I think the need to be in touch 24/7 is just a product of the times. I remember my dad calling home once a day before he left work. That was it. Even in the early 2000s he never got a cellphone and stuck with calling my mom from his landline at the office at the same time. She only got her own phone several years ago. And he, now in his late 60s, still dissent want a phone. And guess what? They’re still married after 40 years.

Younger couples don’t know anything else other than having an iPhone and with that, constant contact. Many of us can’t wrap our heads around the idea of going all day without contact. Imagine if all you had was a landline and there was no possibility of texting from Starbucks. You just had to wait until you and your spouse were both at home to talk on landlines.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yout DH's behavior reflects that you are not a priority for him and demonstrates some small measure of disrespect. I thought that I had a strong marriage, and though my DH engaged in some of the same behavior, I always accepted his explanation that it was part and parcel of a successful career and strong networking and friendships. Then one day DH walked out on our long marriage.

Do not accept behavior that relegates you to an unimportant priority, or your DH may come to think of you that way. Have the confidence and esteem to expect and ask for your DH's time, attention, help (when and if necessary) and respect. If he loves you, it is the least he can do.

This

Maybe it's not the case for OP, but I would probably agree with this. Sometimes seemingly minor behavior is indicative of a person's larger personality traits or values. You learn that from failed relationships when you think it's not a big deal that they do XYZ because it's not hurting anyone, but really, it just shows who they are.

I'm kind of like this. It's nothing specific to my DH and I am not having an affiar; I just am absorbed with whatever is in front of me and, when I'm at work or on work travel, I am desperately trying to focus on work stuff. I think part of it is that I am a planner and my DH is not. So, a lot of his things become urgent because he did not plan. Also, I WOTH and he does not, so his schedule is more flexible. But, we also have two little kids, so there is just a lot going on.

I would suggest a two-fold approach: (1) limit the stuff you bother your DH with at work to stuff that is truly urgent and cannot be dealt with when he gets home; and (2) talk to him openly and explain how it makes you feel when he ignores your messages and/or does not call.

Anonymous wrote:Yout DH's behavior reflects that you are not a priority for him and demonstrates some small measure of disrespect. I thought that I had a strong marriage, and though my DH engaged in some of the same behavior, I always accepted his explanation that it was part and parcel of a successful career and strong networking and friendships. Then one day DH walked out on our long marriage.

Do not accept behavior that relegates you to an unimportant priority, or your DH may come to think of you that way. Have the confidence and esteem to expect and ask for your DH's time, attention, help (when and if necessary) and respect. If he loves you, it is the least he can do.

This

I do not call or text my DH about stuff at work. I do not need to keep tabs on him and I am busy myself.

The only time I call or text is when there is a genuine emergency and he knows it. So, f he gets my text or call, even if he is in a meeting, he will excuse himself, walk out of the room and take my call. Knowing this, I will not be making any unnecessary calls to him.

We location share on our phones so it is easy to track each other if that is needed. We do talk on his commute to and from work. We share a calendar, and a to-do list that can be updated as needed.

My husband and I rarely talk during the work day, but I do expect to get hold of him if something important comes up. He's pretty good about returning calls/texts when he can.

I'm more likely than he is to go on business trips. I always call or text when I arrive, and I'll call or text the day I leave to let him know what time I'm getting home, but we don't talk much during the trip. He doesn't really like talking on the phone, and I'm usually tired after a long day (and frequently have evening events).

But, I would always answer a call or respond to a text while traveling. That's the part that seems a little odd to me.

When I'm at work, I'm focused on work and usually will not talk on the phone with friends/family unless it's urgent so I don't find that part of the issue to be strange. Not talking while traveling is odd....do you try Facetime or is it a voice call. I hate voice calls but video calls are usually much more fun.

My DH calls all the time when he travels, but when he is working here, not so much. Married 25 years. When at work are there many people around? And when traveling are there people around? My DH doesn't text, and doesn't pick up when driving. Is it possible that in situations with ton of people around he has some social anxiety about other people hearing him talk? Texting is stupid anyway, but still why wouldn't he call when he is in his hotel at night?
Has he ever texted? DH doesn't so, I don't care about texting at all.

My DH is like this and it’s absolutely fine. When he’s at work, he’s doing work things and (rightfully) focused on that. And it goes both ways: If he has sonething he feels like he has to tell me about during the day, he calls and starts with “Is this an okay time to talk?” When he’s at home, he doesn’t work and is very engaged.

He's a secret agent.

My ex husband was like this. This was just one of many ways he checked out of the marriage. I would have a serious discussion with him about how this bothers you

Yout DH's behavior reflects that you are not a priority for him and demonstrates some small measure of disrespect. I thought that I had a strong marriage, and though my DH engaged in some of the same behavior, I always accepted his explanation that it was part and parcel of a successful career and strong networking and friendships. Then one day DH walked out on our long marriage.

Do not accept behavior that relegates you to an unimportant priority, or your DH may come to think of you that way. Have the confidence and esteem to expect and ask for your DH's time, attention, help (when and if necessary) and respect. If he loves you, it is the least he can do.

We usually only text during the workday if there’s actually something going on. If one of us wasn’t feeling well or one of the kids had an issue we would ask how it is. But we absolutely keep in touch when one of us is out of town. Very much not normal to not be in touch the whole time and especially not to respond to a specific text.

OP, have you two talked about this? Does he know how you feel? Also — is he attentive when he IS home?

Mine’s a lot like that. It can be frustrating but I try not to take it personally. In your shoes I’d insist on one check-in call each night, especially if you’re trying to buy a house!