Anonymous wrote:When you say together, does this mean that you’ll rent a vacation house together or just go to same destination and stay in same hotel? Is this a beach vacation? For me, these are two very different things.

I may be open to travel to same destination and at same time with another family if we have separate lodging arrangements (different rooms in a hotel) or different condos in a rental, and would expect that we’d intersect on the beach and may be have 1-2 dinners together but keep independent schedules.

but for staying in the same rental, I would do it with family or very close friends only. I wouldn’t do this for bonding reasons and I definitely would not do this with someone whose vacation / parenting style I don’t know.

This. It could work if staying at a resort where you are free to do different things. Keep a different schedule - won't the 1 and 3 year old need naps for example. Otherwise it isn't fair to your kids or anyone else. And I say this as a mother of 4.

DH forgot what an all consuming childcare nightmare it is to hang around a 1 year old and 3 year old, especially when having to care for them out of the easier routine setting of home. Kids are harder to care for while they are excited or grumpy in an unfamiliar environment. That mom is going to have her hands full so OP will be pressured to help out with the 4 year old and the 6 year old. A half day is doable. Making a vacation out of this is nuts. DH is delusional if this will be a vacation for OP. Just tell him the guys can go on an overnight trip somewhere to bond. Or have the husbands spend all day during the day out doing something like golf.

Omg...I have done this! I was the mother of four. I don’t remember being angry at my husband for going off with his friend. I think we ended up doing a lot of things as separate families. What I do remember is feeling so embarrassed and apologizing all of the time. Compared to a 7 and 9 year old, my kids were completely insane. And compared to the mother of a 7 and 9 year old, I felt like a chaotic mess.

Unless you all are so close you are practically family, or you are all just very type B and can go with the flow on anything, this will not be fun.

This is a red flag according to dcum consensus. Vacations with other families mean affairs. I learnt that here!

When you say together, does this mean that you’ll rent a vacation house together or just go to same destination and stay in same hotel? Is this a beach vacation? For me, these are two very different things.

I may be open to travel to same destination and at same time with another family if we have separate lodging arrangements (different rooms in a hotel) or different condos in a rental, and would expect that we’d intersect on the beach and may be have 1-2 dinners together but keep independent schedules.

but for staying in the same rental, I would do it with family or very close friends only. I wouldn’t do this for bonding reasons and I definitely would not do this with someone whose vacation / parenting style I don’t know.

Hard pass. You will be ruled by the nap schedule of the youngest one. This happens with my brother and his daughter at the beach house. We have to keep the other kids quiet during lunch while the littlest one is sleeping. I only put up with it because they are family and my DH and brother are actual equal partner dads and both my parents are there to help so it's not all on me and my SIL.

I like doing things like this, but it really is all about the kids. We recently spent one day fishing an hiking with this type of group. My son had a BLAST, and that's my reward. I want him to have these experiences. But there was very little"bonding" with the other adults. I like these adults, and they're easy to get along with. But our focus was mostly on making sure the kids stayed safe. And they're all age 5-9. Sure you could do it with very young kids but it sure won't be a relaxing vacay for the adults.

Anonymous wrote:This “vacation” will be your kids learning all about being a mother’s helper.

The dad’s will probably try to drink beer and hang out while the moms handle the kids. It already sounds like the dad’s are the driving force behind these family friends.

Personally, I wouldn’t sign up to babysit for my vacation.

These were my thoughts exactly.

If your dh just wants to have a weekend trip with his buddy, why can't they just do that? He and the other guy go away for a weekend, and in a month or so, you and the other wife (or a friend of your choosing) go away for a ladies weekend? No need to bring the whole family.

I'd be even more concerned about my spouse calling me "antisocial" than about the prospect of what sounds like a bad vacation and a waste of a week off.

Does he often call you names, OP? It's pretty jerkish of him to leap to antisocial. How well do you already know this family? Will their older kids mesh at all with your own to play, or will the other parents be huffy and offended if you happen to tell one of their kids to stop poking your own in the ribs or to let another kid play with a toy they're hogging? He seems unaware that these things will happen over a whole week together with other people's kids.

