Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I promise you it is being said as an offhand comment. Don’t internalize it. How do I know? Because I have seven kids and people still say “time for another one!” You feel like it’s because you have only one, but it’s not.

Just because people say it all the time in an offhand way doesn't make it ok. Maybe you're willing to put up with people making dumb comments to you but I'm not. When people make that kind of comment (when are you having kids/more kids, getting married, etc) I say that's a very personal question, I wouldn't have the guts to ask it! and move on.

I guess I am willing to put up with it. I find myself in a better mood if I assume people come with good intentions and let it roll. I feel like people are so sensitive these days that it’s hard to make small talk. No subject is safe.

Unless you're close with someone I think avoiding very personal matters in small talk is a safe bet. When you're chatting there's always a more neutral topic than my reproductive plan.

omg nobody cares about your reproductive plans. no, really. why waste your time stewing over comments that someone just threw your way randomly?

+1 no one cares.

If no one cares, why did they ask? There are other far less personal small talk topics.

more personal topics are riskier but also better ice breakers. it's a balance. since most people don't mind being asked about their families those questions often work well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I promise you it is being said as an offhand comment. Don’t internalize it. How do I know? Because I have seven kids and people still say “time for another one!” You feel like it’s because you have only one, but it’s not.

Just because people say it all the time in an offhand way doesn't make it ok. Maybe you're willing to put up with people making dumb comments to you but I'm not. When people make that kind of comment (when are you having kids/more kids, getting married, etc) I say that's a very personal question, I wouldn't have the guts to ask it! and move on.

I guess I am willing to put up with it. I find myself in a better mood if I assume people come with good intentions and let it roll. I feel like people are so sensitive these days that it’s hard to make small talk. No subject is safe.

Unless you're close with someone I think avoiding very personal matters in small talk is a safe bet. When you're chatting there's always a more neutral topic than my reproductive plan.

omg nobody cares about your reproductive plans. no, really. why waste your time stewing over comments that someone just threw your way randomly?

+1 no one cares.

If no one cares, why did they ask? There are other far less personal small talk topics.

Because they got sick of talking about the weather.
This is really about your defensiveness. Asking about one’s family is generally not so poorly received.

OP, this just happens. When you're dating - when are you getting engaged? When you're engaged - when are you getting married? When you're married - when are you having kids? When you have a kid - when are you having another? When your kids are same sex - don't you want another to try for a "whatever?"

You need to let it roll off.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I promise you it is being said as an offhand comment. Don’t internalize it. How do I know? Because I have seven kids and people still say “time for another one!” You feel like it’s because you have only one, but it’s not.

Just because people say it all the time in an offhand way doesn't make it ok. Maybe you're willing to put up with people making dumb comments to you but I'm not. When people make that kind of comment (when are you having kids/more kids, getting married, etc) I say that's a very personal question, I wouldn't have the guts to ask it! and move on.

I guess I am willing to put up with it. I find myself in a better mood if I assume people come with good intentions and let it roll. I feel like people are so sensitive these days that it’s hard to make small talk. No subject is safe.

Unless you're close with someone I think avoiding very personal matters in small talk is a safe bet. When you're chatting there's always a more neutral topic than my reproductive plan.

omg nobody cares about your reproductive plans. no, really. why waste your time stewing over comments that someone just threw your way randomly?

+1 no one cares.

If no one cares, why did they ask? There are other far less personal small talk topics.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I promise you it is being said as an offhand comment. Don’t internalize it. How do I know? Because I have seven kids and people still say “time for another one!” You feel like it’s because you have only one, but it’s not.

+1. They will stop once you reach a certain age.

Man, when is that? I'm 41 and people won't stop making comments about my lack of children.

I have an only and I find this comment annoying, too. But I've never gotten the comment more than once from the same person, and could care less if an acquaintance says it. If you're getting the comment a lot from people you know then maybe it is a reflection of your defensiveness, or complaining that you're not aware is triggering the comment. Or maybe you know some rude people, in which case you do need to shut them down in a kind but firm way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I promise you it is being said as an offhand comment. Don’t internalize it. How do I know? Because I have seven kids and people still say “time for another one!” You feel like it’s because you have only one, but it’s not.

Just because people say it all the time in an offhand way doesn't make it ok. Maybe you're willing to put up with people making dumb comments to you but I'm not. When people make that kind of comment (when are you having kids/more kids, getting married, etc) I say that's a very personal question, I wouldn't have the guts to ask it! and move on.

I guess I am willing to put up with it. I find myself in a better mood if I assume people come with good intentions and let it roll. I feel like people are so sensitive these days that it’s hard to make small talk. No subject is safe.

Unless you're close with someone I think avoiding very personal matters in small talk is a safe bet. When you're chatting there's always a more neutral topic than my reproductive plan.

omg nobody cares about your reproductive plans. no, really. why waste your time stewing over comments that someone just threw your way randomly?

