Anonymous wrote:I think the second was easier than the first, for somewhat similar reasons. It took SO long for us to get into a groove with our first, and also we were first time (not too bright) parents. Things came easier to us with our second, and it is amazing to watch our children grow as siblings.

One consideration- by the time you get pregnant and have a potential second baby, your first born might already be in preschool as a 4 year old. That might free up more time to focus on the 2nd baby.

This was similar to our experience, but the two ended up being 5 years apart. Our family became more kid-centered once we had 2, so if you want to maintain more of an adult life, it’s far easier with just 1. That said, it’s been really fun to get to know another kid and see his very different, and equally awesome personality. I wouldn’t change it, even though life would be easier with 1.

Anonymous wrote:OP here- thanks everyone! Marriage is rock solid, jobs are great and daughter is prefect. That's why Im so scared of rocking the boat, lol

I appreciate everyones input

It'll be really really hard for the first 6 month then different hard for the next 5 years, then another kind of hard when you have two tweens and teens. What do you want your family to look like when you're 50/60/70? Those were my my thoughts when we went for a second. Does tis 3 and awesome (has her insane moments of corse) but we felt like if we didn't do it now and commit to the early years physical hardness we wouldn't ever experience the possibility of awesome later on.

The first few months are hard in a lot of ways, but after that it gets a lot better and is undoubtedly worth it. My first was super easy and #2 is generally fussier (and a terrible sleeper, comparatively) but still love having 2. Seeing my boys (slowly) become buddies has been more amazing than I could have imagined.

I am only 2 mos in, but I underestimated how difficult the transition would be for our older son. We spent most of our energy the first month dealing with his emotions. It is finally getting easier (but I anticipate a rough time when we have two pickups and dropoffs).

My second has been very easy, so far, and has only added enjoyment in our family. I was also worried about having a second because we got to such a great and fun place with our first and I didn't want to rock the boat. Our second is very "go with the flow" and sleeps well, so our transition to a family of 4 has been really easy. You don't know what will happen and I think it comes down to more than just the first few years. Do you want a family of 4 or no? How do you picture your life in 15 years? That's what made the decision for us.

I am very surprised by the people who think 2 is more than 2x as hard as 1. Not my experience at all. I think each kid is a bit easier/there's less change and our 3 (all 2 years apart) is about 2x as hard as 1 was.

It was marriage-breaking hard for us. I love my second little boy but the stress is still causing damage to my marriage.

Anonymous wrote:Having two isn't 2X harder than having one, it's 3X.

That being said, I love having two and it's been an amazing adventure. Only have two if your marriage is rock solid.

My experience was the complete opposite. Going from 0 to 1 kid was rough. Like total upheaval of our DINK lifestyle. Also, my first pregnancy was terrible (throwing up until third trimester), baby had colick, and he was not a great sleeper the first year. So part of this could be that my second baby was easier in comparison.

Also, once we got into the swing with our first, adding a second 2 1/2 years later felt like an easier transition. The first couple months were brutal since we had a newborn and our then-toddler was potty training, but we have already adjusted to life as parents.

Now that they’re 20 months and 4 y/o, it’s basically the difference in making a second pb&j for lunch instead of 1. Otherwise it is nice that they can play together (although I do have to breakup fights occasionally).

The one exception is that it really does feel like our laundry has tripled! Agree with making sure your marriage is on good fitting before expanding your family.

OP here- thanks everyone! Marriage is rock solid, jobs are great and daughter is prefect. That's why Im so scared of rocking the boat, lol

I appreciate everyones input

Anonymous wrote:We were kind of like you, finally hitting a groove and afraid to rock the boat. But then the decision was made for us. We had a oops 2nd baby.

Not going to lie, the first 2 months were sheer hell, and I had daily help from my mom. But then things got a little easier, then a little easier still. Now that the 2nd one is 2, they play together all the time and I'm super happy they'll always have each other.

OP here- thanks so much for saying this.

it's not that hard

Our 2nd was a breeze - a little over a 3.5 year age gap, the newborn phase was blissful, and she was an easy peasy addition to our family. I think this is because our first baby (DS) was so hard and it was a very tough time for DH and me. It took us a couple years to find our parenting groove.

Kids are 7 and 3.5 now and it is challenging! They love each other and play well together for the most part, but the bickering can be insane. Both DH and I WOH/WAH depending on the day, so we manage two different drop-offs/pickups. The weekday mornings and evenings can get wild and stressful, and although we do fun family stuff on the weekends we also have bday parties, activities, etc. for two kids who are at very different places developmentally and socially. Once both kids are in ES I anticipate things will be simpler at least from a child care and activity perspective, but no less busy.

We love having two, no regrets, but I'm sure we would have also been happy as a family of three. There's more to consider than the initial baby phase!

We were kind of like you, finally hitting a groove and afraid to rock the boat. But then the decision was made for us. We had a oops 2nd baby.

Not going to lie, the first 2 months were sheer hell, and I had daily help from my mom. But then things got a little easier, then a little easier still. Now that the 2nd one is 2, they play together all the time and I'm super happy they'll always have each other.

The year or so of germ hell was worse with our second--and started before she got to daycare. I reached a breaking point with a couple chronic health issues, having my second forced me to get medical help and diagnosis.

We got cleaners and eventually a yard service. I wish I could have gone part-time from the start or had telework days--it would have helped tremendously.

Our DD was worth it, no question, but we really really really wanted a second child. Go for it if you really really want it. Otherwise, it's ok to stick with one.

Anonymous wrote:You really cannot predict because you never know what life will throw at you.

+100