Anonymous wrote:You married him and made commitment to share your life with him. Maybe instead of thinking if you could do better than your husband you could look into how can you both do better together as a couple and as a family? Remember that in all marriages after the enthusiasm of the beginning there is a bit of fatigue and some challenges.

+1

Great advice. Too many people are "getting out" when they should be "working it out" instead.

Everyone is correct, you could have done better!
George Clooney waited so long for you to return his calls and finally gave up. Jeff Bezos will likely call or text by Friday, please don’t be stubborn, please talk to him.

Honestly, Op, the one you need to talk to is your husband. If you are sitting around complaining about him to anybody who will listen that is only going to deepen the wedge between you. Of course your friends and family are on your side and want what is best for you. But, ideally, your husband should be your best friend and the one you go to with your problems.

Talking smack behind his back about him and his family is not going to improve your situation. He is going to gravitate towards the people who support HIM.

Get your families out of marriage and talk to each other like grown adults.

It sounds like it’s the in laws that are making you most miserable. Set boundaries, be firm with them on how you will be treated with respect, and let your DH know that you are gonna take whatever it is they are doing that is making you miserable. Hopefully they don’t live with you.

You married him and made commitment to share your life with him. Maybe instead of thinking if you could do better than your husband you could look into how can you both do better together as a couple and as a family? Remember that in all marriages after the enthusiasm of the beginning there is a bit of fatigue and some challenges.

If you KNOW you can do better for yourself then divorce him and leave.

If you recognize within yourself that this is the best you can do, then ignore the haters.

Stop thinking about it as “doing better” and just ask yourself if you’re happy. If you’re not happy, you can try therapy together. If this doesn’t help, get out. Life is too short. I had second thoughts on the way to my wedding and I probably should have listened to myself. But I was young and more concerned about everyone else being inconvenienced. And do not have kids until you’re sure.

Anonymous wrote:I settled. My in laws are awful emotionally abusive people. It has killed my self esteem. My husband takes their side. My friends and family think I could do better.

My marriage is ok and I’m happy about 40% of the time.

I don’t know if I can even do better so why would I mess up my stability?

Sure...but at least one half of all couples could say that they could "do better" than their spouse. The question is...could you BE better TO your spouse?

If your honest answer is "no" then go ahead and get out.
If it's "well, yes...I could be a better spouse to him" then do that and see if it follows that he stops taking "their" side.

Anonymous wrote:Are there men who make more than my DH? Are in better shape than my DH? Have more hair on their scalp then my DH? Have better parents than my DH? Are better in bed than my DH? Absolutely.

I love my DH because he is a perfect fit for the imperfect me.

There is always someone technically better than someone else, but that's not what makes a successful marriage.

Who cares what others think?

Anonymous wrote:Are there men who make more than my DH? Are in better shape than my DH? Have more hair on their scalp then my DH? Have better parents than my DH? Are better in bed than my DH? Absolutely.

I love my DH because he is a perfect fit for the imperfect me.

+1 Very insightful. Think if more people took this unselfish approach to marriage, there'd be less spouses "getting out" at the first sight of trouble.

Anonymous wrote:40% is not worth it. Wouldn't you get a new job if you were only 40% happy? Get out. Bette to be single and happy than weighed down and drained by a no supportive family. Would they be there (including dh) if something bad happens?

Your commitment to a marriage should be so much higher than a job. And no, I'd try to improve my situation at my current job before I selfishly jump to something else

Are there men who make more than my DH? Are in better shape than my DH? Have more hair on their scalp then my DH? Have better parents than my DH? Are better in bed than my DH? Absolutely.

I love my DH because he is a perfect fit for the imperfect me.

My friends don't like my DH either. He's grown on my family though after 15+ years. I'm happy 75% of the time.

I dunno. Not sure I'd put that much stock in what your friends say. They aren't objective and only hear one side of the story. Things you can do: work on your self esteem, build your confidence, stay away from his family, and talk to him about it. Guys are thick, so make sure he understands how your marriage is in jeopardy. If that doesn't work, get help from an objective third party. Personally, I'd resist the urge to "get out" unless he is abusive, has broken his commitment to you, or you've tried everything and your happiness % hasn't improved.