Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH has a bunch of female friends who I've met and I don't worry that he might be cheating. He's way too family dedicated to put it at risk and we have a great relationship. I still look pretty darn good at 43 and I happily enjoy trying to find my sexual peak and he's the beneficiary.....frequently.

You have done an admirable job of affair proofing the marriage. There would be much less cheating if more wives followed your lead.

Stop blaming wives for why men cheat. Been married over 35 yrs- most men cheat when they are about 45-55 because they are having a mid-life crissis - NOTHING to do with their wives. They are unhappy with their jobs, bodies, sexiual function and have become the "old man" and become invisible to MOST younger women. Most 45-55 yr old men have some success & can find the desperate younger woman who they can BS. (Hard to fool the woman who knows you for decades. and, btw MOST normal 25 yr old women find 40+ men gross, unless they are golddiggers or have daddy issues) Can't tell you how many dumb men I personnally know that divorced wife#1 to go with the younger woman, & within 5 yrs, either the younger one dumped him or had kids with him & became "more of a nagging bitch" than wife#1 And dummy is really, really unhappy when realizes he will be working for the next 18 years because he has to pay for the 2nd family & can't afford to rertire.

Anonymous wrote:My DH has a bunch of female friends who I've met and I don't worry that he might be cheating. He's way too family dedicated to put it at risk and we have a great relationship. I still look pretty darn good at 43 and I happily enjoy trying to find my sexual peak and he's the beneficiary.....frequently.

You have done an admirable job of affair proofing the marriage. There would be much less cheating if more wives followed your lead.

My ring finger, my chest (around my heart), and my eyelids broke out in a rash so painful that I had to remove my wedding and engagement rings, and visit a dermatologist who prescribed topical corticosteroids to treat the rash. This physical condition came on in the month before my then-husband began his affair with the woman he eventually left our family for. I had never had a skin rash before then, and have not had one since, though my ring finger still retains a callused scar.

And a few months before the rash I had a recurring dream (nightmare) of my husband's infidelity. It upset me, but I dismissed the dream as anxious nonsense because I completely trusted my husband of many years and thought that he was incapable of such a transgression and betrayal.

Clearly someone (God, a deceased relative, my guardian angel) was trying to send me a message from another realm.

Do women always know when their DH no longer loves them? I'm not having an affair but I just don't love DW anymore (though still have frequent sex). I wonder if she knows.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I found out because he ran up a $700 cell phone bill. The bill was in my name, but I admit I never looked at the list of charges. Well, I looked at that one! There were lots of hours long, daytime calls to the west coast where his close-in age cousin lived. He tried to play it off that he was talking to his cousin who was divorcing. Only his cousin was a ER physician. There was no way he was talking for 3-4 hours straight a day, 5 days a week. And none of the calls occurred on evenings or weekends when I would have been home.

When I pointed this out, the whole tawdry story spilled. Of course, it involved Facebook. They were going to both leave their spouses. She backed out. He and I reconciled, but divorced a year later for other reasons.

I'm lost. Did they ever meet in person and do the deed or was it a phone affair?

After we divorced, they had a short physical affair, but she STILL didn’t leave her DH. I don’t know if it’s her DH’s wealth or their minor DC or she just wants to be that person who is yearned after.

Anonymous wrote:I had an affair and once it came to light, his wife confronted me and, after some time, we actually became friends. (Long story.) She told me that she’d suspected for a while and could always tell when he’d been in contact with me because he had an unnatural glow about him. As she put it, he loved being in love with me, and he loved being married to her.

How did it all work out? Still friends? Does she accept his feelings for you? Or did it all just die out?

Back off, OP. Maybe the wife senses you’re a threat.

I had an affair and once it came to light, his wife confronted me and, after some time, we actually became friends. (Long story.) She told me that she’d suspected for a while and could always tell when he’d been in contact with me because he had an unnatural glow about him. As she put it, he loved being in love with me, and he loved being married to her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH has a bunch of female friends who I've met and I don't worry that he might be cheating. He's way too family dedicated to put it at risk and we have a great relationship. I still look pretty darn good at 43 and I happily enjoy trying to find my sexual peak and he's the beneficiary.....frequently.

I'm not saying you should worry and I'm very glad you are happy but please don't think that every woman who gets cheated on is frigid. I was 28 when I got cheated on- was more beautiful and thinner than the mistress and I had sex with my ex 2-3 times a week....each time with BJs. Some people are just pathetic and need the ego boost and enjoy the "thrill" of being "hidden" and "naughty."

I agree with you. There are many reasons men cheat. You can be beautiful and give BJ's but not be loved or even liked.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH has a bunch of female friends who I've met and I don't worry that he might be cheating. He's way too family dedicated to put it at risk and we have a great relationship. I still look pretty darn good at 43 and I happily enjoy trying to find my sexual peak and he's the beneficiary.....frequently.

I'm not saying you should worry and I'm very glad you are happy but please don't think that every woman who gets cheated on is frigid. I was 28 when I got cheated on- was more beautiful and thinner than the mistress and I had sex with my ex 2-3 times a week....each time with BJs. Some people are just pathetic and need the ego boost and enjoy the "thrill" of being "hidden" and "naughty."

+1. True!

Never in a million years would I have guessed my DH was cheating on me. We had sex frequently and I never said no to him. Then I stumbled over the hard evidence of his cheating. Never in a billion years would I have guessed that he had cheated on me multiple times with women at work, strangers during his travels and prostitutes. It took me a year and a half of detective work to uncover the whole story.

His therapist once asked me if I thought he was a psychopath.

Anonymous wrote:My DH has a bunch of female friends who I've met and I don't worry that he might be cheating. He's way too family dedicated to put it at risk and we have a great relationship. I still look pretty darn good at 43 and I happily enjoy trying to find my sexual peak and he's the beneficiary.....frequently.

I'm not saying you should worry and I'm very glad you are happy but please don't think that every woman who gets cheated on is frigid. I was 28 when I got cheated on- was more beautiful and thinner than the mistress and I had sex with my ex 2-3 times a week....each time with BJs. Some people are just pathetic and need the ego boost and enjoy the "thrill" of being "hidden" and "naughty."

Anonymous wrote:I found out because he ran up a $700 cell phone bill. The bill was in my name, but I admit I never looked at the list of charges. Well, I looked at that one! There were lots of hours long, daytime calls to the west coast where his close-in age cousin lived. He tried to play it off that he was talking to his cousin who was divorcing. Only his cousin was a ER physician. There was no way he was talking for 3-4 hours straight a day, 5 days a week. And none of the calls occurred on evenings or weekends when I would have been home.

When I pointed this out, the whole tawdry story spilled. Of course, it involved Facebook. They were going to both leave their spouses. She backed out. He and I reconciled, but divorced a year later for other reasons.

I'm lost. Did they ever meet in person and do the deed or was it a phone affair?

Anonymous wrote:If my husband eats the last cookie, guilt is written all over his face when I ask "who ate the last cookie?". Even my kids can call him out. I'm pretty sure that if he had an affair he wouldn't be able to hide it. But even with that I do my best to give him no reason to want to wander.

It takes a special kind of sociopathic tendency and lack of conscience or empathy to be good at it, IMO. Contempt and resentment helps, too.

If my husband eats the last cookie, guilt is written all over his face when I ask "who ate the last cookie?". Even my kids can call him out. I'm pretty sure that if he had an affair he wouldn't be able to hide it. But even with that I do my best to give him no reason to want to wander.