Have you told him clearly the kinds of things we're saying here about the level of child-watching involved in having SIX young kids in tow 24/7 and how that is not relaxing or fun? Has there been an actual calm conversation where you laid out your objections and he listened, or did you just say it doesn't appeal to you and he called you antisocial and that's all that's been said?

Why is he so set on bonding with this one couple in particular?Does he share some activity with the other dad, and the destination would have that activity (as in, both of them golf or kayak or whatever, and the destination has a lot of that, so he sees "bonding with Bob" when you see "Stuck with the kids with Cathy.")

Can't you couples-bond back home on some weekends, with outings where both couples get babysitters and you can all be adults together? I'm betting maybe the other family can't get a sitter who will handle four at once, or they are a "we never get a sitter, we won't leave the kids like that" couple.

Whatever the situation, you and he need to communicate. If you can't, just imagine the joys of being on vacation with another couple when you and your husband can't communicate well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would hate this

My husband thinks I’m being “antisocial”. I’m sure it seems like it would be relaxing and fun for him (and the other dad) while the moms take care of the kids needs.

This is probably what he’s thinking. I wouldn’t do it.

What is the other mom like? Is she a martyr mommy? Does her husband fully participate in parenting or is it mostly left to her? What is their family dynamic?

OP, if you end up doing this, I'd have a conversation with your husband about how he and the other dad are going to take over childcare half the time -- like, how will this work? So you and the other mom can have some free time. Maybe the two of you will go for a long drive one day, or have a day when the two of you focus on swimming and are off childwatch, etc.

This. Let dh know you will agree to go, as long as he and the other dh pick up 1/2 the childcare. You can switch off days, or each do.half days. Otherwise this "vacation" is you and your kids providing childcare for the other kids.

And even then, you're still going to provide a lot of child care for small kids, because yours are older and presumably more sell-sufficient.

I have suggested to my wife that we go on vacation with good friends who have a kid the same age as ours, plus two much younger ones. She thought I was nuts, and told me so. And she was right.

This “vacation” will be your kids learning all about being a mother’s helper.

The dad’s will probably try to drink beer and hang out while the moms handle the kids. It already sounds like the dad’s are the driving force behind these family friends.

Personally, I wouldn’t sign up to babysit for my vacation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would hate this

My husband thinks I’m being “antisocial”. I’m sure it seems like it would be relaxing and fun for him (and the other dad) while the moms take care of the kids needs.

This is probably what he’s thinking. I wouldn’t do it.

What is the other mom like? Is she a martyr mommy? Does her husband fully participate in parenting or is it mostly left to her? What is their family dynamic?

OP, if you end up doing this, I'd have a conversation with your husband about how he and the other dad are going to take over childcare half the time -- like, how will this work? So you and the other mom can have some free time. Maybe the two of you will go for a long drive one day, or have a day when the two of you focus on swimming and are off childwatch, etc.

This. Let dh know you will agree to go, as long as he and the other dh pick up 1/2 the childcare. You can switch off days, or each do.half days. Otherwise this "vacation" is you and your kids providing childcare for the other kids.

So for me it would strongly depend on the destination, the lodging at the destination (are we talking a whole house with many bedrooms and bathrooms, or are we talking splitting hotel rooms?), and most importantly the other family. Is the other dad an equal partner? For that matter, is your husband an equal partner? Are the other parents high-strung, or more laid-back about stuff like food, screen time, activities, naps, etc.? With the right other family I think it could be workable, but if the other couple/kids are even at all difficult it would SUCK.

It might work if you help with the six year old and stay out of dealing with the younger ones. I think DH is just trying to argue and make you look like the jerk.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would hate this

My husband thinks I’m being “antisocial”. I’m sure it seems like it would be relaxing and fun for him (and the other dad) while the moms take care of the kids needs.

Yeah your DH sounds like a dumbass who knows nothing about kids.

-a dad