your DC because your DC apparently HAD done something wrong by disrespecting you.
DH's reaction may have been over the top, but it sounds like he was trying to back you up.
Again, it's not uncommon for there to be moments when one parent reaction with stronger discipline than the other, and there has to be a moment of re-calibration and re-alignment.

From what you describe, it sounds like all three of you are prone to BIG emotional responses.
DH might have blown up and said something unkind
DC says the insults will remain "forever in his mind"
You are threatening no Father's Day and other punishments
I suggest you all could benefit from learning how to work regulating your emotional responses, both in the moment, and finding ways when you still accidentally blow up, to find a calm time later to go back and apologize.


A strong discipline doesn’t mean you got to insult a child. Any of us can firmly enforce rules without insulting. DC is 8z
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2019 11:43     Subject: DH insulted DC
It’s called the subway in nyc.

Op, your family needs therapy.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2019 11:37     Subject: DH insulted DC
Anonymous wrote:You’re a drama queen raising a drama queen. Your husband probably said those things because he hates dealing with both of you.


Agree. That’s if this isn’t a troll.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2019 11:35     Subject: DH insulted DC
Anonymous wrote:How old is the child?


OP is probably in her 30s. That's my guess.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2019 11:33     Subject: DH insulted DC
How old is the child?
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2019 11:31     Subject: DH insulted DC
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m OP. H is very impulsive. As he heard me reprimand DC for disrespecting me, H came to yell 3 insults (not the F, but other ones) to DC minutes encore heading to school. On the way to school DC cried and told me he is deeply hurt and that these insults will remain forever in his mind.


This isn't real.


It’s 100% real.


I doubt it.

-np


It’s a sad reality. 100%


So give us more details. How old is DC? If your DC is mature enough to tell you that the insults will remain forever in his mind, I suggest you encourage him to share his feelings with his father, either face to face, or (if he is afraid his father will not listen/talk over him) in written form. Your role, I guess, would be as a facilitator to help their relationship. You are the parent, and DH is the parent. Share your own feelings with DH from a parent perspective. Is this how you collectively want to parent your child? Explore that part of it--you're disappointed that DH is parenting this way, and it's not the way you want your child to be parented. Of course, DH may feel the same way--he disagrees with the way you're parenting his son. You have to work that part out together, as adults.

Avoid making this about you and DC against DH. There are no "sides." You are a family and you need to all work together to have positive relationships.

As for Father's Day... whatever. If DC is upset and doesn't want to make a "Best Dad eVER!!!" macaroni picture, fine, he doesn't have to. But ignoring the holiday because of an ugly incident right before is ridiculous. DH is not a child that you can punish. Whatever you do to commemorate Mother's Day, you should do something similar on Father's Day. You have more than a week to work through this.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2019 11:28     Subject: DH insulted DC
You’re a drama queen raising a drama queen. Your husband probably said those things because he hates dealing with both of you.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2019 11:02     Subject: DH insulted DC
Well, if OP is not sitting on a NYC metro, then yes this is truly sad. She is mentally ill. Narcissist, no doubt.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2019 10:59     Subject: DH insulted DC
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m OP. H is very impulsive. As he heard me reprimand DC for disrespecting me, H came to yell 3 insults (not the F, but other ones) to DC minutes encore heading to school. On the way to school DC cried and told me he is deeply hurt and that these insults will remain forever in his mind.


This isn't real.


It’s 100% real.


I doubt it.

-np


It’s a sad reality. 100%
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2019 10:58     Subject: DH insulted DC
Anonymous wrote:I’m OP. H is very impulsive. As he heard me reprimand DC for disrespecting me, H came to yell 3 insults (not the F, but other ones) to DC minutes encore heading to school. On the way to school DC cried and told me he is deeply hurt and that these insults will remain forever in his mind.


1) Your husband stepped in to defend you when your son was being disrespectful to you. Maybe it was a one time thing and your son is usually not disrespectful, but I doubt it.
2) Your child is entitled to his hurt feelings, but he should also consider that he was, at the time, being reprimanded for disrespecting the other parent. He is not blameless in this situation.
3) If your relationship with your husband and your son's relationship with his father are so fragile that they are permanently damaged by 3 insults on a Friday morning, you have some work to do on your overall family dynamics. Where there is smoke, there is fire.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2019 10:54     Subject: DH insulted DC
Are you sitting on a NYC metro right now OP?
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2019 10:54     Subject: DH insulted DC
Anonymous wrote:I’m OP. H is very impulsive. As he heard me reprimand DC for disrespecting me, H came to yell 3 insults (not the F, but other ones) to DC minutes encore heading to school. On the way to school DC cried and told me he is deeply hurt and that these insults will remain forever in his mind.


Well, as others I have some skepticism that we are getting the whole story here, but I'll just point out the bolded text above.
Your DH heard that you were reprimanding your DC because your DC apparently HAD done something wrong by disrespecting you.
DH's reaction may have been over the top, but it sounds like he was trying to back you up.
Again, it's not uncommon for there to be moments when one parent reaction with stronger discipline than the other, and there has to be a moment of re-calibration and re-alignment.

From what you describe, it sounds like all three of you are prone to BIG emotional responses.
DH might have blown up and said something unkind
DC says the insults will remain "forever in his mind"
You are threatening no Father's Day and other punishments
I suggest you all could benefit from learning how to work regulating your emotional responses, both in the moment, and finding ways when you still accidentally blow up, to find a calm time later to go back and apologize.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2019 10:44     Subject: DH insulted DC
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m OP. H is very impulsive. As he heard me reprimand DC for disrespecting me, H came to yell 3 insults (not the F, but other ones) to DC minutes encore heading to school. On the way to school DC cried and told me he is deeply hurt and that these insults will remain forever in his mind.


This isn't real.


It’s 100% real.


I doubt it.

-np
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2019 10:39     Subject: DH insulted DC
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m OP. H is very impulsive. As he heard me reprimand DC for disrespecting me, H came to yell 3 insults (not the F, but other ones) to DC minutes encore heading to school. On the way to school DC cried and told me he is deeply hurt and that these insults will remain forever in his mind.


This isn't real.


It’s 100% real.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2019 10:37     Subject: DH insulted DC
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You don't impose "consequences" on your husband like he's a child. You don't "punish" him with no Father's Day gift.

It really matters what the insult was, BTW.


He must stop before I grab his belongings and throw them away. In some ways he behaves like an impulsive orange face DT.