Son is graduating and this was his HS life. Luckily he did have friends he grew up with and saw them, but even that was sporadic. He would see HS guys occasionally at places and was friendly, but no deep connections. Drove me crazy. He just didn't seem to get what a social life is about. Maybe it's the way of today. He is active on the Gram and Chat, but not in person.

My DS had basically no social life in middle school and high school. Friendly with kids at school, but very little socializing outside of school. He was not unhappy so I didn't intervene.

He just finished his freshman year at a small liberal arts college and has a great group of friends. He started playing a club sport, with both a men's and women's team, so there's a built in crowd to hang out with. He just needed a little time and a new environment to figure out what he liked.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DC had a lot of friends in elementary and middle school, but after transferring to a private HS, he seems to have a very limited social life. He doesn’t seem to mind and enjoys time with family and “doing his own thing.” I’ve been on campus and seen him goofing around with kids and he doesn’t seem ostracized, but it doesn’t translate into weekend invitations. He doesn’t drink or do drugs (prides himself on being healthy) and I know used to be teased for being “too straight.” He plays sports, but tends to prefer those that are solitary vs a team. I just worry. Is this normal for some kids to not care about being in a social group? He’s leaving for college next year and I’m hoping he’ll find more of a group he connects with there. Just looking for some thoughts from anyone who may be experiencing the same thing with their DC? I’m trying not to project my own experience onto him, but it’s hard...

My son is like this and I'm not worried at all. He gets great grades and spends a lot of time working out at the gym. He's not getting in trouble and is very mature. He's going places one day.

My son was like this in high school (not the working out, but he did have a sport). I did worry. That didn't help anyone, least of all him.

PP here. My son also plays a sport, lacrosse. He only plays in Spring/summer. Spends the rest of the year at the gym. This summer he has joined a masters swim team because he wants to do the Luray triathlon.

I'm quite happy his social life revolves around being healthy and getting good grades. He does socialize at the gym and on the field, but has little desire for more outside of that. He does have girlfriend, but doesnt make a whole lot of time for her.

Anonymous wrote:Chiming in to say my 11th grade daughter is the same. She has some nice friends at school, but it never goes beyond that. No weekend plans of any kind, ever. She watches a lot of Netflix, alone on our couch. However, she does not seem sad; doesn’t seem to feel excluded; just wants a lot of alone time. My fear is that she is secretly lonely and will someday regret shunning all of the familiar teen experiences. She is a good student and doesn’t dabble in drugs or alcohol (that we know of). We try to let her be but sometimes we try to ‘push her out of the nest’ a little and encourage her to go out with friends. That usually ends in an argument.

This is my 8th grade (rising 9th grader) DD. She has a little bit of a social life but is mostly happy hanging out at home. My fear is that she isn't learning how to interact and be social with other people, but I don't know what to do without making her feel bad or wreaking havoc on her self-esteem.

OP, I also wanted to chime in and say my husband's family moved when he was a sophomore in high school and he never ended up in any solid clique in his high school, so he didn't have much of a social life. He had tons of friends in college and beyond. Some kids don't find their people until after they leave the nest, so as long as he seems happy I'd try not to worry (easier said than done, as I know all too well... ).

I went to a private day school but none of my friends in school lived near me so I never could see them on weekends until I was a senior and could drive. I was pretty darn bored and lonely but I survived and I was very happy when I went off to college.

My single adult brother is an introvert. He is very pleasant when he’s around people but his favorite things to do are to work out alone and stay in his house by himself. My mother constantly worries about his social life and tries to arrange social outings for him. Don’t be like my mother. She’s worried about him since he was a teen and he’s been happy doing his own thing. He has a social life she doesn’t know about. I see bits on Instagram.

Anonymous wrote:My DC had a lot of friends in elementary and middle school, but after transferring to a private HS, he seems to have a very limited social life. He doesn’t seem to mind and enjoys time with family and “doing his own thing.” I’ve been on campus and seen him goofing around with kids and he doesn’t seem ostracized, but it doesn’t translate into weekend invitations. He doesn’t drink or do drugs (prides himself on being healthy) and I know used to be teased for being “too straight.” He plays sports, but tends to prefer those that are solitary vs a team. I just worry. Is this normal for some kids to not care about being in a social group? He’s leaving for college next year and I’m hoping he’ll find more of a group he connects with there. Just looking for some thoughts from anyone who may be experiencing the same thing with their DC? I’m trying not to project my own experience onto him, but it’s hard...

Sometimes good straight kids do get left out of social stuff if others are drinking and smoking weed. He will be fine in college. I would force him to join one activity, club, sport, or group in college. Tell him it can be anything but he must join an organized activity of some kind. This can be good for kids who don’t reach out naturally. Be grateful you don’t have an alcoholic pot head. Some things I hear are so concerning to me. I have two friends whose sons in 8th suddenly changed friend groups this year because kids in their group at private were already vaping and heading into other things.

My son is the same, OP. Not to worry.

I wouldn’t worry. My DS is 11. Has a solid group of friends. They hang out on weekends maybe 3 times a year. Otherwise he likes to be home with us and siblings. He’s happy!

My kids are healthy, happy, have a nice group of friends but still don't socialize much on the weekends. They aren't into the party scene and just generally enjoy some down time with the family. I certainly wouldn't worry. My husband had no social life in high school but bloomed in college and later.

My husband switched schools a few times between 7th and 9th grade all within MoCo (Private to public, then a redistrict, then Middle School to High School, the husband family moved).

He didn’t really make a lot of friends and spent a lot of time alone in the basement, from what I am told. He felt lonely but not depressed, he wasn’t ostracized. He grew up fine. As long as your son isn’t depressed, I wouldn’t worry too much about it.

Chiming in to say my 11th grade daughter is the same. She has some nice friends at school, but it never goes beyond that. No weekend plans of any kind, ever. She watches a lot of Netflix, alone on our couch. However, she does not seem sad; doesn’t seem to feel excluded; just wants a lot of alone time. My fear is that she is secretly lonely and will someday regret shunning all of the familiar teen experiences. She is a good student and doesn’t dabble in drugs or alcohol (that we know of). We try to let her be but sometimes we try to ‘push her out of the nest’ a little and encourage her to go out with friends. That usually ends in an argument.

Ugh, please don't be like my mother. She tried to delude herself that I was outgoing and super popular, and had a date with a different boy every weekend, etc.

In reality I was a late bloomer who didn't want to date (or, I did, but didn't want to do the sexual stuff that went with dating), had three good friends I hung out with, was an introvert, and loved to read, write stories and articles and secretly submit them to magazines, and other random stuff in the privacy of my room.

At school I got along with everyone, but if my three friends weren't available, I'd sit on a bench and read during my lunch period. I was perfectly happy.

After I'd gone away to college, when I'd come home to visit my mother would get caught by me, saying to other people things like "When Laura's home the phone is always ringing off the hook" and "Even when Laura's visiting we never see her because she's always off with friends." Neither statement was true.

Let your son be who he is. I've always been happy, except when hearing my mother's fantasies of my life.

This is my DS, too. He seems happy, but I feel like he just doesn't connect with anyone.

Was his college experience different?