Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate May in soccer. I always find later in the month gets awkward with some returning players having offers before others and then some families being upset about results but stuck finishing out the season. This year will be particularly trying for us as it’s become apparent that DS’s coach doesn’t want to keep him and we will have to muddle through the end of the season. Fortunately we do have nice parents on the team who aren’t hush hush about other tryouts and a few have shared good suggestions with us.

This is our story, almost exactly. Curious if your kid's coach has been as jerky as my kid's. We really like the kids and parents on the team and are honestly happy for those he's chosen to keep for next year. But he's completely focused on next year's team and is outright neglecting and ignoring the kids who are left behind. No kind words, no advice, nothing. It is a crappy way to treat kids and I expect more from a professional youth coach (and club, for that matter).

I'm not the PP, but this has happened to my kid as well and it completely sucks. A while back there was this big debate about whether a kid who gets demoted to a lower team is really "cut." Cut, demoted, whatever. It hurts for the kid and, depending on the relationships, the parents as well, to have to play out the season. This often involves attending an out of town Memorial Day tournament knowing that the coach doesn't want them and in most cases, that their "friends" on the team will be moving on. There was some guy who kept harping on how a soccer selection is a year to year contract. But in the club's case, the contract is not honored for the entire year, because those kids not selected are being shown the door for the last month or two of the season, including during the hot three day Memorial Tournament when you are paying for a hotel room and your kid is feeling like a complete failure because he's one of the few not invited back for the next year. And the worst part is that in most cases, the kid has no idea why. They haven't been given player evaluations or told what they need to work on. Many times, the coach has changed and the new coach just doesn't see things the same way as the old coach. It seems random and discouraging and it is hard to deal with, especially for younger kids. Most coaches do not honor their "one year contract" which is both unprofessional and damaging to the kids.

Having been in this situation, here is some advice. Try not to take it personally because that makes it worse for your kid. For my kid, it felt like the end of the work, but me getting mad made it worse. Don't feel pressured to accept a lower team offer with the same club if your kid isn't happy with that. Consider all options, practice with other teams, if possible, and be willing to wait for supplemental tryouts to find a good fit. Try to enjoy that damn Memorial Day tournament even though the coach sucks and it's 100 degrees and the whole scenario is insane. Use alcohol if you have to . . . in a coffee cup . . . during the tournament . . . as long as your spouse drives.

Thanks. I know you're right, but still tough. I honestly don't care which team my kid is on. The coach's treatment of the kids he's not taking up with him is the painful part. Not only that, he's using guest players (from higher teams) in every game, so kids on the actual team get even less play time.

I understand that those conversations can be tough on both the coach and the kids, but they are so, so important. The clubs should train coaches about how to deal with and communicate about kids' expectations and disappointments.

Your coach seems like a worthless piece of crap. I assume that you had no idea how he was when your DC tried out with this team originally otherwise you would not have joined.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate May in soccer. I always find later in the month gets awkward with some returning players having offers before others and then some families being upset about results but stuck finishing out the season. This year will be particularly trying for us as it’s become apparent that DS’s coach doesn’t want to keep him and we will have to muddle through the end of the season. Fortunately we do have nice parents on the team who aren’t hush hush about other tryouts and a few have shared good suggestions with us.

This is our story, almost exactly. Curious if your kid's coach has been as jerky as my kid's. We really like the kids and parents on the team and are honestly happy for those he's chosen to keep for next year. But he's completely focused on next year's team and is outright neglecting and ignoring the kids who are left behind. No kind words, no advice, nothing. It is a crappy way to treat kids and I expect more from a professional youth coach (and club, for that matter).

BRYC ?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate May in soccer. I always find later in the month gets awkward with some returning players having offers before others and then some families being upset about results but stuck finishing out the season. This year will be particularly trying for us as it’s become apparent that DS’s coach doesn’t want to keep him and we will have to muddle through the end of the season. Fortunately we do have nice parents on the team who aren’t hush hush about other tryouts and a few have shared good suggestions with us.