+1 no one cares.

Anonymous wrote:I promise you it is being said as an offhand comment. Don’t internalize it. How do I know? Because I have seven kids and people still say “time for another one!” You feel like it’s because you have only one, but it’s not.

+1. They will stop once you reach a certain age.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I promise you it is being said as an offhand comment. Don’t internalize it. How do I know? Because I have seven kids and people still say “time for another one!” You feel like it’s because you have only one, but it’s not.

Just because people say it all the time in an offhand way doesn't make it ok. Maybe you're willing to put up with people making dumb comments to you but I'm not. When people make that kind of comment (when are you having kids/more kids, getting married, etc) I say that's a very personal question, I wouldn't have the guts to ask it! and move on.

I guess I am willing to put up with it. I find myself in a better mood if I assume people come with good intentions and let it roll. I feel like people are so sensitive these days that it’s hard to make small talk. No subject is safe.

Unless you're close with someone I think avoiding very personal matters in small talk is a safe bet. When you're chatting there's always a more neutral topic than my reproductive plan.

My point exactly. Saying "you should have another kid!" is not delving deep into your reproductive matters. It isn't. You're looking for things to be offended about.
I've heard some awful mean stuff on here about big families and how I'm a breeder. That is offensive. If people tell me I should have another - I just take it as a compliment that my kids are well behaved and I look reasonably put together to handle another one and move along. Always glass half full and assume good intentions and life is just better!
There are things worth getting upset about, but this isn't one of them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I promise you it is being said as an offhand comment. Don’t internalize it. How do I know? Because I have seven kids and people still say “time for another one!” You feel like it’s because you have only one, but it’s not.

Just because people say it all the time in an offhand way doesn't make it ok. Maybe you're willing to put up with people making dumb comments to you but I'm not. When people make that kind of comment (when are you having kids/more kids, getting married, etc) I say that's a very personal question, I wouldn't have the guts to ask it! and move on.

I guess I am willing to put up with it. I find myself in a better mood if I assume people come with good intentions and let it roll. I feel like people are so sensitive these days that it’s hard to make small talk. No subject is safe.

Unless you're close with someone I think avoiding very personal matters in small talk is a safe bet. When you're chatting there's always a more neutral topic than my reproductive plan.

omg nobody cares about your reproductive plans. no, really. why waste your time stewing over comments that someone just threw your way randomly?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I promise you it is being said as an offhand comment. Don’t internalize it. How do I know? Because I have seven kids and people still say “time for another one!” You feel like it’s because you have only one, but it’s not.

Just because people say it all the time in an offhand way doesn't make it ok. Maybe you're willing to put up with people making dumb comments to you but I'm not. When people make that kind of comment (when are you having kids/more kids, getting married, etc) I say that's a very personal question, I wouldn't have the guts to ask it! and move on.

I guess I am willing to put up with it. I find myself in a better mood if I assume people come with good intentions and let it roll. I feel like people are so sensitive these days that it’s hard to make small talk. No subject is safe.

Unless you're close with someone I think avoiding very personal matters in small talk is a safe bet. When you're chatting there's always a more neutral topic than my reproductive plan.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I promise you it is being said as an offhand comment. Don’t internalize it. How do I know? Because I have seven kids and people still say “time for another one!” You feel like it’s because you have only one, but it’s not.

Just because people say it all the time in an offhand way doesn't make it ok. Maybe you're willing to put up with people making dumb comments to you but I'm not. When people make that kind of comment (when are you having kids/more kids, getting married, etc) I say that's a very personal question, I wouldn't have the guts to ask it! and move on.

I guess I am willing to put up with it. I find myself in a better mood if I assume people come with good intentions and let it roll. I feel like people are so sensitive these days that it’s hard to make small talk. No subject is safe.

Anonymous wrote:I promise you it is being said as an offhand comment. Don’t internalize it. How do I know? Because I have seven kids and people still say “time for another one!” You feel like it’s because you have only one, but it’s not.

Just because people say it all the time in an offhand way doesn't make it ok. Maybe you're willing to put up with people making dumb comments to you but I'm not. When people make that kind of comment (when are you having kids/more kids, getting married, etc) I say that's a very personal question, I wouldn't have the guts to ask it! and move on.

I get this from family and it's obnoxious as hell. You can tell pretty easily if it's a judgment or just small talk. I've had people ask me if I'm interested in having another and accept my answer without any fuss, and then there are the people who phrase it like "WHEN are you having another?" and act shocked when we say we're done. If they do the head tilt, they're judging and feel bad for your poor only child.

I agree. I also dislike how so many articles about why people should be nice to families with 1 kid emphasize only those who can't have more than 1 kid. Of course that experience is painful and should be respected, but some of us choose to have 1 kid. It's a valid choice.