Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I do not micromanage but she should tell me if she's going to take my kid somewhere he doesn't normally go to. My former nanny lives 20 miles away so what would be the point in going to her house to eat lunch? And yes, she's asked me before if she could take my kid to her house and I said no.

I forgot to mention the photos were dated right around when she was moving out of her other apartment. There were moving boxes in the photos so I'm guessing she brought my son to her house while she was moving.

And no she doesn't have newer references, her last day was a couple weeks ago. I would think another family would want to know something like this.

Just curious, why did you say no? Did you not trust her?

Hi OP here again, I just don't see the point in her taking my son to her house. He has class (art, gym, etc) everyday in the morning, then lunch at home, nap, sometimes a play date so I don't see what benefit he gets from being in the car 30+ minutes each way to hang out at her house. She obviously asked me because she had a personal (very long) errand to run, but that's what leave should be used for.

As a nanny, I get why you are upset but I still couldn’t work for you or ppl like you. You are not alone in your feelings. However, you are making a mountain out of a molehill and willing to sabotage someone else’s career just bc you feel disrespected. You may not think your micromanage but you do based on your responses and reaction. You want to be vindictive and this isn’t worth it. Was your child traumatized? And be honest, how annoyed would you have been if your nanny asked for the day off to pack to move? Would you have paid her normal rate or less?

Op here, she has 3 weeks of PTO of her choosing. She asked if she could bring my son to her house around that time and I'm guessing that's the day she decided to move. If she asked for the day off I would have said yes and that she would have to use a PTO day. I have very reliable back up care. I'm guessing she wanted to have her cake and eat it too that day. Have you ever moved with a toddler? It's not easy. And I wouldn't sabotage her career, but I would tell the truth.

I would screen my next childcare situation more carefully and have the expectations of care clearly in writing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I do not micromanage but she should tell me if she's going to take my kid somewhere he doesn't normally go to. My former nanny lives 20 miles away so what would be the point in going to her house to eat lunch? And yes, she's asked me before if she could take my kid to her house and I said no.

I forgot to mention the photos were dated right around when she was moving out of her other apartment. There were moving boxes in the photos so I'm guessing she brought my son to her house while she was moving.

And no she doesn't have newer references, her last day was a couple weeks ago. I would think another family would want to know something like this.

Just curious, why did you say no? Did you not trust her?

Hi OP here again, I just don't see the point in her taking my son to her house. He has class (art, gym, etc) everyday in the morning, then lunch at home, nap, sometimes a play date so I don't see what benefit he gets from being in the car 30+ minutes each way to hang out at her house. She obviously asked me because she had a personal (very long) errand to run, but that's what leave should be used for.

As a nanny, I get why you are upset but I still couldn’t work for you or ppl like you. You are not alone in your feelings. However, you are making a mountain out of a molehill and willing to sabotage someone else’s career just bc you feel disrespected. You may not think your micromanage but you do based on your responses and reaction. You want to be vindictive and this isn’t worth it. Was your child traumatized? And be honest, how annoyed would you have been if your nanny asked for the day off to pack to move? Would you have paid her normal rate or less?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I do not micromanage but she should tell me if she's going to take my kid somewhere he doesn't normally go to. My former nanny lives 20 miles away so what would be the point in going to her house to eat lunch? And yes, she's asked me before if she could take my kid to her house and I said no.

I forgot to mention the photos were dated right around when she was moving out of her other apartment. There were moving boxes in the photos so I'm guessing she brought my son to her house while she was moving.

And no she doesn't have newer references, her last day was a couple weeks ago. I would think another family would want to know something like this.

Just curious, why did you say no? Did you not trust her?

Hi OP here again, I just don't see the point in her taking my son to her house. He has class (art, gym, etc) everyday in the morning, then lunch at home, nap, sometimes a play date so I don't see what benefit he gets from being in the car 30+ minutes each way to hang out at her house. She obviously asked me because she had a personal (very long) errand to run, but that's what leave should be used for.

This is what happens when you outsource raising your kid

Anonymous wrote:Presumably, if she gave you a photo album with the activity then she thought it was okay with you.

OP here again, honestly I think she put those photos in there by accident. There were over 100 pages of photos so I feel like she just wasn't thinking. She left the dates in some of the photos and didn't crop them out. I just don't see the point in going 20 miles to her house to eat lunch. I don't care if she runs personal errands here and there but going 20 miles out of the way to eat lunch and I'm guessing move I'm not ok with.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She didn't lie to you unless you asked her about it and she said no. Let it go. What would be the point of a confrontation now?

I agree. She obviously didn’t hide it. LET.IT.GO

And why give a bad reference if she took good care of your son....that’s what’s important.

Why did she leave?

OP can give an honest reference if asked, which is that while the nanny gave good care overall, there were times you were less than happy with her judgement (i.e. bringing her kid to her house when moving, when you explicitly said no). Some people would hire the nanny anyway, particularly for an older kid where people are less concerned.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I do not micromanage but she should tell me if she's going to take my kid somewhere he doesn't normally go to. My former nanny lives 20 miles away so what would be the point in going to her house to eat lunch? And yes, she's asked me before if she could take my kid to her house and I said no.

I forgot to mention the photos were dated right around when she was moving out of her other apartment. There were moving boxes in the photos so I'm guessing she brought my son to her house while she was moving.

And no she doesn't have newer references, her last day was a couple weeks ago. I would think another family would want to know something like this.

Just curious, why did you say no? Did you not trust her?

Just read the update....

She lied, so I wouldn’t give a good reference.

Anonymous wrote:She didn't lie to you unless you asked her about it and she said no. Let it go. What would be the point of a confrontation now?

I agree. She obviously didn’t hide it. LET.IT.GO

And why give a bad reference if she took good care of your son....that’s what’s important.

Why did she leave?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Presumably, if she gave you a photo album with the activity then she thought it was okay with you.

This. How can you characterize it as a lie if she showed you a photo of it? You sound a little nutty and a little mean.

Sorry. Given your update, yeah she was wrong. I wouldn't confront her unless she asks for a reference. Let her know that you would include that transgression in any reference.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I do not micromanage but she should tell me if she's going to take my kid somewhere he doesn't normally go to. My former nanny lives 20 miles away so what would be the point in going to her house to eat lunch? And yes, she's asked me before if she could take my kid to her house and I said no.

I forgot to mention the photos were dated right around when she was moving out of her other apartment. There were moving boxes in the photos so I'm guessing she brought my son to her house while she was moving.

And no she doesn't have newer references, her last day was a couple weeks ago. I would think another family would want to know something like this.

Well then that’s bad and you should tell future families.

Anonymous wrote:Presumably, if she gave you a photo album with the activity then she thought it was okay with you.

This. How can you characterize it as a lie if she showed you a photo of it? You sound a little nutty and a little mean.

Why not talk to her, and tell her you’re disappointed, and see what she says? If she was otherwise a good nanny, I would forgive her - and give her a good reference (after talking with her).

OP here, I do not micromanage but she should tell me if she's going to take my kid somewhere he doesn't normally go to. My former nanny lives 20 miles away so what would be the point in going to her house to eat lunch? And yes, she's asked me before if she could take my kid to her house and I said no.

I forgot to mention the photos were dated right around when she was moving out of her other apartment. There were moving boxes in the photos so I'm guessing she brought my son to her house while she was moving.

And no she doesn't have newer references, her last day was a couple weeks ago. I would think another family would want to know something like this.