This is our story, almost exactly. Curious if your kid's coach has been as jerky as my kid's. We really like the kids and parents on the team and are honestly happy for those he's chosen to keep for next year. But he's completely focused on next year's team and is outright neglecting and ignoring the kids who are left behind. No kind words, no advice, nothing. It is a crappy way to treat kids and I expect more from a professional youth coach (and club, for that matter).

I'm not the PP, but this has happened to my kid as well and it completely sucks. A while back there was this big debate about whether a kid who gets demoted to a lower team is really "cut." Cut, demoted, whatever. It hurts for the kid and, depending on the relationships, the parents as well, to have to play out the season. This often involves attending an out of town Memorial Day tournament knowing that the coach doesn't want them and in most cases, that their "friends" on the team will be moving on. There was some guy who kept harping on how a soccer selection is a year to year contract. But in the club's case, the contract is not honored for the entire year, because those kids not selected are being shown the door for the last month or two of the season, including during the hot three day Memorial Tournament when you are paying for a hotel room and your kid is feeling like a complete failure because he's one of the few not invited back for the next year. And the worst part is that in most cases, the kid has no idea why. They haven't been given player evaluations or told what they need to work on. Many times, the coach has changed and the new coach just doesn't see things the same way as the old coach. It seems random and discouraging and it is hard to deal with, especially for younger kids. Most coaches do not honor their "one year contract" which is both unprofessional and damaging to the kids.

Having been in this situation, here is some advice. Try not to take it personally because that makes it worse for your kid. For my kid, it felt like the end of the work, but me getting mad made it worse. Don't feel pressured to accept a lower team offer with the same club if your kid isn't happy with that. Consider all options, practice with other teams, if possible, and be willing to wait for supplemental tryouts to find a good fit. Try to enjoy that damn Memorial Day tournament even though the coach sucks and it's 100 degrees and the whole scenario is insane. Use alcohol if you have to . . . in a coffee cup . . . during the tournament . . . as long as your spouse drives.

Thanks. I know you're right, but still tough. I honestly don't care which team my kid is on. The coach's treatment of the kids he's not taking up with him is the painful part. Not only that, he's using guest players (from higher teams) in every game, so kids on the actual team get even less play time.

I understand that those conversations can be tough on both the coach and the kids, but they are so, so important. The clubs should train coaches about how to deal with and communicate about kids' expectations and disappointments.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate May in soccer. I always find later in the month gets awkward with some returning players having offers before others and then some families being upset about results but stuck finishing out the season. This year will be particularly trying for us as it’s become apparent that DS’s coach doesn’t want to keep him and we will have to muddle through the end of the season. Fortunately we do have nice parents on the team who aren’t hush hush about other tryouts and a few have shared good suggestions with us.

This is our story, almost exactly. Curious if your kid's coach has been as jerky as my kid's. We really like the kids and parents on the team and are honestly happy for those he's chosen to keep for next year. But he's completely focused on next year's team and is outright neglecting and ignoring the kids who are left behind. No kind words, no advice, nothing. It is a crappy way to treat kids and I expect more from a professional youth coach (and club, for that matter).

I'm not the PP, but this has happened to my kid as well and it completely sucks. A while back there was this big debate about whether a kid who gets demoted to a lower team is really "cut." Cut, demoted, whatever. It hurts for the kid and, depending on the relationships, the parents as well, to have to play out the season. This often involves attending an out of town Memorial Day tournament knowing that the coach doesn't want them and in most cases, that their "friends" on the team will be moving on. There was some guy who kept harping on how a soccer selection is a year to year contract. But in the club's case, the contract is not honored for the entire year, because those kids not selected are being shown the door for the last month or two of the season, including during the hot three day Memorial Tournament when you are paying for a hotel room and your kid is feeling like a complete failure because he's one of the few not invited back for the next year. And the worst part is that in most cases, the kid has no idea why. They haven't been given player evaluations or told what they need to work on. Many times, the coach has changed and the new coach just doesn't see things the same way as the old coach. It seems random and discouraging and it is hard to deal with, especially for younger kids. Most coaches do not honor their "one year contract" which is both unprofessional and damaging to the kids.

Having been in this situation, here is some advice. Try not to take it personally because that makes it worse for your kid. For my kid, it felt like the end of the work, but me getting mad made it worse. Don't feel pressured to accept a lower team offer with the same club if your kid isn't happy with that. Consider all options, practice with other teams, if possible, and be willing to wait for supplemental tryouts to find a good fit. Try to enjoy that damn Memorial Day tournament even though the coach sucks and it's 100 degrees and the whole scenario is insane. Use alcohol if you have to . . . in a coffee cup . . . during the tournament . . . as long as your spouse drives.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate May in soccer. I always find later in the month gets awkward with some returning players having offers before others and then some families being upset about results but stuck finishing out the season. This year will be particularly trying for us as it’s become apparent that DS’s coach doesn’t want to keep him and we will have to muddle through the end of the season. Fortunately we do have nice parents on the team who aren’t hush hush about other tryouts and a few have shared good suggestions with us.

This is our story, almost exactly. Curious if your kid's coach has been as jerky as my kid's. We really like the kids and parents on the team and are honestly happy for those he's chosen to keep for next year. But he's completely focused on next year's team and is outright neglecting and ignoring the kids who are left behind. No kind words, no advice, nothing. It is a crappy way to treat kids and I expect more from a professional youth coach (and club, for that matter).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate May in soccer. I always find later in the month gets awkward with some returning players having offers before others and then some families being upset about results but stuck finishing out the season. This year will be particularly trying for us as it’s become apparent that DS’s coach doesn’t want to keep him and we will have to muddle through the end of the season. Fortunately we do have nice parents on the team who aren’t hush hush about other tryouts and a few have shared good suggestions with us.

This is our story, almost exactly. Curious if your kid's coach has been as jerky as my kid's. We really like the kids and parents on the team and are honestly happy for those he's chosen to keep for next year. But he's completely focused on next year's team and is outright neglecting and ignoring the kids who are left behind. No kind words, no advice, nothing. It is a crappy way to treat kids and I expect more from a professional youth coach (and club, for that matter).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is our first year in travel. When we get an offer (which the coach has told us we almost certainly will from our current level team, but not a higher one), is it bad form to text DS's friends to see if they are also staying on the team? That would affect whether he wants to do another year of travel (as I refuse to drive him elsewhere to play for another club).

Check in with the team manager, they will usually be collecting the status of most players.

Anonymous wrote:Although some parents do get delusional thinking their kid still should stay at highest level. I know in our team there will be few that likely won't be offered. It will upset them, but at the end of the day, their kids are just NOT good. They have not improved in over a year. It sticks out like a sore thumb in every game. If these parents can't tell that their kid is struggling, then they really need to check themselves. Either they are high on something or don't know soccer.

Anonymous wrote:I hate May in soccer. I always find later in the month gets awkward with some returning players having offers before others and then some families being upset about results but stuck finishing out the season. This year will be particularly trying for us as it’s become apparent that DS’s coach doesn’t want to keep him and we will have to muddle through the end of the season. Fortunately we do have nice parents on the team who aren’t hush hush about other tryouts and a few have shared good suggestions with us.

Anonymous wrote:This is our first year in travel. When we get an offer (which the coach has told us we almost certainly will from our current level team, but not a higher one), is it bad form to text DS's friends to see if they are also staying on the team? That would affect whether he wants to do another year of travel (as I refuse to drive him elsewhere to play for another club).

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure if you texted them, they would respond.

Is what you want for gossip and feeling like you have the information?

Not sharing indiscriminately is not juvenile at all, it's a practical approach for mental/emotional survival. That's not juvenile, it's actually sounds pretty mature.

Since, unfortunately, we have a petty and vindictive system that often responds poorly and demonstrates bad actors at more turns than good, it's not hard to decide to not indiscriminately share.

But I'm sure they'll respond to a question that asks how they are doing, give it a try.